European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 28, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Sunday May 28, 1989 the stars and stripes Page 11 Ann Landers dear Ann Landers a column you wrote years ago served As a Lifesaver to my Hus band and me this week. Thank god i Cut it out and saved it. It was exactly what we needed to Cope with our grief and despair. Our Beautiful Bright award winning 16-year-old daughter had run away. Dottie wanted to marry a former Boyfriend whom she had been forbidden to Sec. The Man Eddie is 25, has been treated for drug addiction and has hepatitis b. He is a heavy Drinker and non Stop smoker. We thought these were sufficient reasons to say you re Only 16. You May not Date him and you certainly May not marry  Dottie refused to come Home. She would t Tell us where she. Was and would t talk to us on the phone unless we agreed to let her marry Eddie. Since she is nearly 17, the Legal age to leave Home in this slate and we could t Force her to stay Here we Felt that we had no Choice. A column you wrote in 1980 gave us courage and enabled us to Cope. It proved to be a godsend. I copied it on the word processor and framed it. It now hangs in our Library. I passed on copies to my friends who arc also facing heartbreaking problems with their kids. Those of us who love our children and try hard to be Good parents suffer terribly when they go wrong. You arc the Best source of Consolation i have found Ann. Please rerun the column that saved our family. East coast parents dear parents Here it is. I Hope it helps others As it has helped you. Dear friends to you and the thousands of other parents who Are miserable because of what you have done to your children i say this Slop beating yourselves. You did the Best you could with the tools Al band inexperience Clay feet the works. No one knows Why some children turn out to be champions in spite of parents who provided precious Little emotional nourishment while other kids loved wanted tenderly nurtured with All the so called advantages turn out hostile. Irresponsible unmotivated and unreachable. I have come to believe in the genetic Factor that has been ignored by Many behavioural  we All in Herit our nervous system and if the nervous system is fragile it places severe limits on what a person can tolerate. Certain individuals Are born survivors. They can withstand life s toughest blows and emerge the stronger for it. Others crumble in the face of minor adversity. The same tire that melts butter can make steel Strong. Let us not Overlook personal responsibility. I am sick of hearing children blame their parents for their messed up lives. People with All sorts of handicaps can and do make it in this demanding and competitive world. Enough of this you damaged me now take care of me nonsense. It s a cop out. Parental guilt Laid on by your kids is so thick you can Cut it with a knife. It serves no purpose except to perpetuate financial and emotional dependence and create a climate of insecurity and ultimate failure. Cod helps those who help themselves. Gem of the Day credit Irv Kupcinet what can you say about a society that says god is dead and Elvis is alive los Angeles times syndicated columnist unders welcomes you letters. You can write to her m care of Tho stars and stripes. Apo 09211. Us. Forces letters self Worth called key to rebuilding life you May remember my letter published last no vember. I was the lady who built happiness around my husband and was shattered when he had several affairs. My letter urged Young people to build happiness on their own self Worth rather than depend on some one else to make them Happy. I ended the letter in thankfulness for the Circum stances that forced me to discover my Gem of self Worth along with an invitation for my husband to discover its secret. In sharing what s happened since last november i want to focus on the ugliness of adultery and share the Means through which i survived it. And now. The rest of the Story. My husband was t interested in my Gem. In fact he moved out and is living with a new Gem whom he wants to marry. Separation did t remedy my Circum stances it Only brought new aspects of pain. There is the ache of losing someone i still love the sting of being rejected for someone better fear of failure at becoming a single Parent and breadwinner for three children the loneliness of starting life Over after being stripped of even thing that once provided a secure life. However the most devastating pain comes from watching our children suffer because of scparati9n. They Don t understand the glow of new love which pumps life into their dad they Only know that it hurts to Sec him with the stranger who has taken my place. They Don t understand the reasons for our mov ing Back to the states they Only know that it hurts to leave their dad and their friends behind. How have i survived the separation although i was powerless to Stop painful circumstances from Over coming my life the secret behind self Worth enables me to endure the pain loneliness and stress. My Trou Bles Haven t disappeared but an unseen Power strengthens