European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 15, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The atomic age schoolkids nuclear attack by diving a Chang into tightly tucked Ivas called. A the most popular Way to of nuclear annihilation was in the Wall with 10 Steps a the last one being. Of Phemis for hindquarters i close Well the cold Asping for breath and miss ability of Ait evenly with extended stress scale. This glasnost stuff i. Contemplated armageddon of night there Are still a leads out there for me to a completely. St my government has t Nania just yet either. Uncle a practical advice for a Home study course Jency management s planning for a nuclear a citizen s guide to civil or the course promised a no lotion just the Homey or needs. Who  i a it might come in Handy dial Ely. It took a week join by . Postal service Uge window of particularly when you int agon where the Centera ground zero.". Open fast in the nuclear. I from Fema and dug  is the text with Basic my the study guide Erial Many of them ".? that make your head Hurt -. Answers. " in Jawed bureaucratic style vacations Are written the auction says if you Are i developing crisis you ? i3 plans. If a crisis is ,-r,-5/e As much time. Study the " a High Speed cram for lest at one time or another but this is ridiculous. When the ss-18s Are coming Down like hailstones the last thing i la be doing is flipping through this Book looking for applicable chapter themes. That set the tone As i skimmed the text to get a feel for what was in store. I found it lavishly illustrated with drawings of mushroom Clouds fireballs and other Standard nuclear symbols. There also Are Many appearances by or. Silhouette the Well known International figure who is the essence of the walk Don t walk concept for pedestrians around the world. Chapter one risk analysis the effect of nuclear weapons kicked off on a grim note with the four horsemen of the nuclear apocalypse fireball radiation blast and fallout and a discussion of the depressingly Large variety of ways that warheads can be delivered and detonated the text then blends into a fascinating and. To my mind very neglected aspect of civil defense the attack warning which would sound for up to five minutes if missiles Are incoming. The attack warning could take several forms sirens horns factory whistles even Church Bells. Makes you wonder if the pastor Down at first Baptist knows that someone might burst in one Day and Start crazily ringing his Bells. And How will anyone know that the Bells Are announcing the imminent beginning of the apocalypse and not simply say. Morning prayer services the next Section had a lot of High Lech information on the effects of different kinds of radiation. No reassurance Here Alpha and Beta rays Are much less harmful than Gamma rays but Gamma rays will be the most common Type emitted by nukes. And As we All know Gamma rays from a bomb burst turned Bruce Banner into the incredible Hulk bringing to mind the intriguing possibility that All survivors will look like Lou Fern no. At least we won t need health clubs in the Post nuclear age. Chapters 2 and 3 Deal with civil defense and emergency planning and they make it Clear that our government still has a few doubts about glasnost by showcasing the soviets As our most Likely attackers. Once that introduction is made the course is not shy about repeatedly pointing the Finger at Ivan. There s even a drawing of Little rus skies heading for bomb shelters under what looks to be the Kremlin. The course then moves into evacuation procedures irom High risk areas and offers this cheering news fully two thirds of the american people live in High risk areas. You can t even go for a quart of milk anymore without getting stuck in a traffic Jam so we can Only shudder to think what it will be like when two thirds of the country takes to the highways to invade the other one third. You re advised to pay attention to the Media for information during a crisis which is almost As scary a Prospect As nuclear War itself. Just thinking about a Geraldo special on satanism and the bomb is enough to give you a major Case of the willies. Then again those Standard National enquirer pieces about women having three headed mutant babies probably would be accurate for the first time. Chapters 4 and 5 go into mind numbing detail about building fallout shelters and preparing in live in them. All i can say is it in t going to to any kind of picnic. Aside from being cooped up in a cramped space for two weeks with nothing but Granola bars and canned fruits and nuts to eat there Are lots of other things to consider. For example what do you do with your pets Well the course advises against taking them into the shelters where they will voraciously consume much needed food and water. But who among us is going to be Able to shout go away go  when we hear that feeble scratching at the cellar door then there s the problem of us waste management. The course advises using plastic lined garbage cans and when radiation Levels die Down after about two weeks burying the plastic bags outside under about one to two feet of dirt. Yeah so your dog or cat can get some exercise digging them up. After chewing on All this food for thought i moved on to the study guide to review everything i Learned before Hilling the final exam which consists of 50 multiple Choice questions. To pass the course you need to get 75 percent of the questions right. Surprisingly even though you can refer to the text Lor answers my kind of lest. I Lound some of the questions pretty Lough. To compensate the course planners throw in some comic Relief now and then. For example one of the answer choices to a question about the Best Way to extend the life of batteries is hold them under your armpit for several  i dutifully mailed of my answer Sheet and less than a week later what is the significance of the fact that Fema seems to be the most efficient government Agency in existence my diploma arrived heavy Stock paper not sheepskin. This certificate is to acknowledge that Charles m. Vonch has reaffirmed a dedication to serve in times of crisis through completion of the Home study course preparedness planning for a nuclear  that certificate now hangs on my Wall next to the award i got for finishing 48th in an Amateur bobsled Competition at Konig see West Germany a few years ago. So now i m officially ready for the big one. But musing about this later i had to wonder whether it was Worth it considering that in the Post nuclear age there will be no mtg no 7-11s, no professional sports no wine coolers none of the amenities that americans have come to think of As inalienable rights. Do we want to live in a world like that maybe when All is said and done the Best thing to do really would be to Bend Over and kiss our euphemism for he Quarter goodbye. Mil Burns radiation sickness fractures gust 15, 1989 the stars and stripes Page 15