European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 22, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse The stars and stripes wednesday. October 22,1986 columns today s crossword Birds Moke him slightly paranoid Brand Rooney i was awakened in the country at about 6 15 by a disturbing sound outside. I got up and went to the window and the Trees outside were Black with Small Birds. Maybe it s because of that old movie in which the Birds took Over everything or maybe it s because the director who made the movie knew something that already existed in human nature but there s a fright ening element about 10,000 Birds. They re migrating Margie said. Fine i said. Then Why Don t they keep going what s this some kind of Public rest Stop it s 8 . Now As i write and the Birds Are still out there in the Trees chirping or whatever that noise is. There Are Pine Maple Hickory and Birch Trees around us and they re in All of them High and Low. 1 can t figure out whether the Birds got tired flying or whether they re after something to cat it s times like this that 1 realize How Many things there Are in the world that 1 know nothing about and one of them is Birds. I just wish they would leave. Maybe they eat flies or mosquitoes i thought to myself trying to look for some Good in this invasion. I recall Reading somewhere that a Bird because of All the Energy it uses up flying eats six times its weight every Day. I m no judge of the weight of any Bird except maybe turkeys but each of these Birds must weigh a Quarter of a Pound including feathers. If there Are 10,000 Birds Here each eating six times its weight. How much is that it must come to tons. Therein t that much to eat around Here. Certainly there in t a ton of mosquitoes. I suppose i m nervous that they May turn on me. I can t even Tell what kind of Birds these Are audbird books never help me with identification. I can Only definitely name a few Birds such As Robins crows Blue jays and woodpeckers if they re pecking. Most Birds appear to be sparrows to me. These Birds in my Trees seem to have a pretty Good life. They re Independent Little devils. They re certainly better off than a City Pigeon or the chickens they raise in cages to be eaten. It hardly would be wort living As a Bird at All if you could t Fly. I certainly would hate to be a Canary. These Birds Are making such a Racket As i write that i can hardly think. I wonder if there Are Good friends among them. Are there boy Birds up there who think some of the girl Birds Are better looking than others a few occasionally Fly from one tree to another. Why do they do that and for what Little purpose of their own Are they making these chirping sounds that Are driving me crazy Are they saying something to each other and if so what Are they saying these Little Birds have Long tails and they Fly Grace fully. Their wings Flap fast but then they seem to be Able to coast for Short distances. If i were a Bird i d want to be one that could coast. I d Fly up to the Rocky coast of Maine or head for the big sur and catch some up drafts where the water pounds the Cliffs. Margie is taking this whole thing More lightly than i am. When i said at breakfast that i thought the Birds were swallows she said maybe they re going Back to a come to think of it if the weather s so Good i Southern California Why do the swallows leave Capis Trano in the first place i wish these Birds would go away but i would twant anything bad to happen to them. I Bear no ill will. They just make me uneasy. When i Cam out from the Kitchen i slammed the screen door on Pur pose. That startled some of them into a flight that looked like a Small rain Cloud but it did t last. They landed again on a clump of Trees less than 100 Yards away. I wish i knew How Long a break these Birds get. I can t take much More of this. C Truxion Media a Etc their Job is telling it like it am t by Art Buchwald this is the White House office of disinformation. Can we help you with any stories today what Are you Selling we have a Good one on Qadhafi catching diaper rash from sitting on the desert floor too How do i know that this is True disinformation it comes stamped with the Seal of the United slates government. Can i think about it we can t hold it up. Larry Speakes is going to Plant it with the Wall Street you people have been putting out an awful lot of false stones about Libya. Aren t you afraid that people won t be Able to distinguish Between the truth and the garbage All we re doing is telling it like it is and hoping it plays in Tripoli. If you re not buying Libya can we give you an exclusive briefing on South Africa we Nave some great lies on All the Republican senators who overrode the president s that s not the kind of erroneous Story i Deal All right. What if i told you the president was about to convince the South african government to give up apartheid when the . Congress sabotaged the whole Deal with All due respect even fat Buchanan would t believe that he s the person who is passing it i Don t think i want to mess with a South african fairy ule. Could you misinform me on the Summit Gorbachev works for the you re kidding i said. This is probably the hot test disinformation Story of the year. How come the president still went to Iceland if he knew that the president did t know it. We made it up at lunch today in the White House mess. We keep Rea Gan away from the disinformation crisis room As much As possible so he won t be caught in a credibility does he mind president Reagan does t like to be kept out of things but he realizes that when it comes to lying there arc other people in the government who arc so much better at it than he if i Don t take the Gorbachev disinformation i there anything else you can deceive me with i have something that was created from pure cloth and is hot out of the that sounds up my the latest disinformation we have on Central America is that Nicaragua has a the bomb we re calling it a bomb. The reason for putting out the disinformation is we can now go Back to Congress and ask them to give the contras a bomb. You better take this one because we re going to release it to Evans and Novak tomorrow morning and then it will be in the Public the White House owes the Story to me i said. You people Haven t Given me a falsehood in you re on our a leak list he assured me. Whence Plant Fabe newspaper reports you Are one of the first people we All How does the White House office of disinformation want their Catorie attributed just credit it to a High administration official who rides a horse and works in the Oval office. When it comes to official deception it s better for our credibility if we Don t pinpoint the c Uang in to film by Eugene Sheffer across1 Cleo s kuler4 Kab Man 7 opera highlight 8 Young cod 10 the and the ecstasy"11 gazed askance13 a. Cronin novel16 syllable with phone or ring 17 Golden boy play wright18 couple 19 slight error 20 is. 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