European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - January 22, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns hype xxi perhaps i la just sit this one out by John Windrow Magazine editor i have deeply resolved to attempt the unspeakable his Winter. I m going to try like the very Devil to ignore the super bowl. It s a Gutsy move and i May not be equal Loil. The super bowl is the closest thing America has to a National religious experience. For the super boat is hype incarnate and nothing is More american than hype. The National football league will Host an army of journalists out in sunny California. There will be mountains of free food and Rivers of free booze. Players will be hauled out for interview Down to the most lowly fourth string Interior lineman. For those Loo Lazy or sated to do their own interviews or flacks will hand out Page of quotes thai can be inserted into any Type of Story and All the writers have to do is file copy which is what they re paid to do in the first place. Nol surprisingly most of the copy will be laudatory the talk shows the sports pages the 5 o clock news and the covers of magazines will All shout out one message nothing on cod s Earth is As important As super sunday and this will be the most wonderful game Ever. Most of us know that s not True and lots of people will say to. But it won t matter. The hype will be turned up to a sufficient volume to drown them out. The nation will seat itself to watch super bowl xxi like an enormous Kennel of pavlovian dogs. There s nothing really wrong with this. It s much nicer than the world getting together to bum witches or throw christians to the Lions but it s getting to be a bit of a bore the 21st time around. When sports fans congregate and Start talking about super bowls hey rarely discuss the game itself. Most of the games Are Lousy. Even if they were Superb they would t live up to the Advance notices. People talk about the party before or after the game or How they fared during All the wagering. If it weren t for Point spreads the super bowl would be about As famous As an Oklahoma Rabbit Roundup. Most of the games seem incredibly one sided. Last year Chicago beat new England something like 114 3. Before that it was Washington or the raiders or san Francisco or Pittsburgh knocking he stuffing out of somebody lots of limes the somebody was Minnesota. I have this theory that the Minnesota Vikings Arp the football equivalent of the Washington generals the team that gets paid to be humiliated nightly by the Harlem globetrotters. Who knows maybe the Viking players go Home every Winter put their feet up and chuckle to themselves while they count the Money. Just imagine Martha those Guys in he stands thought we were really trying out  it makes sense to me. Minnesota is sparsely populated. When the Vikings lose so few Are disappointed who would stumble up to Minnesota to uncover such a scheme this year Minnesota role is supposed to be played by the Denver Broncos new York should beat them by about 56-0, keeping alive the proud super sunday tradition of stupefying games. People might catch on if Minnesota showed up every year and got dubbed like a red headers stepchild. So i be decided to sit this one out maybe i la go to some German Hamlet like wolfs Eblen or Gross Ceram and find a Beer joint that does t have an. Maybe 1 i arrange to be on an air plane for the entire game. That s not easy. The game lasts about 12 hours counting commercials i will say this the International Herald Tribune has certainly been doing its part to keep people from getting into a frenzy Over the super bowl. Every time i pick it up there Are photos of sailboats in the America s cup Competition going in circles with their pennants flapping in the Breeze. That s exciting in a very restrained sort of Way. I was in the Navy after All and spent some Lime on the Bridge before they banished me to the Roar and heat of the Oil soaked engineering spaces. Most of my time on the Bridge was in the Middle of the night wearing an an extremely heavy pair of binoculars. Rather like standing in a dark closet for four hours with a Brick around your neck. But yachting out in the Bright Sunshine waving at the bikinis on the Beach is probably tots More fun. Maybe i should become a yachting enthusiast. That would certainly be upper crust and More decorous than football. If i Only had the Money to outfit a yacht and hire a Crew. Maybe i la get in just one super bowl Pool. It can be risky being miss manners Little Helper by miss manners United Fea Tiue Send cult dear miss manners while out of town at a government training symposium my father found himself f o annoyed at someone j Lack of Nannen hut he almost became involved in Light. As he tells it he and three colleague wire enjoying drinks and Munch Lei while watching the Newt in a bar when suddenly a loud and boil Deroui Man Clad in a business Tuit flopped Down at the table behind my father nearly knocking Over Pap chair. My lather ignored the Rudene until a Icene followed at the Happy hour Buffet apparently the Man Wjt picking up food with a i Fingen and not using the appropriate Utah let. Even this my father could lol Erale however when the nun bit into a Bagel and then returned it to the Ter fog tray pop could stand no Mare. He politely reproached the Man for i unsanitary practice. The nun denied having done anything wrong and stepped toward my father in a Inutile manner. If two of my dad i companion had not intervened and confirmed hit complaint there doubt Levi would have been fit Scuffi. The problem at hand is the propriety of my father challenging the manner of Ihli rude nun. My Mother who i a Pacific in and a lady Lay that Fop should have quietly overlooked the uncouth actions. My father lays he Wai perfectly Ludi fled. My Parent item indelible in their rep Clive positions but i am Young and impressionable and i request your guidance in this matter. Who miss manners is Correct gentle Reader so your lather wishes to be one of miss manners Little helpers does Het going around bars leaching etiquette to the boisterous How Nice. But miss manned is not going to come and tend his wounds when he is finished. Politeness itself prevents one from giving free Lance lessons in manners if the instinct for survival does not. Your father would however hav been justified in complaining to the bartender or proprietor that the unsanitary practices of other patrons prevented him from partaking in a Buffet in which they had deposited their partly eaten food. Dear miss manner my husband s maternal grandmother died recently. She Wai cremated and then there was a memorial Irrice. My 3-year-old son and11 did not attend. Wat i wrong should i have made my son attend he Only Mel her once. There wat a gathering afterwards and again we did not attend. Neither did my husband. Should i Ai a relative have tent a letter of condolence to my Mother in owl should i have tent letter to the aunt and Uncle my husband hat two living grandparent and i have three. When one of them do do we As real let tend letter to the surviving to pouted Whit about my ion1 do i make him attend the Funer Alel he ii Clou phys locally and emotionally to Only one of hit great grandparent. I guess what i need to know ii what rotes in Lawi grandchildren and great grandchildren play in the death ceremony. Gentle Reader relatives take part in such rituals for two reasons to show respect for the deceased and to sustain one another in bereavement. Because it is a family matter. Miss manners is tempted to suggest that people tailor their actions to the needs of the individuals concerned. But she dares not do that even at the happiest of family occasions people Are Only too Quick to rationalize behaving in ways that Are based Only on their individual desires and funerals Are so upsetting thai people can be trusted even less to judge what is Best for everyone a 3-year-old is generally too Young to derive anything but fear from a funeral. However there Are some instances in which a child should make a limited appearance if a Parent has died for example and it will be a Comfort to the child later in life to know he paid full ceremonial respects. Miss manners does not quarrel with your not having your son attend. But when he is older he should understand that this is a family duly to be performed whether or not he is emotionally close. To his relatives. Unless you had absolutely no one with whom to leave your son you should have attended the funeral and the Wake. Your husband should certainly have been at both. Condolence letters within a family Are written by the More Distant members to the More closely affected. Those who Are together during the funeral planning caring for one another need not also write because they will have already expressed their concern and respect extensively. Have a question on etiquette write to Mist manners in care of the stars and stripes Apo 092ii. Your question will be forwarded to her. Miss manners regrets that she can Only answer questions in her column. 2  Jia aary 21,1987