European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 11, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 10 the stars and stripes monday september 11,1989 writers offer responses to recent letter dear Simon your letter to complainers will invoke Many unfavourable responses. Not because you did t have some very Good Points. It was the Way you presented your views. When a person complains it is to bring about change hopefully for the better. When you want a person to consider the merits of your opinion you must address that person As an equal. You Only anger people when As you have done you i. Give them a negative title such As dependent Force 2 say things like could All you complainers have marked the wrong Box implying that they arc stupid 3. Talk Down to people 4. Are sarcastic 5. Arc condescending 6. Have the attitude that your opinion is the Only valid one 7. Berate every Man woman or child who has exercised their right to accompany their loved one to Europe 8. Come across As completely anti family 9. Belittle people for having children in the firs place and then again for taking their children shop. ,. ,10. Imply that All complainers arc in poor physical shape. You make a very valid Point about children not being properly cared for but this Point was waste because of your Superior attitude. The real shame is that your letter achieved nothing for the better. Maria Dixon Bamberg Germany i was very offended by your letter in which you unfairly and unjustifiably attack every wife who chooses to accompany her husband overseas. First of All i am not a complainer. Please do not Label every dependent As you Call us As one. I am actively involved in my Community to help change those things that can and should be changed and to help others understand Why some things have to be As they Are. I am the mayor of our housing area. I see and live with these so called complainers every Day and let me Tell you not All of them Are dependents. The Point of the matter is some complaints need to be heard and addressed to improve our Quality of life. Finally instead of attacking and degrading others let s inform them. Not everyone is a com plainer. There Are those out there working each and every Day to help the Community Deal with the stress of living in a different culture parenthood financial woes and the sort. Next time you see or hear of some one complaining Don t complain about it yourself give helping hand and Point them in the right direction. Ginni Michuck a Olnhausen West Germany. When 1 decided to marry my husband i knew what i was letting myself in for. I knew All about the Long hours the shift work the weekend duty the alerts the toys and the remotes. I knew i was going to live next door to mom and run Over for Coffee every morning. I knew i d probably be at least 40 be fore i could use the same pair of curtains for More than a year and a half or to paint my living room the color i chose instead of military regulation off while. I also knew that most of the time in a military marriage Compromise would mean that i d have to be the one to give in because i d have a Choice and my husband would t. Knowing All that i chose to marry him any Way. To Date my husband and 1 have spent our entire married lives overseas. We be done it , and it s been an experience i would t have missed for the world. But still there Are those Days. Days when Hub by s gone toy for the 58th consecutive time and the car Breaks Down the toaster blows up the kids come Down with Beri Beri and the cat gets run Over by a lorry in the front drive. Days when life is not Beautiful All Day Long tra la tra la. On those Days i confess i have been know to complain. And Gripe. And moan and curse. I be even kicked the trash can a few times. Docs this mean i m a bad person no just human. As for children yes i have a child even though i Don t live on base amazing huh. He s the Joy of my existence. I worship the ground he trips Over. There arc Days when 1 would cheerfully hang him up by his Little bitty thumbs from the clothesline in the Back Yard. Yes sometimes i need to get away from him. Some times i need to talk about nuclear proliferation world peace and the soviet threat instead of or. Seuss Choo Choo trains and going poop in the potty like a big boy. And on those Days i try to find a Sitter. No Luck so far finding a teen Ager. I know there Are some around Here because we have a High school on base but i Don t know anybody who actually owns one. So mostly i depend on the child care Center and sometimes i complain because i can t always get him in when want to. Even though i know they have 1,000 children to fill 120 slots. Still i complain. Am i a bad Mother no just human. And yes it is expensive Here. The customs and traditions of the country arc strange to me. I get fed up with trying to find Little boys clothing in an Exchange system that does t seem to recognize that Little boys exist. And yes. I miss k. Mart and Taco Bell and mom and dad and baseball and Apple pie and driving on the other Side of the Road. 1 think if you were honest with yourself. You d admit that some Days you miss All those things Loo. But those Days Are few and far Between and so arc my complaints about them because you see i do realize How Lucky i am. My husband son and i arc making a Good life to Gether under circumstances which whether you choose to admit it or not Simon arc sometimes very difficult and we re doing it with love with humor and Pride and not a Little style. I Don t think we re All that unusual. Most of the families i know feel and act about the same Way. Al Burcke Raf Woodbridge England. Let me first address his argument of Simon reminds us that we had the Choice whether or not to be Here with our sponsor yes indeed we did have a Choice and we decided upon it for As Many reasons As there Are dependents within this com Mand but does that Choice Force us to be silent and Servile no matter what the circumstances. Secondly for Simon to suggest that the . Government does t even want us Here and would rather we d have stayed in the states is ludicrous fiscally and otherwise. Surely the Money saved solely from the obliteration of damage claims from the shipment of household goods would be enough to justify my argument. But without considering anything else the simple fact is that Uncle Sam docs want us Here or he could have just said no As in the Case of Many cur rent . Military Tours worldwide. As Simon must Sec us we arc All obese shopaholic Seething and