European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 10, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                In retirement St of tuition room and Board at $19,980. The next of Bennington College will charge $19,975. Re in what May to a new trend George i ton University has announced two tier  10, 1989 the University is raising tuition 10 percent Lor returning students to $10,530, but 20 percent for incoming freshmen to $11.500. College officials say they have not seen any real evidence of Middle class flight from private colleges although there Are Many anecdotes about students who have gone to Public universities because the private College of their Choice simply did not come up with the necessary financial Aid. We have been worried about it Lor about 10 years but so far we Don t think that we actually Sec that it s happened said Katharine Hanson executive director of the consortium for financing higher education when asked about Middle class flight. But when you get enough anecdotes the plural of anecdotes is data she added. One question who is Middle class a $40.000 income May provide a comfortable style of life in one City but a fairly lean existence in another Many colleges Pride themselves on providing financial Aid packages for All students who need help. Students and their families fill out forms detailing virtually everything about their income and their financial situation. Based on this the College determines the amount Olaid a student needs in a varying mix of scholarships and Grants that do not have to be paid Back and Loans that do have to be paid Back. The package also often includes specific amounts that the College expects the student to earn in the school year or in a summer Job As Well As Money directly from the family. But often the family s perception of what it can afford to pay toward a child s education and the College s perception Diller widely. Children who divorce Parent by Marianne and Stephen Garber and Robyn Freedman Spizman Cox news service Reader s letter i went through a very Biller divorce four years ago. My wife of 20 years left me for another Man. One son the oldest literally divorced me at the same Lime and has had almost no Contact since. I made every Effort possible to reconcile but was rebuffed. Now my daughter is also having no Contact. Their Mother did this to her father Lor 20 years and in my opinion has worked for years to set me up As a bad Guy and to brainwash the children. My Middle son remains Loyal to me and Loving. All my Many offers for professional counselling and even sessions with a psychologist for my other children which i agreed to pay for were rejected. I was told there was nothing wrong with them i was the one who had problems i went in by myself and was told after several sessions that i was Fine and received help in dealing with the loss of my family. There in t any incest or child abuse or anything major Here. Should children divorce reject or totally remove a Parent from their lives when that Parent loves them and desires reconciliation How do you suggest i Best Deal with this Lor my own menial health How do you suggest i attempt to develop a new relationship with the children a distraught father. Dear distraught father we Leel your concern. Divorce is a painful process when children Are involved but it can become a tragedy when offspring Are caught in the crossfire. At thai Point who was right or wrong is no longer the Issue. The conclusions of a Long Range study of the effects of divorce on children Are presented by Judith Wallerstein in her Book second chances. It appears that the most unfortunate and Long lasting ramifications of divorce for children result from recurring conflicts Between sex spouses. Her research supports the notion that continued bitterness and conflict Between parents is sometimes the worst legacy of divorce. In fact it is How the sex spouses get along that seems to influence How Well the children adjust to divorce. Unfortunately for some families divorce Means additional conflict and arguing rather than an end to strife. Your letter Points out that sometimes conflicts Between parents reflect patterns of previous generations. Although each of us learns from our parents occasionally the lessons Are far from beneficial. Unless those chains Are broken the new generation learns the same lessons. Following a difficult divorce some lathers choose to become estranged from their children. You Are to be commended for your Strong desire to maintain a relationship with them. Professionals agree that in most cases children should have regular Access to the non custodial Parent so that relationship can be nurtured. Although you be not been successful with All of your offspring your attempts have not been unnoticed by your son. He May. For the time being misconstrue or interpret your actions in Light of his Mother s Altitude but he cannot ignore your continuing efforts. Though there Are always two sides to every Story ultimately your son will have to make his own decisions about his feelings for his parents based on his history of interactions. From our Point of View your suggestion about family counselling was a reasonable one. A family therapist May help your children define their feelings More clearly. The therapist will also work to develop healthy interaction patterns among family members. Unfortunately Al the present it May not be possible to enlist All parties in family counselling. Nevertheless we encourage you to offer the suggestion thai the family meet with an objective third party. In the meantime continue to Send messages to family members so that they will know you care and Are interested in re establishing Contact. Your actions even unanswered Are important. Don t pass up opportunities such As holidays and birthdays to Send notes and gifts. In situations like this your Only approach is persistence. Being steadfast to your aim May eventually Lead to a new relationship with your son. Finally remember you must also take care of yourself emotionally. Whatever has occurred in the past self blame is rarely beneficial. It May be helpful for you to continue to work with a therapist to heal some of the wounds you have experienced. Give yourself credit for being willing to work hard to change the pattern of interactions that exist in the family. Good Luck. The stars and stripes pagans