European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - March 12, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns approval can quell artistic passion by Paul Bourgeois sum writer i had three passions. One of Hern was food. Another was women. The other was a secret passion. One that i hesitated to discuss in print never had i dared utter the craving the deep yearnings the inflamed desire for a Talloo. Yep that s right Ata too. Trouble is some passions Don t mix. They re Rice Oil and water like chivas regal and or. Pepper if 5 a fact women and tattoos Are natural enemies of sure once every generation or so you might meet a Lovely creature who simply adores tattoos but there Aren t near enough women like this to go around. My Pappy and my uncles All veterans of the big one had tattoos. As children my Brothers cousins and i were charmed by the tagged Serpent colled around the Dagger impaled heart under the Banner mom we marvelled at the writhing half naked Hula girl on my Uncle s forearm we poohed and Anahed at the Small boy wearing Only a hat of red Whit and Blue squatting Over a Swastika the womenfolk were appalled tattoos Are disgusting they chanted in chorus. To us they were magnificent. But it was the adventures the stories the mind boggling yams that left us awestruck Mouth agape. Yep i got that one in Singapore said my Uncle in gunner s male. We d been firing the 16-inchers Day and night for Daw he talks like that until the. Barrets melted and the Admiral Halsey that is comes Over to me says thai me and the boys have been Doin such a bang up Job he wants us to Goon or with him. So me and Bull and the boys hit the Beach have a few drinks and  it was assumed that when we joined up we would get tattoos. Ii was the initiation the membership into the club of Man Dom the rile of passage. Welu Blewit. Somehow i got sent to a Sissy communications outfit where even in those glorious pre aids pre herpes Days it was considered dangerous to have your flesh repeatedly Slabbed and permanently dyed by doddering diseased drunks. Female companions reinforced my fear. Don t think you can pick up some infection from a Needle and hang around with Mel was a common theme. Of Yucky she d say. The re disgusting. I m glad you Don t have a Tattoo. They re such a  at the time my lust for feminine companionship lowered above my lust for a Tattoo and i put the notion out of my mind. I believe someone with the funds and foresight to open a Bright cheery and sterile Tattoo parlor would make a killing. A cute nurse in starched Whites would Greet you Good morning or. Flag. What can we do for you today a rampaging Bull elephant on your Abdomen but fool that i was i believed the propaganda. I believed it when i was told Tattoo Parlours Are the Breeding ground for  microbes that cause vital body parts to Wither die and fall off. So i returned with nothing to show of my naval exploits to the world of tattooed men and their scorn. My Cousin a Boatswain s mate had returned from his Lour Only weeks earlier. He returned after four years 3 years of duty 1 year Brig Lime As he had gone in Ane a. 1, on the other hand who had made e-5 in three years and who had Good conduct medals and commendations was a disgrace among my Kinsmen. For beneath my Cousin s unadorned uniform his arms carried the stuff of which legends Are made., Lush bos Alysea nymphs wrestling with giant snakes Anchor chains around the wrists Haifa dozen hearts in various stages of bleeding and shot through with daggers arrows swords switchblade knives Spears and pitchforks with Chi mottos mom mama Mommy Mother maw Momma and a. Topless grass skirted Pacific Island goddesses wrestling with giant makes a recurring biblical theme leaping leopards and leering Lions a rebel Flag emblazoned Wilh the South shall Rise again and Venus on the half Shell wrestling with that s right a giant Snake now How can a Good conduct medal possibly compete with naked women and oversized snakes the menfolk said nothing bul clearly i was a disgrace. The old Man was embarrassed. Of where had he gone wrong had he spawned a wimp years passed bul the yen for a Talloo fucked deep within the folds of my brain rearing its head during Beer soaked sorties in the new Orleans French Quarter hey Lef s get tattoos f d suggest to my alcohol addled companions. Often they would agree and a round was bought to Toast ourselves and to fortify the spirit for the painful ordeal of course each in the group was expected to buy a round and soon we lost rack of what we were toasting. But the wife tired of my nocturnal adventures and soon not Only was i Tattoo less but single. I quickly met the woman who was to become my present wife and again Myyen of companionship outweighed my secret passion. For years it was my