European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - November 15, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Fear of intimacy pervasive therapists find by Daniel Goleman new York times intimacy in combination of sell disclosure ande Molic ,3l closeness is carrying More of a  i my 19h a surveys show More and  have Como to see intimacy in Friendship at v. Ark and at Homo As increasingly important to Thoi sense of Safis faction with life. Whether it reflects an increased consciousness of Tho Mailer or a genuine change in Emolion circumstances or not sub.  apis i a she United slates report seeing More patients who say they have trouble developing intimacy they arc seeking a better understanding of Why some people More readily develop deep attach meals and others Fecit from them. 1 problems with intimacy Are relatively common i hese Days said Joseph Newirth a psychoanalyst Trainer of  Adelphi University in Garden City. . You see manages in which both partners have the sense of not being known by Iho other of nol being  what therapists Are finding ironically is thai the vary resistance to intimacy Hal plagues one s personal relationships is a powerful tool in psychotherapy. A person s Obs ladies 1o being open become obvious in therapy said Ernest Woll. A psychiatrist and training analyst at the Chicago Institute Lor psychoanalysis. For the full Lime in his he the pal enl becomes aware of what he has been doing in his relationships All through  the resistance to intimacy shows i sell in therapy when a aliens Are unreasonably hostile toward therapists when a aliens Dis Lorl what therapists have said or done or when patients remain silent. Those forms of resistance become a major Locos of psychotherapy because they illuminate How Iho patient acts in his other relationships. Such insights can go a Long Way Loward helping patients become More intimate therapists Are finding. For some people Trie Prospect of intimacy strikes outright loaf or niggers an install remoteness to to intimate Means being willing to to Allec cd by someone use s. Feelings to be aware of the nuances of their net maj nags and Ihu moods  said but people who a cd to insulate themselves from the emotional demands of others fear this such people often adopt patterns in i Herr relationships that ensure a Sale emotional distance some people Aller Nalo Between involvement and distance Brcak no up and then making up Over and Over again o ending relationships just As they become Loo intimate. Others tend to become involved Wilh partners who have some flew that guarantees unavailability inny May be married to someone else of addicted to drugs or work. There Are Many couples in which both partners fear intimacy so that even though they May consciously yearn for closeness when they achieve a measure of that closeness one or the other will create distance uni the distance ils olt triggers a new move towards one another according to Judith Ladner a therapist in Rosyln. . Some researchers now question the ton held Assumption that men have less need for intimacy than do women. New data show Hal emotional intimacy is on average of nearly equal importance for the happiness of both sexes but thai there is a telling discrepancy in the place of intimacy in 1he emotional lives of men and women the study based in part on results Frum a National Survey in the United slates is reported by Din p Mcadams a psychologist at Loyola University of Chicago in the current Issue of the journal of personality Mcadams National study is the largest investigation of the need or intimacy to Date in the United Stales. It is based on a new analysis of the responses of 1.206 men Anco women who wore contacted in their Homes during a National Survey of mental health conducted by Joseph Veroff a psychologist at the University of Michigan. Thai study conducted first in 1957 and then again in 1976, showed that Over the course of two decades people saw Persona intimacy As increasingly important us a source of personal fulfil Lent. Men eel almost As great a need for intimacy. On average As do women according to a report by Mcadams. To be published in the journal of personality assessment. Mcadams Lound in a separate study of More than a thousand men and women thai although women lend to have a slightly higher need for intimacy. On average than men the Ditle rence is minor. Whal is very different though is How men and women experience intimacy and the psychological needs it fulfils Lor each sex. For women emotional intimacy fends to Iead disc Fly to happiness Wilh their relationship Rolus. Such As Wile and Mother according Lom Cadam s results for men. On the other hand a sense of closeness is not As suon Gly related to their satisfaction with personal relationships Asil is to their sense of  about the world in general instead such intimacy seems to provide men with an emotional springboard of Confidence and resilience that allows achievements in the would men who value and have intimacy More feel a secure emotional base in  Cadams said the report less spliess and Strain in life and Are More continent about Iho time Page 16 the stars and stripes sunday. November 15,1987