European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 30, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns pity or gratitude not reasons for politeness by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners we have list come from a family reunion at which my daughter Cousin very pretty tanned with a great figure and a Friend he brought along a Mph ignored my daughter a Well As three other combo. They spent the whole time tunning them Cruci on lop of a boat icy never put in water thawing off their very Brief Bikini. When the other ked ii they were going anywhere in the neighbourhood the two girl dipped their Long hair shrugged and id we re getting mushed on the they then want to a local hangout without taking the Othen along. My daughter 21, a had her Jure of tragedy. A Diabeti from the age of 5, he was Fer lowly injured in an Accident at requiring five . She a at had 23 for Dabete. She Cope Lamy Well and it now very pretty and charming. In Spile of everything. She and her three Cousin think the Olicer Coorn b a Ilutta up snot with nothing but Good look going for her. She was downright Rode answering question with Quick dip retorts. I know she b jealous of our daughter who Han Only child army had More Dothe etc., and a the insurance Money from the Accident the Cousin father owes a More than $100,000 for a Bonnet we told him and a borrowed much More Over the Yean and we have helped in financial crises. I am furious Over the shabby treatment of. Daughter and would Lite in nuke wave of some sort to let the family know. Gentle Reader Don t. Miss manners Dot s nol want to insult your relatives bul they sound like horrid or business associates. However Slie is More disturbed Over the Wiy you Lell the Story. Your daughter s illness and Accident and your Lin Mikiji assistance arc nol reasons that the Cousin should have been police. Implying thai you and your daughter Are entitled to be treated politely because you Are owed something by Fale or Fay he girl1 father is damaging to you fool. We Are All owed police treatment even by our relatives. It should not Lake pity or gratitude to collect. Dear miss manners my husband and i look our children to a Public Park to enjoy the Beautiful Day. After a Lovely morning we were meandering Back to the car swing the remaining tight and planning to go for lurid from there. We Al Down on a Bend because our daughter was tired and complaining that her legs Hurt. The younger children began to complain that they were hungry. A i a explaining that we were on our Way to be something to eat a Young woman who had been sitting nearby handed them Candy to Dkl similar to the one she was eating. I allowed the children to have them alter i quickly looked them Over but i Felt terrible. F was trapped in a quandary. I have taught my children not to accept gift from stranger but i have also taught them that we do not Hurt other people nor do we Embarrass those lest fortunate than we Are. The Young woman appeared to be Only trying to be kind to my children. She obviously had no idea of the problem she had created Lor me. Since nothing happened i think my judgment of her intentions was Correct but i could have bran wrong. My children s welfare it my priority but How we Treal others is important too. Gentle Reader it is to your children s welfare thai you not allow them to believe that one must choose Between doing whatever anyone happens to offer and insulting the offerer. Mrss manners shudders to think what could happen if they grow up believing Lylial declining anything is Rurie. But As you seem to be to infused about this yourself miss manners boiler first teach the lesson to you. Refusing an offer is never in itself rude ills How the offer is refused that makes the difference Between politeness and rudeness. Rudeness consists of snubbing a Well meant offer. As the Young woman appeared to mean Well it would have been rude to turn away from her As if an insult had been intended. The polite refusal consists of a regretful look and the words no thank you but it was kind of you to you must teach the children this. As you had not you As the Mother could have said that perhaps with ome softening explanation Sudi As i d prefer that they did t have sweets before but their education would not be Complete unless you also taught them to recognise the offer that is not Well meant the classic stranger offering Candy or other enticements to children when the parents Are not there to protect them. In that Case it is perfectly appropriate for the children to walk away with or without a Curt no thank you refusing to be drawn into any further discussion. Have a question on etiquette f write to Mas manners in Are of the stars and stripes Apo 09211. You ques Ion will be forwarded to her. Miss manners regrets Hal she can Only answer questions in her column. Some folks who Are outside the zoo should be in by John Windrow Maidne editor when i was just a Larl my sainted Mother read to me every night out of an animal Book. The Book had 26 pages one for every letter of the alphabet. A for Anteater was my favorite Page. I Don t know Why. Maybe i just wanted her to gel done with it and let me sleep. I be always been wild about sleep. Every night in Well like this Johnny who Rio you want to Rea Libou tonight the Anteater. How about the Bearl no. The no. The a neater the Anteater. Thedinga the elephant the Fox the Giraffe my Mother was ,1 Little sick of integers no. No no no. The a Tejler. Me want Anteater. So every night that s whal i got. Finally one glorious Day we got logo to the Memphis zoo my Mother and i did. Hicks on our own in the big cily. Memphis had More traffic lights than you could count sidewalks elevators and liquor stores. It was Babylon to us. We trundled into the 7o�, me hanging on firmly to her hand so i would t get lost in the enormous crowd and never be heard from again. Who do you think was in the very first Cage we walked up Lof that s right gentle Reader there before us in All his Radiant Beauty was the hairy Long nosed Anteater looking for All the world As if he d just stepped out of the pages of my Little Book. My Molher trembled with anticipation for Here was a Chance for her Brilliant 3-year-old to perform in Public. My Molher was Only about 22 then and she knew that i was at least a Genius and probably going to be president of the United status someday if i did t become a world famous preacher which pays better. Now the s older sadder and Wiser. Look Johnny she said drawing the attention of the crowd that had wandered up to the Cage i Here s our Friend the right on Cue i stepped manfully up to Hie rail in front of the Cage stuck out my Little Chest and boldly delivered my lines the a Lealer i said a native of South , digs into the Earth Wilh his powerful claws and devours the ants Wilh his Long Sticky Tongue. Ante Alert Are toothless and densely furred with Long tails and Long skulls. Sometimes called and bears anteaters Are found in tropical forests and Savannas from Mexico to Uruguay. They live alone or in pairs and feed mainly on ant and the crowd was properly astonished As i stepped Back from the Cage and look my Mother s hand delirious Wilh Joy bursting Wilh Pride she rushed Milo the Monkey Cage. Everyone came following after in a whispering throng. Look Johnny she said after regaining her composure there s our Friend the Coo. Goo daa daa due huh Monkey i said is i picked my nose. The crowd headed for the Snake House. All of this came Back to me last week when i read the great Story in stars about the Guys who cracked the Case of the 11r1 Birmingham zoo slaying Down in Alabama. According to the associated press the 100 had a Deer it was very proud of named Bucky possessed handsome Antlers. The a says he led the zoo s White tailed Deer Herd. One dark Day in november of 1983, some fiend Cul a Hole in the Fence slew Bucky and dragged him away. The Guy must be a real sportsman. I be read about people hauling goats and milk cows in for the game Warden to tag on the opening Day of Deer season but at least those Guys think they re Hunting. I wonder if november is Deer season in Alabama. Would the judge gel madder still if you went in for shooting Deer in the zoo out of season they re probably going to find out in Birmingham because they say they be caught the Guy who shot Bucky. The Way they did in warms the cockles of my hard old heart. The authorities had an Alabama Deer Hunters exhibit this month offering a Prie for the finest set of Antlers. They hoped that anyone stupid enough to shool a Deer in the zoo Tiu old be stupid enough to enter them in the Conlest. He was. He brought them in Anil said he d taken the prize Deer with a Bow and Arrow in Winston county in november of 198j. But det r Antlers Are identifiable and the authorities including a Deputy named Bill Carter who had been working on the Case for four years said they can prove the Antlers the Man brought in belonged to Bucky. I Don t know what they should do with this Guy maybe put him in the zoo. But at least i know one Guy went to the zoo who was dumber than i was. 2 Tripti mtg riot jury to 197