secret. The desire remained and the flame grew until i could contain it no Longeri had to let it out i wrote this column last week arts showed it to her. Well a Hadaya think i was braced for the worst. The disgusting Yucky Gross Litany. I Don t care she said matter of belly. If you really want one get it if s ok.". Ii was a crushing blow. For at that moment the flame went  passion for tattoos had died. What is a dinner party without conversation by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners i have a severe hearing impairment but pursue a Octal life. I receive Many dinner invitation Tome of them format the teat i am assigned to to of utmost importance. If i am Given a mediocre place from the hearing Point of View can Grin and Bear it and even get Tome enjoyment. But if i am in a Povillon where i cannot carry Ana conversation i feel dead Nilde and Cut off from the world and would rather stay Home and do something conductive instead of indulging in self pity. I never know in Advance what the seating arrangement Are and i must respect Hierarchy. Would it be permissible to Aik politely for another seat perhaps one rank up or Down t love meeting people but i am unwilling to occupy an unsuitable seat. Gentle Reader your problem is the opposite of the dinner guest question that miss manners usually gets. She is constantly being import Ned by people who wish to notify the hosts of heir menu requirements diet restriction idealistic objections or simple preferences in order to enjoy themselves More fully. To them she must reply that eating is Only an incidental pan of a dinner party and that it is not fair to expect hosts to provide custom meals for a variety of guests that one attends for the conversation and eats what one can perhaps fortifying oneself against starvation beforehand. What then is the main feature of the dinner party Why conversation of course. If therefore a guest  requirement in order to be Able to participate in the conversation he should certainty say so. It would be considerate to mention this to your hosts at the time of the invitation As miss manners gathers that your friends Are in the habit of doing serious sealing arrangements. Although dinner table ranking is done less precisely than it used to be it is some 20 years now since round tables were introduced at the White House exactly to avoid the sort of strict ranking that might result in incompatible dinner partners health consideration such As yours always look precedence Over form. Dear miss manners Mike and i have been. Going together for Oliree and a half year and became engaged Ihu past Christmas. We Are saving Money for a wedding and House and Are getting married to november. My twin sister has been going with Lohn or six month. They have just announced Tia they Are getting married five weeks after my wedding h thai proper etiquette i natio upset i feel the i ruining everything for me. Also he h to be my mad of Honor and vice Vena. My mom is Spiel because of the financial Drain. We Are both planning to invite out of town relatives. How will they feel about coming Back for another wedding u soon i have my gown the Church the Hall everything already  does t have anything yet should the change her Date gentle Reader Vou would t want to have a double wedding would you just to make things easier on miss manners and your Mother you Are after All and despite this dispute apparently on Good enough terms to want to be each other s maid of Honor. Perhaps not miss manners can understand that twins might get sick of this sort of doubling. But such an event was partly designed to avoid just the sort of double imposition on family and guests trial you describe. If miss manners were your Mother she would offer your sister the Choice of a wedding comparable to yours say six months before or six months after your own or a private wedding whenever she wished. Dear miss manners my ton Teiml rated fcb marriage of 20 Yean. I have a Good Recti oium with hit sex wife and want h id continue Tiney have three Lovely children. My problem lit How do i introduce her she is not my laugh tar in Law any More. Also my Ion will be remarried. Will t have id remove their wedding picture she and the children . Gentle Reader miss manners wishes to encourage you in maintaining this relationship. There is altogether too much divorcing going on in this society for people to expect their relatives to discard everyone whom they do besides this lady is the Mother of your grandchildren. That is How you introduce her. You do How eve have an obligation to Welcome your new daughter in Law into the family. Facing her with a photograph of her husband s wedding to another person would have a decidedly chilling effect on such an attempt. Trip of it Aizint Mirch 12, 1987