leeching twin Kic gluttons who have nothing More to do All Day but scream at our children and make everyone surely including our husbands miserable. This is too simple and too prevalent a philosophy espousing Only two groups of people those who have achieved perfection and those who fall miserably and disgustingly Short. I would Tike to suggest something else a Radical idea that we re All in this together with a perfect right to be Here just like an extended family. But. Like in All families some of swill need More help time and understanding to adapt than others and others May never adapt but not necessarily for Lack of trying. Sarah Poff Mannheim West Germany not All letters to the editor Are complaints nor Are All complaints made by family members. I say family member because i abhor the name dependent. After All i m my husband s wife not his daughter further More Simon you should realize that nothing Ever changes unless someone makes the problem known. You went Way too far by suggesting that spouses need to get in shape. I m careful to cat right take my multivitamins and participate in aerobics at least three times a week. I m probably in much better shape than you arc. I was in the army so i know the physical training it in t always As Lough As you d have us civilians believe. Granted some family members May not be in the greatest shape but neither arc some gis. If they were file army would t need a weight control program. By the Way you were complaining in your letter. Shame on you. Pct la c. A Cizler Baum older West Germany. Simon said in t cheap Over Here is it no but i guess if our sponsor would have bothered to answer our letters we would have been More informed. Simon said get into a fitness program with my husband. Get real Simon. If we have the Chance to cat dinner with our husbands it is a major accomplishment. You miss the Point Simon. That is what this Section of the paper is for. It serves As an outlet you got your complaints off your Chest and you feel better right everyone who comes Over Here goes through a period of adjustment. Complaining is a part of it. It s culture Shock. Your suggestions Are valid but that docs not give you the right to criticize the Way people raise their children the size of their family or their Choice of whether or not they come Over Here. Lend an ear Simon. Be supportive and let someone know it s of. 10get frustrated and complain but they will get through it with the help of a Friend. Theresa a. Wilds pit masons West Germany. As for the daily trips some of us arc one car families so our trips for groceries at the commissary Marks at the Community Dank Stamps at the Post of fice and essential household items at the Exchange arc not daily ones designed to kill boredom. The most obnoxious comment by Simon was docs living in base housing cause a woman to become preg Nant if this was the Case some of the dependent Force unable to have children would beg to go Back on the housing list. Lisa g. Hanne vol suck West Germany i suppose i can be classified As a chronic com plainer. But i was one Long before our move to Ger Many. Dependent says sure it in l i definitely do not expect my husband to be at my side24 hours a Day. The services Are much needed and i would t want it any other Way. But i do expect my husband to spend some time with his family. That s right my husband married me not the army. He also has the responsibility of being a Parent. And in orderly have Quality time together you must have some Quantity time. Dependent says Surprise i think cafes does a much better Job than you give them credit and if we Don t support them who will. Dependent says you should realize that the average Mother gets a great Deal of exercise watch ing her children. It takes More Energy to Walch and successfully Lake care of children than most of you have. I do agree that keeping fit helps to keep one s self esteem higher. But that does t mean it changes your Outlook on the armed forces. Dependent says put yourself in our shoes sure getting out does help temporarily. But it does t make the problems go away. If the armed services would actually listen More to the suggestions and complaints of the dependents then we would have nothing to complain about. Dependent finally says who else dependent would put up with what we do Day in and Day out and still be Here for our husbands Day in and Day out name withheld Ascham Lynburg Wesl Germany. I thank the lord each and every Day thai i was born in America and at the same time i thank him for this Opportunity to Sec Europe. Right again Simon i m guilty of wanting to see Europe and All the wonder Ful sights. This tour is As much a Blessing for our children As it is for us. I have to admit we could never afford to spend two years in Europe without the air Force pay ing for it. I feel Pur children will learn More about different cultures in these two years than they could i their 12 years of schooling from books in the states and they re typical kids they Aren t perfect Little sol Diers. Name withheld Comiso Sicily i am a capable human being who can Lake care of three kids fix leaking faucets do 15 loads of laundry a week do minor car repairs and everything else needed to keep a family together while still working outside the Home eight hours a Day and All this while my husband is in the Field for a month. I am not dependent upon my husband. You re right living in Europe in t cheap. Living most places on a military salary is hard. But if i want to Sec the sights in Europe i Don t depend on my spouse i can do that myself. I Don t make daily trips to the commissary Exchange or Bank Why would anyone want to fight the lines and crowds at these places unless they really had to. You re right there Are no k marts Over Here. I knew that and i do shop on the Economy when i can. But the hours at the Exchange arc so much More convenient that it is easier to shop there. Cafes has a hard Job and for the most part docs it Well but if i have a complaint about cafes i Don t write the stars and stripes i Tell the manager. The results Are much Fasler. ,.living in housing does t cause pregnancy did t you get a film explaining that in Junior High. This is our third tour Over Here the second was in Stuttgart so 1 know All about that place and you Are right the complaints Are still the same and the people Are different. It s those new people who have the same old complaints the experienced ones have Learned to live with inc problems. Rebecca Ponce Sembach West Germany
