European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - June 26, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse Nyji Fowles new York times n important demographic trend in the United Stales is pointing to Iho Fusu thence of traditional american family life with wide implications for the Economy and business. Tho trend is the changing sex ratio among eligible males and females. Some of the immediate consequences of this change will to an increase in birth Rales in Iho 1990s, and a resurgence of he conventions amen can family by the year 2000 father working Mother at Home with the children from today s 2b percent of All households to the 1960s level of 44 percent. The sex ratio compares the number of males in a population to the number of females. Among Marriageable americans Over the past 20 years there has been a Scarcity of males and an abundance of females. Without enough men to go around there has been a marriage squeeze for females. Bui the sex Ralio among americans in their 20s is now reversing from now through the 21 St Century there will be a surplus of mates and an under Supply of females the marriage and family markets Are about to heat up. For iwo decades there has been a shortage of eligible males largely due to the baby Boom Iho 75 million americans born Between 1947 and 1964. The when outnumber reason a that Lisl time bridegrooms tend to Many women who Are two to Throe years younger. This trend has remained constant Lor decades. And since each year of the baby Moorti until 1957 saw a larger number of births than the previous year each age group of older males sought partners among a younger and larger group of females. This meant thai the number at older men was too Small for the larger group of younger women. Once the Largaud group of baby Boomers passed through its 20s which happened in 1987 Tea younger remaining baby Boom males had to begin looking for their female companions from among a smaller group of females from the Post 1957 baby bus generation. For these men finding wives two to three years younger i not be As easy As it was in he past when men outnumber women life in America is Hiety to be quite different. When eligible men Are comparatively rare there is a tendency for them to exploit the situation. In such a society acc Orting to University of Houston social scientists Marda Guttentag and Paul Secord men have multiple relationships with women and become less willing to commit themselves to one woman in marriage. When they do Many they Are reluctant to Start Fambles birth rates fall marriage Bonds prove weak and divorce rates Rise. When Young mates ate More numerous than females. By Jane e. Brody new York times Larissa was married to a Man who was habitually having affairs. We had always worked together at Home she recalled. I knew what Charlie did every moment of the Day. He was always Home at night. A when to started not coming Homo nights. I knew he was having affairs. 1 lot it go on. We never Evan talked about it. Would fix him sandwiches when to got Home and say doctors Call people like Charlie sex addicts noting that they share Many characteristics with others who engage in self Desler Octiva compulsive behaviour. Most sex addicts Are men who cannot Stop from indulging in repealed sexual affairs even when the behaviour jeopardizes their primary relationship the experts say. The spouses of addicts Are typically viewed As unfortunate victims. They Are olten even admired for being so tolerant of the addict s hurtful anti social sett destructive behaviour which May involve understanding spouses of sex addicts sex. As in Charlie s Case or alcohol drugs or gambling. But recent studies of the spouses called co addicts by health professionals reveal a different picture. They show that in Many ways the Choice of an addicted mate was preordained by beliefs and behaviour patterns folded by the spouse s childhood experiences and relationships with parents. Understanding these origins is important to recovery writes of Jennifer p. Schneider in her new Book Back from betrayal recovering from his affairs Harper and Row. J15.9s. The goal i not to fix blame but to enable the spouses or mates of addicts to overcome the crippling effects of Ihler beliefs and get on with a More Normal he. Furthermore abandoning the role of co addict is often critical to the recovery of the addict. Clarissa disclosed tha Story other Lite with Charlielo Schneider who recounted it in her Book without using their last names. Although Schneider describes the characteristics and backgrounds of the partners of men who compulsively engage in sexual affairs most of the patterns can be applied to others such As the spouses of alcoholics and people who grew up in very troubled Famales. Or. Patrick Camos a family therapist at the Golden Valey health Center in mine Sola. Estimates that Between 3 percent and 6 percent of americans Are sexual addict. Carnes has studied sexual add clan extensively and written a Book out of the shadows understanding sexual it Section compare publications. S8.95. He said about 60 percent of those who seek treatment Are men and most spouses who seek help Are women although he suspects mom women Are Alt cled than this statistic suggests. Schneider an internist in Tucson ariz., is married to a Man she describes As a recovering sex addict. Following the couple s successful treatment she has counselled others married to men who cannot resist having affairs. She outlines the following deep rooted beliefs As typical of a woman married to asexual addict she is not a worthwhile person. Often there is a wide Gap Between the kind of person she appears to be and the person she Beeves herself to be. Despite outward appearances and the spouse of an addict Leeb the she a deeply flawed and worthless and does not deserve to be Happy. She measures her Worth by what other people Mink. She is so dependent on someone that she has Little or no senso of 86 Elan one married to a sex added and now a Seh confident assertive administrator sealed n an with Schneider i Dan l know who i was without a male to let me. I was always Page 16 the stars and stripes sunday june 26,1988
