European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - January 28, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Is Gus Schuettler optional devices on the nearly Century old Swiss army knife Range from scissors to fish sealers. A Century on the cutting Edge by Kate Callen United press International Only a couple dozen members showed up in Boston for the first Ever Swiss army knife society convention but together they could have cleaned a fish carved a Turkey patched a sail adjusted a Carburettor sawed through prison bars and performed an emergency tracheotomy. Yes All this and More from a four Inch pocket knife that s nearly 100 years old. The legendary Swiss army knife the Granddaddy of All purpose gadgets was invented by Swiss Cutler Charles Elsener in 1891 and first issued to All Swiss soldiers in 1897. Elsener s original six Blade knife was refined Over the years with an array of optional tools scissors sewing Needles fish sealers Phillips head screwdrivers Metal files Etc. But the knife itself has remained inviolate. Like the casing of red celador plastic resistant to oils and acid like the signature inlaid Silver Cross and All the stainless steel implements the Aura of owning a Swiss army knife is guaranteed to last forever. A person who packs a Swiss army knife has gotten a fix on life s caprices and is laying out the Welcome mat. Just ask any of the society s 300 members. Some folks think it s pretty funny that there is a society dedicated to of All things Swiss army knives. Well we think it s pretty funny too said club founder Rick Wall in his keynote address at the convention in december. We take a somewhat Tongue in Cheek View of our excessive fondness for our beloved Blades. But we Are also Here to celebrate the spirit and Salute the 100 year old tradition of Swiss army knives said Wall. In the spirit of the knife the convention was modest in size impressive in scope acid mostly a lot of fun. For the neophyte Standard Issue Swiss army knives were available at $35 each and copies of the society s $5.95 handbook the Swiss army knife companion were Selling steadily. For the serious collector More sophisticated models were put on display. Only two Swiss firms Victorinod and Wenger Are licensed to make Elsener s patented knife and together they produce More than 330 versions ranging in Price from $12 to $75 and beyond. There was plenty of convention humor including impressionist Bill Price picture William f. Buckley extolling the knife and stand up comic Garland Ellis did you hear about the american army knife with budget overruns each one costs $275,000". And then there was Fred Pickler. Pickler a Wilmington n.c., Law enforcement Supply Salesman who specializes in tear Gas is the world s Foremost expert on Swiss army knives and the owner of a Peerless collection. I just love these Little critters Pickler said opening a thick album of color glossies of his favorite knives. You might say these Are my  there Are certain things Pickler does not Tell you about his Swiss army knife collection. He would t estimate its Worth which must be Well into five figures. A knife with a Mother of Pearl handle he found in Australia Cost me three pair of shoes he says. When my wife saw what 1 paid for it she went out and bought herself three pair of  nor will Pickler Tell you How he got one of the knives with emergency tracheotomy Blades that drug manufacturer Eli Lilly co. Commissions from Victorinod and sends to thousands of medical interns each year. And Pickler will never reveal which White House insiders slipped him the special Issue autographed Swiss army knives bestowed As vip souvenirs by Lyndon Johnson Ronald Reagan and George Bush. But if you want to Hook up with other knife aficionados anywhere in the world Fred is your Man. If you Ever get to Singapore he told the conventioneers go to Aqua and Leisure in the tangle inn shopping  Swiss army knife owners know they Are a strange Breed. They Don t expect everyone to share their passion for this perfect Gadget. And they Don t care so much that the knife is displayed at new York s museum of modern Art. These folks live for the moment when a Backpack Frame comes Loose on a camping trip when a fish line gets hopelessly knotted five Miles out at sea when everyone has  bottle of wine to a picnic and no one remembered a Corkscrew. Holding up the latest edition of to guide impressionist Price said proudly listen to this and for macgyver i be got to Stop a Bulldozer from destroying an Amish Community with nothing but a two by four and my Swiss army knife " Why does he need the two by four someone yelled from the Back. Erma Bombeck much has been said about critics. Channing Pollock said a critic is a legless Man who teaches  Stephen Potter regarded Book reviewers As people who show that it is really they who should have written the Book if they had had the time and since they had t they Are glad that someone else had although obviously it might have been done  George Bernard Shaw summed up a drama critic As a Man who leaves no turn  critics will always have a place in this world but we have reached a weird time in history where they outnumber the people being critiqued. This has had a decided effect on those of us who stumble through each Day without an Advance copy or preview tape and who Don t know How we feel about life until the reviews come out. Before i go to a film i have been informed by a critic that there is no plot. This is right after he has revealed it to me he reports the film has no integrity and would Appeal Only to someone who considers mud wrestling an Art form. Am i going to take a Chance on going to this film and liking it what am i crazy for weeks i look Forward to a new television series. Two nights before it airs a critic writes its obituary. So Why should i make time in my life for something that s not going to be there for me there s no place in town to eat anymore. Food critics have put Tough Calamari right up there with rat infestation. As for attending anything on Broadway forget it. I can t move that fast. A critic once closed a show in the time it took me to get a cab to go to the theater. It does t Stop there. There Are reviewers of symphonies concerts Art shows and fund raisers. I even read a column by a woman who reviews Church sermons. Every time the president Speaks his speech is saturday january 28, 1989 followed by a group of critics who proceed to Tell us what he said How Well he said it and what he did t say. Acceptance speeches for the emmy and oscars Are judged by the Media within hours and before you Check into a hotel it is Wise to make sure All five of its stars Are still in the Galaxy. It s Only a matter of time before the performances of doctors plumbers and Auto mechanics Are reviewed by the Sickels and Eberts of Public service. The Basic surprises of life Are disappearing one by one. Any Day now i expect to read a review of a wedding pointing out that the ceremony had Little substance the Groom was miscast and the Bride s father admitted the production was Over budget. My husband dropped my mail on the desk yesterday and said nothing exciting Here. Just a lot of  see what i mean everyone s a critic c 1989ermabombeck the stars and stripes Page 17