European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - June 3, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Across the United slates unmarried women often achievers largely upper Middle data Ana College educated Are pert of a growing subculture counterparts in heir Early to mid-305, scorn o have comfor abbe domes lit lives Almy arc Mere Likely to own their own apartments or country houses. They say they have earned to socialize More easily with both single people and couples and Allend parties alone without feeling like a fifth wheel. They describe close relationships with children those of their fiends or of their siblings. They also report deep and Rich attachments with female friends who become a surrogate family As an aside women speculate that single men. Despite their social advantages suffer More irom loneliness since they Are less Likely to have formed such Bond a intimacy is an integral Par of the healthy human condition said Eilen Fleysher 41, an assistant news director at in by to. If you Don l have daily intimate connection with a spouse what tills that need friends fill that need warm Loving friends the younger women interviewed consistently sounded More unhappy. Flen hey live in makeshift surroundings. They said they fell abandoned As i heir friends paired off and entered Filo the Early sometimes exclusionary stages of marriage. There Are still men to be fixed up with and thus the a younger women continue to suffer the tension and disappointment of Blind Dales. I do it then i Hale it and then t Slop said a 32 year old journalist describing Iho cycles of dating. Then i Force myself to do in very few of the older women spoiled an Active social life in the traditional sense. I m out every night of the week with business Type things but hat s not a quote unquote social life said a 39-year-old Public relations executive. Another woman said she could barely remember her isl real Dale. Putting on a Black dress when it s dusk and you feel those Bulle flies she said her voice trailing Olf will ugly. I have to fealty reach Back into my emotional memory for that kind of excitement Many woman walked at the frequent charge that they didn1 Dale because they were Loo fussy. People say i have to lower my standards said one. I m not saying he has to be six feet tall Blond and Captain of the football team. But our minds have to fit like a Jigsaw a1 a recent Yuca singles lecture one woman chided another for finicky behaviour. This gentleman looks Tike a Nice the first woman said what Are you Sophia Loron her Friend walked off in a Huff. But certain women admitted that they Are standoffish in social settings. They speculated that they had cultivated a Don t you dare mess with me Stylo Early in their professional lives when men dominated the work place. This style they feared now inhibited their social lives. One of he things i be heard All my tile is that i intimidate people said a 39-year-old businesswoman but that s protective in helped to some women conceded that choir choices Are consist Only self destructive. My fear is thai i m Only Good with someone who s bad or me said a 32-year old writer i look across the table sometimes and i think what s wrong with me he tikes me. He laughs at my jokes. He went to College but i Don t Leel a Rise. That s a sickness that syndrome experts say is common and signals a oar of commit men. Often it is rooted in childhood said Edith Gilson a vice president at Loo j. Walter Thompson adv rising Agency and Tho author of unnecessary choices the hidden lives of executive women. When you think of your Mother As helpless unable to choose her own Lite you become determined never to be Many women reported a growing pleasure in their privacy some relieved by this fooling of self sufficiency and others fearful they had become too rigid to connect. What you would gain in companionship said one woman you would lose in control of your own Jim Patterson an unmarried 40-year-old advertising executive described a new attitude among his unattached female friends they talk about having their apartment the Way they like it and not having to answer to anyone said Patterson a senior vice president at j. Walter Thompson. They say they went a whole weekend without talking to anyone and in was great. It s like the old Bachelor syndrome. Men always wanted their but such Independence is a double edged sword. One woman described a longing to be bound up in another person s Lile and have him bound up in another woman pointed to the Day when you have problems Al work or want to sound Olf about your Mother female friends can fill that void she said but sometimes Isoif lives Are blasting off in other As the Lima Between relationships length cons. Women report that their interest in both love and sex declines they compared this to giving up cigarettes when the discomfort even Safiy disappears except Lor unpredictable but Sharp cravings. When it sneaks Back no your one woman said you think of boy this is nice.1 " with a handful of exceptions All the women interviewed grieved Over the possibility of living out their lives without children. Many of the ones close to 40 knew someone who had decided to have a baby alone or adopt or were Iho selves considering such alternatives As taking Foster children. Some have sounded out male friends about fathering a child. But the vast majority said they had decided that single parenthood is not the solution for them. And they described making an uneasy peace with their situation look we All be dealt a hand said Iho 39 year old television producer some people Are dealt disease it s not As if we got a hand without a husband and baby and everybody else got a full women who Are con Lent most of the Lime import bad patches like holidays or vacations. Many of them say they go to the office on sunday complaining about overwork but privately grateful Tor a Way to avoid feeling left out among the brunching couples and families pushing strollers. When my married or professional friends Are closed Oul that s the Only time i feel a real said one woman. Several studies Over the years have concluded that single women Are happier than their married Sisters but this Flics in the face of experience for Nancy slap con a Hairdresser who listens to Tho stories Hal women Reserve for their psychiatrists and the people who snip or curl their hair. They seem to feel they re missing something and they re very distracted by looking for a Man Stapleton said of her single clients. You remind them that they re very successful and they say yeah but married women Don t have As Many yeah buts or at least they Don t verbalize june 3,1987 the stars and stripes Page 15
