European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - March 17, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns simple rules for camping fun by Dave Barry newspapers today we re a citing to Ulk about panning your camping vacation a Chance to c5cnpe the constant pressures o everyday vile with its incessant Emir Condra Roning flush Loi Lols dirt free fond etc., and gel out where you can become close to nature in All of its awesome life lure Lening grandeur. The first Ruli of camping safety is simple never under any circumstances. Ret out of your car i ice Rcd this Rule when my wife am i went camping in Yellowstone Park which at Ihal Lime old faithful National Geyser which since been purchased by the waft Disney corp. Sinh moved to Florida for the popular , the world of extremely Hal water also contains a Large amount of paiute in the Furni of live bears. There Are signs and Over the plus in Clear language thai under a flirt should you Ever Ever Ever feed Letese bears so of course everybody feeds them . This is America a Rue and nation that is governed not by signs Bui by the people Sliu As a Rule have Chicken Gumbo soup Tor brains. The result of this feeding is that Over the years the Yellowstone bears have gone from being shy unspoiled creatures of the wild to being Large hairy vacant panhandlers who swagger around wearing the Rok h watches of former Lou Risis. My wife and i were careful to remain inside our car most of the time although at night we foolishly slept in a Lent which meant that when we went from one1 ent insure to Mother Here a Brief period tit ring Ivsich we were directly exposed to nature. This led to a harrowing encounter Early onry morning when 1 emerged from our tent. I was hungry and my was logo Forth As woo Fismen have gone Forth for centuries and see if there were any Luckey s miniature Pecan pies left in the car but suddenly i stopped. You develop an instinct in the Woods especially if like me you happen to have 1 huh native american blood coursing through your veins and my instinct told me thai 1 was standing several feet from a very targe Moose an animal the approximate size of the Amazon Basin. 1 will never forget thai moment a thin miss was rising in the still morning air and there almost close enough to touch was this Majestic creature slowly turning its massive head toward Rne. Just for an instant our eyes met and i Felt that we were somehow communicating that i could actually Tell on some level what this Noble beast was thinking. U was thinking i think i la slump him into individual pieces no larger stun Tohidi Brintl sublets. Do not try to Tell me Hal Moose Are peaceful herbivores. Maybe they have been up to now Bui at some Point they re going to figure out that for All these years we human being have been shooting them solely to provide ourselves with comical Wall decor and when they do they re going to be ticked off. Leading mouse scientists agree that it s Only a Malter of Lime before they seethe emergence of a revenge Moose .12,000-Pound heaved and antlered Bernhard get preparing in Romp a bloody Trail across the occupied sleeping bags of America that of course is Why it is so important for campers to know wilderness first Aid. The no. 1 Rule of wilderness first Aid is elevate the victim s head. Then and Only then should you elevate the victim s feel followed by he Elevation of Floc Middle of the victim s body. What we Are trying to accomplish Here is an Elevation of the Overall victim ideally to a height of six to eight feet so Aslo protect him from snakes which believe me Are to More fond of us than inc mome. In the Uvell that a Snake dues bite the victim you should determine whether ii is poisonous which you can Lell because just behind it ear there a fear gels Brunch at Yellowstone. Wilt be a distinctive marking shaped like a Box containing the words do not induce vomiting. If this is the Case you should immediately make two Miler Selling incisions with a Blade then suck Oul about four mouthfuls of blood then hurl the Snake to the ground and via sly Only if you bile this victim again i la suck nut even Morei rude people often fail to respond to invitations by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners after the Las party i gave 1 decided not to give any More parties for such an ungrateful lot of people. Besides in a fit of pique 1 struck off the names of Alt the people who could t be bothered to ill me whether i hey would be attending and that did t leave enough people fur much More than a game of Bridge. Should i Ever again find myself in a position to have to Send Oul invitations i intend to state clearly at the Bottom of lie invitation if i Hare not received a reply from you by whatever Dale i need a head Counti shall assume you will nol be joining that puts the problem with the guest where it belongs if the guest houses to treat the invitation a in unwelcome intrusion into his Busy life it is not the Host s problem. If the guest really would like to attend but is prevented by some other obligation he can still reply with his regrets. In any Case ii forces an answer from people who would otherwise refuse to commit themselves one Way or the other. Since i be sworn off giving parties i have no Way to test his idea. Perhaps you will pass it on to those who arc still trying and ice me know if in works. Gentle Reader m in manners the sad feeling that your experience being not uncommon it Wilt be harder and harder to find people willing to entertain the ingrates you describe. Unless guests and potential guests learn to behave we shall. Miss manners fears continue to see the decline of private just for fun social life and its replacement bylaw quasi ethical self seeking sort of impersonal entertainment for which some business gets stuck with he Bill. Your solution is Only n Stopgap measure. By including disclaimer you Only confirm that the minimal Courtesy of replying to an invitation is no longer expected. And what would you do if a Friend who had no replied nevertheless showed up on the Doorstep Send him away miss manners prefers the tactic pail Elic is in is of explaining Why one needs an answer As if the guests were children who had never been exposed to Basic manners please Lei to know if you will be Able to attend. I would love to see you but i really must plan if i am to entertain you dear miss manners when my husband Wai alive he handled everything so i never though about Liny details such How to lip at restaurants. Now Many single friends and i eat out together out sometime we become confused. It seems each restaurant is different. Fast food places Are no problem. But in some restaurants a Little Iray brought for our Money we Lake the tray with our Bill and Money to the counter. Should we Cave the lip behind on the Tablet in other places they bring us the tray and we put our Money on it inert they return with our change. If the tray it left do we leave our lips on it some lines when we Are paying with a credit card the receipt is left Onloe Lafleor tray. Are we always expected to tear Oul our copy and leave theirs it is embarrassing to Lake our Bill up to the counter and have them Lell us the waiter will handle it from our table How does site know it s the pits not having a Man around to do the Little extras gentle Reader now now. Ladies can manager this just As easily As gentlemen whose memories we want to treasure for much Larnita contributions to happiness than i his. You pay Bill
