European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - August 5, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 10 the stars and stripes columns James j. Kilpatrick party platforms insult intelligence of voters National political plat forms in the familiar phrase Are like peanuts they Are made to be Bro Ken. Put the cynicism to one Side. The democrats platform placidly adopted at Atlanta ought not to be entirely ignored. This Windy statement of party objectives had one admirable aspect it was mercifully Brief. Otherwise with few exceptions it was the old hot air. The same observation May surely be made of the platform the republicans will adopt in new Orleans. Just As the democrats charged the republicans with every ill that assails the nation soothe republicans will claim credit for All that looks Good across our land. Every such platform insults the Intelli gence of voters but we Are a tolerant Herd like cattle in a Meadow we will stoically accept almost anything the elements throw at us. The party platform was not the Only aspect of the Atlanta convention tha Calls for reflection. Before the parties meet again in 1992, much thought has to be devoted to the overweening role of television in our political system. This was a convention wholly dominated by to. For All practical Pur poses nothing Ever happened before 9 o clock in the evening. Not until the networks began their coverage did we hear the ritual invocations. Every Dis Pute was papered Over lest the viewer see a plaster crack of dissension. The delegates might have been sent from Central casting. The poor sheep had nothing to do but to cry Aye on the chairman s Cue. In theory this was the democrats convention. In actuality it was the networks convention and they suffered horribly in the ratings. There is much talk that in 1992 they will carry even less of whatever Bob tailed conventions May be held. A personal word Atlanta was my17th National political convention. I love these Giddy clambakes but except for a few High moments Jesse Jack son s emotional address Michael Dukakis excellent acceptance speech it was a dispiriting affair. Jackson s proposed amendments to the platform were voted Down As indifferently As one swats the flies of summer. This was the stuff of stage plays. The make believe blood was so much Ketchup. V is so too was the party platform. It was a synthesis of All the Gassy neb Ulous ideas that constitute today s anaemic liberalism. Only two or three planks had the solid thump of honest Timber. The platform Calls for statehood for the District of Columbia. It urges adoption of the equal right amendment to the Constitution. It endorses an indexed minimum wage. I brands South Africa a terrorist state a charge that cannot be Swal Lowed without gagging. Otherwise the platform is hooey. It deplores the unending tragedy of family farm foreclosures without the least hint that Many such foreclosures resulted from bad judgment. It Calls for at least 25 expanded Federal pro Grams without one word to suggest How these might be financed. On the matter of defense the platform is resoundingly ambivalent it Calls for a America neither gun shy nor trigger  Hooray for that. The pledges Are mercurial. They will not linger for examination. Let us Lis ten attentively to one paragraph that epitomizes the whole we believe that we can rebuild America creating Good jobs at Good wages through a National reinvestment strategy to construct new housing re pair our sewers rebuild our roads and replace our Bridges. We believe that we must pursue needed investment through innovative partnerships and creative financing mechanisms such As a voluntary program to invest a por Tion of Public and private pension funds As a steady source of investment capital by guaranteeing Security and a fair rate of return and assuring sound project  it will be observed that every word in that paragraph is an English word. Each of the two sentences has a subject we and a predicate believe. The subordinate elements hang together in a reasonable order. Yet the paragraph is entirely devoid of meaning. It reads backward As Well As Forward with equal opacity. What Pray is a Clear headed Tough minded decisive american for eign policy what is meant by a workable agricultural policy that includes Supply management and reasonable Price supports one turns this bag upside Down and nothing spills out. The democrats wanted it Gauzy and they got it Gauzy. Prospero s epitaph sums up Atlanta. The revels end the insubstantial pageant fades the base less fabric of the democratic vision melts into air thin air and leaves not a rack behind. The republicans will do no better. Universal press Syndicate Jim Fain meetings Hobgoblin of american productivity America s fastest growth Industry is neither junk and undertakers. These May sound diverse but look their mid level underlings 11. Anyone cognizant of food nor junk Bonds. It is junkets More accurately the meetings that give junkets what spooks Call cover and tax lawyers Call shelter. Last year 62 percent of the Gross National product was generated by these ritual compressions of human beings. Even not counting such Noble assemblages of political woodwinds As Atlanta and new Orleans 1988 still will set a new record. In Washington s Lush Hothouse where any Folly can flourish my neighbourhood is bounded by twin Conven Tion hotels on the South and the National zoo on the North. This May sound like a distinction without difference but in truth the two cultures abide on separate planets. The real zoo people those who know they Are attend ing a zoo dress More appropriately appear More thoughtful and project a sense of purpose. The conventioneers Range from evangelical undies who litter our cafes with religious tracts to world Bank Panja Drums whose stretch Limos have the turn ing radius of an aircraft Carrier and Render walking one s dog along the adjacent sidewalks a Dicey proposition. In Between Are Chicken sexes ophthalmologists identical their faces the same mix of anxiety astigmatism and annoyance As interchangeable in their pins tripes and i i m at tags As Bowling teams in Gimme Caps. A few years ago the Onrush of telecommunications struck terror among the handful of economists who know How totally our Prosperity depends upon these consciousness deadening congregations. They need not have worried. The function of meetings can not be performed without physical presence. Conventions Are not for communicating. They re for electing officers to plan the next convention. In the workplace meetings Are not for spawning ideas or choosing Strate Gies. Those you can do with pcs. Meetings Are for stroking the Boss s ego. To be fair out of town gatherings do undergird the airline hotel taxi and Tuxedo rental industries. Except As a defense against efficiency and Over production there is less to be said for meetings at the office. A psychologist at the Wharton Center for applied research in Philadelphia reported that senior manag ers she studied spent 23 hours a week in meetings the damage top Bosses can wreak on productive enter Prises will grasp the potential for Good in that statistic provided a Way could be found to keep the people who get the work done out of the same meetings. Alas it is not to be. Some poor souls have to Type notes tap spoons on glasses and say penetrating in sight big  others Are needed As backdrop. Among these Are the Folk who might otherwise be put to use. Though bolstering the service Industry at Home meetings Are the sole cause of our competitive Ness problem abroad. Fortunately for the Dollar they Are globalizing apace. Soon the japanese will waste almost As much time preening egos As do we. Nor will perestroika save Gorbachev. It s not so much absence of a free Market As those interminable speeches that paralyse his Economy. We must be careful How we tackle this problem. The gods of Absurdity work their miracles in mysterious ways. Think How much further along the greenhouse effect would be had we not wasted so much time i togetherness. Cox news service