European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 4, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse Getting a child to sleep in his own bed by Marianne and Stephen a Garber and Robyn Freedman Spizman Cox news service in the Spring to responded to several families questions about gelling a child id sleep in disown Bod. Children Lave to sleep with their Parent Sand. Given the Opportunity they will do so proponents of the family bed wrote to disagree Wilh our position and asked us to reconsider. We strongly believe As do the majority of paediatricians psychologists and other mental health professionals thai it is better or children to have their own space in which to sleep. As we stated this does t mean that a Young child May never climb into a Patent s bed. Unusual circumstances such As illness Call for special responses. At other times when a child Calls out or an infant cries a Parent should Check on the child give Comfort and remedy any problems. Sometimes parents project their problems with separation Onlo their infants. Small babies probably mind sleeping alone less than their new parents do. Mom and dad May rest belter if the new baby sleeps in a Bassinet or crib Wilh Iri heir own bedroom everyone children and adults alike needs hugs and cuddling before bedtime in the morning or anytime during the Day. Putting affectionate arms around a child giving a kiss or Noling a youngster s efforts with a smile and Praise should not be reserved to one time of Day. We All respond to Loving attention. Babies and children Are very special people. In a Lew Short years they learn More about the world and themselves than they will All the rest of their lives. What Hoy learn and How they feel about themselves and others is crucial. Children must be listened to the meanings behind the actions As Well As the words and tears Musl be heard and a response Given. It is a Parent s responsibility and the greatest Challenge of child rearing to raise a child so he Levels secure and pleased with himself. That takes great patience and All the positive parenting skills a Mother or father can Muster. It is an awesome Job parents assume in raising children. Years ago extended Fri Miries accepted some of the responsibility. Aunts and uncles cousins and grandparents were nearby to share Many of the Day to Day tasks of bringing up a child. Today Many parents do this alone. The frustration they feel stems from the isolation uncertainly and exhaustion they experience having a child sleep in his own room does not mean a Parent loves that Little being loss or thai the child s Calls Are ignored. There is no research to indicate a child who sleeps in his own bed from birth is insecure. Nor in our experience or Hal of Many protest opals Wilh whom we have discussed this Issue Are the children who sleep with their parents More secure better adjusted or happier. In Many cases just the opposite is True and even More so if parents Don t want a. Family bed. Reader s letter my three children s negative behaviour Soems to All Stem from their perception of relative fairness or unfairness. I continue to Parrot life in t always i Don t think they even hear me anymore. The boys Are 11 and 9 the girl is 6. The older ones Battle the most. Ignoring them does t help. , in Atlanta dear , you re right Lile in t always fair but the lateness trap is one Many parents tall into. When parents attempt to even out All situations for their children they Are attempting the unattainable. Don l fall into the trap of feeling you Musl do something for one child every time you do something Lor the other. Surely you Don t want to play la orites but a balancing act like that actually provokes sibling rivalry. It s More productive to Sel rules and give privileges according to age sex and accomplishments. Avoid contests but encourage cooperation. Resist entanglements in Long discussions about fairness they Lead to never ending plays for attend Lon. Make cooperation and Compromise a goal that your children strive to reach. Call a family meeting to discuss the issues. Select one common situation to solve. For example have the children devise the rules Lor selecting which television show to watch. Try out their suggestions through Rote playing until the children Are satisfied with their plan. Now you Are no longer the referee. When a dispute arises the rules Are in effect. They Are Lair because the players created them. Ii the children can l follow their own rules warn them Hal the television will be turned off and timed out for a reasonable Tengle of Lime. That gives you some leverage. Once the children learn the rules Are real. Hoy will be More Likely to adhere to them. Behaviour guide did you know More children Dio each year from bicycle accidents than irom accidental poisonings Falls or accidents with firearms yet very few children Wear protective gear when they ride. Get your child a Good helmet and add reflective patches to clothes and Bike Tor Riding in poor Light. Make sure your rider knows the rules of the Road and rides defensively. Mir Lime and Stephon w. Virber ind a Ninfi for admin Spizman world Ion Oak to Hariolf a tin Atlanta Jour Oil we conic Ulkei. About which of his refusals had been the most effective. The time he offered me the Beer and i said no. Thanks i Don t like the taste now that was a Good one attender said. Would it have worked if i d said it s because it s going to give me liver disease is one Beer going to give me liver disease it s like smoking and cancer All those excuses that Are far in the future Are not All that whether thai comes to mind the next time someone hands Willy a Beer is an open question. For Despota tougher Law enforcement widespread publicity and sweeping educational campaigns alcohol is still the drug of Choice among teenagers. At least 100,000 elementary schoolchildren report gelling drunk on a weekly basis according to the american Council for drug education a non profit group that organizes conferences and promotes and publishes research. The result is increasing alcohol abuse among teen agers Al a Lime when other forms of substance abuse appear Lobo decreasing. To counter the trend schools Aie increasingly turning to psychologists peer group Counselor and Law enforcement officers like Allender. To supervises project dare a Oil program of the Baltimore county police department and the local school Board which the drug education Council considers one of the most promising programs. The evidence suggests that poachers have a Long Way logo before Hoy change students minds on when to Star drinking. In new York state 16 percent of the students in a recent statewide Survey reported that they had tasted liquor before their ninth birthday and the pressure to drink increases with adolescence. A University of Michigan study found that 92 percent of seniors had tasted alcohol two thirds had had a drink in the month Belote the Survey and Moro than a third had been drunk in the preceding two weeks. A study in Amherst. N.y., a Buffalo suburb found that older Leen agers drink More seniors drink three times As much As freshmen and almost twice As much As sophomores. Not Only Are Young people drinking with regularity said Joseph a Bachovchin. Director of the Amherst youth Board which helped coordinate the Survey they Don l perceive it As a problem. In a sense Hal is even More important because in makes the alcohol abuse much More difficult Lodeal from the Amherst Survey confirm Bachovchin s View on a scale of 1 to 10. Wilh 10 being the most serious problem parents gave gelling drunk a 9.1, while students gave it a 5.b. Only slightly More serious than skipping school. In the Michigan study Only 26 percent Felt that a drink a Day posed a threat to personal health or safely despite much evidence that alcohol is a Factor in thousands of automobile accidents and suicides involving teen agers. For those who Are Lucky enough to escape such incidents what Are the Long term consequences of drinking a recent study by scientists at the University of California at los Angeles found that teen agers who become heavy users of alcohol and drugs in High school were Likely to have problems in adulthood but that represents Only a Small number of students. The study Lound that the vast majority of Leen agers who occasionally drink or use drugs at social gatherings suffered no lasting negative effects. T.1988 the stars and stripes Page 15