me to become As Strong As the Circum stances with which i must Deal. I View these past years with respect because through them i be come to know an inner strength that has no limitations. Where did i find such limitless Power i found it by talking to myself listening to the voice inside my head and Reading about a famous world Leader it s not new age egomania it s called prayer listening to god s voice and Reading the Bible. The Power comes in be Lieving the truth about a Man called Jesus and follow ing his example. You May feel your spouse would never be unfaithful. I used to feel that Way i urge you to examine your marital relationship along with the atmosphere in our military Community. Living in a foreign country Long working hours Field duty and stress create anxious lonely people searching for love and happiness. They arc the Fertile ground of adulterous relationships for dependents As Well As soldiers. If you re strolling those Fertile Fields get out now before you destroy your dig nity marriage family and career. Those of you who have already planted those Fields May find that Only thorns grow there. I share Hope with those who have been torn by the thorns of adultery. You cannot Only survive the wounds you can be victorious Over them. Discover the secret of self Worth Rind out who Jesus was Why he died and what happened to the dead Man. When you believe what you discover you will find lasting Happi Ness and have the Power to live your life in spite of your circumstances. Name withheld Frankfurt West Germany postal clerks respond to complaints we have of late taken an interest in the Many letters you receive complaining about mail service. Let us introduce ourselves sgt. David James is the unit mail clerk for the Fulda military Community and spec. Glenn Collins is the unit mail clerk for 1st so i Ith army Cav regt. Combined we handle approximately 65 percent of All mail coming into Fulda. We would like to add the following remarks in the area of mail operations primarily to our customers. Why is my Box late contrary to popular belief we do not hide your boxes in the dungeons of our mail rooms. When we get them you get them. Trust us Why was my mail dissent we Don t know. Try asking the mail handler in Topeka Why he put your letter in the wrong Box. I can t. What do you mean you sent my mail Back to the sender gee who arc you did t you in pro Cess my mail room my wife s brother s sister s Cousin got a letter returned to her. Why did you do that to me i Don t know let s Check your directory card. Oooo Ops you forgot to Tell me that your wife receives mail under her third husband s name. Why is my Box crushed gee sorry. Believe it or not i received it this Way. Try asking the handler at o Harc Airport Why he ran Over it with his cart. Where s my Reader s digest in my pocket. Actually refer to Why is my Box late and Why was my mail missant Why is mail so late on mondays come by the Apo some Day and find out for yourself. We could use the help. Why was my letter sent to the wrong troop oooo Ops sorry. I forgot that i m human. By the Way did you Tell your Uncle s brother s daughter s Friend that you switched troops the phone is ringing hold on a moment. Mail room Here. Why Aren t you sending me my mail i Don t know let s Check your directory card. Oooo Ops you did t out process the mail room. "1 looked into your office last night and there was still mail not pitched. Why gee let s  no Box number or unit. I be been looking up these people to Sec where their mail goes. Besides i sleep too. Is mail up yet hold on a second let me drop this bag of mail i m carrying from my Van to my office so i can answer you. What was the ques Tion again what do you mean it was Loo big to fit in my Mailbox. I had to wait until today to pick it up. You were closed after the movie last  Actu ally it is Small. Oooo Ops maybe if you tried checking your mail More than once a month it would have fit in your Box Etc., Etc. We re glad to finally have our say in this Issue. We d like All postal customers everywhere to re member a few Basic Points mail clerks arc not appointed because they arc pending Ucma action. Mail clerks Don t get mail every Day either and mail clerks Are neither computers psychics bartenders bionic types interpreters of hieroglyphics nor delivery boys. Sol. David r. James spec. Glenn p. Collins fut a West Germany european edition col Jeffrey m. Cook. Usa commander editor in chief it col Suzanne l. Phillips. Usan Deputy commander editor in chief Marie Kominicki Best Proctor Dane b. Moe Mott production manager managing editor circulation manager this newspaper is an authorized unofficial pub Cattan for members of the unwary services overseas. Contents of the stars and stripes Are not necessarily the official views of. Or endorsed by me . Government the department of defense or the . European command. The appearance of advertising in this publication including inserts or Suo Lemenu. Does not constitute endorsement by the department of de Lens Etoi the sums and Snipes of the products or hamlets advertised. 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