European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 30, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse The stars and stripes thursday july 30,1987 Coin n1 is today s crossword the wonderful world of and land by Russell Baker would t in be great o get out of America and go live in and land i thought about it again the night or the awful storms. Awful awful storms. They flattened the Corn and brought so much water Down the Creek that the fences washed and land you Don t have 10 worry on nights like that. I saw a Tornado strike one night in and land. It did t just wipe out the Corn and Knock Down he fences in destroyed the whole Beautiful town of Adville. Nothing left but a few splinters and backs. The Tornado had hardly blown itself out before an insurance Man was flying in from and quarters. That s the capital of and land. Faster than you can say Jack Robinson he had insurance Money flowing Adville rebuilt and advil lians hugging each other with Huppi Neu about their insurance company. It did t happen like that when we had the Corn flattening storms. Not a single insurance Man flew in with Check Tor new fencing and com so i telephoned the insurance company. We be had awful Stormi Down Here 1 said. Could you Fly in an insurance Man with plenty of checks right away As our family is dying 10 no g each other half to death about being insured by your particular company said a Telephone voice. Our computer is Down.". Know Why the and land insurance Man Hying into stricken Adville feels so wonderful that he can gel the Lown rebuilt in a minute because he flew on and air. And air never makes its customers stand in line half an hour at the Airport before agreeing to Tell them their reservations have been destroyed something they need t feel bad about since the flight is Over booked anyhow and will be at least two hours late before being cancelled. I d like to live in and lard if for no other reason just for the pleasure of dealing with and air s refund office. What american would t if he was destined to Deal with the Continental airlines refund office for the rest of his life can you imagine and air s refund office refusing for eight Long months to come across with 1238 it look off you Tor tickets on a cancelled flight no sir ree. And air would have flown in a refund Man from a quarters months ago Wilh a Check to be delivered with apologies plus interest. No use trying to make Continental amines feel cheap and. Incompetent by pointing out How poorly they measure up to and air standards. To mail and Telephone its response is nothing if you can imagine a form of nothing that resonates with contempt. Speaking of contempt and Why you Don t have it heaped All Over you in and land As you do in America would t you love to shop at Radmall what a terrific place you want to buy electronic goods for the Eye or ear they be got Icse salesmen who know what s in the store. Radmall where sensitive fantastically educated salesmen Are prepared to advise you. Those great Guys can advise you about real estate too and your wardrobe. And How about a malls s adar maintenance Center where or. Secl Fetlow wrench is dying to Tell you All about the four stroke Cycle of the internal combustion engine in America you Don t find places like that staffed by expert like that do you Radmall even has a complaint Laker in a Large mail order Type store who Miles at you. Why do ill tempered people always Tell you to go to Russia if you Don t like it Here Russia so Russia. I want logo to and land 0 not Yolk Tim new Botn seeking replacement for Ollie Byar Buchwald Ollie North s recent Job in the White House has been one of the most sought alter in the country and intensive interviews Are now being held to fill his shoes. Of who s next i am sir. 1 love my country and will do anything legally to protect it even if in turns out later that it s illegal. I la go up the Hill and Down with anyone in the executive Branch of now. Colonel this Job requires somebody who is Brave Strong unrelenting and willing to be the fall Guy on television. How does that grab you who do i have to be a fall Guy for anybody who ranks Over you or under you. We expect you to follow orders or not follow them whichever is most convenient to the president does this mean i should consider myself a Loose Cannon on the deck of the ship thai is one of the most important parts of the "1 can do thai sir. When do you want me to go to Tehran Tehran is off limits since we sold them arms which they now have announced they would shoot Al our ships. Selling arms to Iran was a dumb thing to do. Who is the Jerk who thought of thai one we have to assume in came from the top you mean Bill Casey of course. He s dead so he now can be blamed for what about the Gipper Don t expect him to remember anything if you get caught now colonel id s set Down to serious business. How Good Are you at shredding classified documents i won my letter in in at the naval Academy. Here s a shredder. Sit Down Over there and Start shredding. Don t quit until 1 Lell you to hey this is fun. What do i do besides shred in Case you get subpoenaed by Congress Lake this Poison Pill. Cow Langatt time by Deale heat k\0, pm m a he beam fam. W lk31 i meet the. Emter Twer it Ehk Huhg a a fit , of bpm Al Mij 1u x Anlo lews spiff to now mid deep in h we. Duke eos of Woess space Han spiff b toe Swiser Zyk King. Niitiah6n/iu.tf-f�s i across remnant 4 no. 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