European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 04, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse Instead of making Small talk on the tint Date Rich Gosse advises get personal during the conversation. Looking for love by Joan Rigdon Santa Barbara Calif news press Ich Gosse figures there Are billions of people on the planet and that if you have the proper tools at least a few million of them could make you Happy for the rest of your life. A Radical thought perhaps but consider Gosse s profession now he is chairman of american singles a National singles organization. Gosse rolled into Santa Barbara recently in an old motor Home. This was the second Stop on a 33-Day Lour of Southern California. He will visit 33 colleges during the trip. Tall slim dark haired and clean Cut Gosse could be taken Lor an encyclopedia Salesman just As easily As a singles s when he talks that his audience begins to realize the insights he has gained in his profession. Most striking is the fact thai he does talk. A lot. On the first Date for instance. I like to gel personal on the first Date Gosse said. I m not there to get a couple of drinks and spend my time talking about the weather he said. Sometimes women Are put off by his getting personal. He gels those responses because of the Way he gets personal. He does t Start with the nebulous Tell me something about that would be like dipping a toe into the Pacific Ocean instead of taking the plunge. I say i want to know everything. Their history All their past relationships their likes and dislikes Gosse said. I be had woman say what Are you a District attorney " Gosse has another Radical theory people can be happily single As Well As happily married and that they have to be happily single if they Ever want to be happily talked about these ideas before his lecture began and a woman Silling nearby muttered now you Tell she then explained that she had been unhappily married for to years. To be fair to the singles who want to stay single and the singles who Are looking for what Gosse Calls the big a commitment Gosse s lectures cover both sides of the one lecture he spoke on looking for love in All the right the following night the topic was How to be happily you could say As columnist Herb Caen once did that Gosse cancels himself out. Entered into the evidence Are two of Gosse s books How to find a lasting relationship and the divorce Book. Gosse has his speeches Down to a science. He smiles when he talks and he has statistics on the tip of his Tongue. About the Success of Romance As related to How the partners met 20 percent of marriages began in bars he says 33 percent met through friends. And hell Dolly Parton met her husband at a laundromat. And she s still finally Gosse has guidelines for singles seeking a mate. Given two hours to Leach a seminar Gosse has six rules. Given three hours he throws in four More. The Complete list is As follows 1. Have realistic expectations. 2. Take advantage of your friends. 3. Exploit your Job. 4. Hang around strangers alone. 5. Get out of the House. 6. Eliminate the Competition by seeking out members of the opposite or desired sex on their own turf. 7. Initiate Contact. 8. Get involved in As Many superficial conversations As possible because All intimate conversations begin As superficial ones. 9. Agree on a time and place to meet your Date again instead of just trading Telephone numbers. 10. And last but not least Don t fall in love with the wrong person. The would could should syndrome . Hostetler. Associated press hey re people haunted by regret Over i choices in Lite. If Only.," they say. But it s Loo late they re he people who Are always / thinking about the past said psychologist Arthur Freeman. Such Ruminator mired in their pasts believe their lives have been irrevocably altered by choices they d like to change. I what they think of is How things were. They Don t see the hip Side of How things Are said Freeman a professor at the University of Medicine and dentistry of new Jersey and i to University of Pennsylvania. They can be recognized As soon As they Start talking about their problems he said. They say i look at the. Past and see More failure than Success i would like to change my Job but it s too late i should have become an artist or i could be Happy if Only i were Freeman encourages his patients at Penn s Center for cognitive therapy to rethink such comments. If Only i had t Given up my career to have children becomes i have three wonderful Loving in a new Book would could should Silver Arrow books $17.95freeman and Rose Dewolf of the Philadelphia daily news explore second guessing outline a course of action and using specific situations describe How readers can either fall Back into the habit or break it. Insight in and of itself is not sufficient to change Freeman said. I m More interested in what keeps you doing the same stuff and How you can change. Change is the name of the game. Not just silting Here talking about change but actively working on the first step is acknowledging a problem and wanting change. Ruminator should examine their assumptions such As having an unlimited skill i d be Happy if i were a successful surgeon or being Able to know the future we d be Rich if i had sold the Stock at a higher price.". The next step is to write Down the advantages or disadvantages As a Way to evaluate the change and the person s willingness to risk it Freeman encourages his patients to Challenge their thinking and conclusions by examining the assumptions inherent in their statements. Once the assumptions Are understood he said Ruminator should decide a course of action. His former dentist in the midst of a successful practice and teaching position at Penn decided to become an Engineer. After several years of night school while continuing to work he graduated and reached his goal an example Freeman cites of goals that Are not unattainable but have to be accomplished step by step. Making a change is difficult Freeman said. The would could should person thinks of the endpoint but refuses to get involved in the it s always a Shock to learn that you and your child do not speak the same language. Their words May be in English but what they really mean is Best left in the hands of a translator. Let s say the kid is in the bathroom and the door is locked. There is water running and the dog is trying to turn the Knob. You ask the child what Are you doing in there and he replies to you nothing Means inactivity. It actually translates As Call the through the years i have been Able to assemble a list of phrases and their real meaning my teacher has never liked expect a phone Call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching hot dogs by compressing them in a Small thermos and then removing the lid quickly. In a this is not your Basic 60 seconds. Most marriages Don t last this Long. You Don t understand your daughter is dating a barn Burner 15 years older than she is who drives a pickup truck with an i love pit bulls bumper sticker. Everybody else s Mother said yes unless this poll was taken for permission to attend an orphan s picnic forget it. The kid is lying. Ill do the dishes when i gel off the this is an Oldie but a Goodie it was used originally by miss Habisham in great you remember the scene the one where the cake has turned to Stone and rats have taken Over. May i borrow your fill in the Blank the key word Here is to an adult it Means a loan of something you expect to see again. To a child it Means a Transfer of ownership. The next time you want it Back you must ask permission to borrow it. A couple in Bellevue wash., recently came face to face with child speak. They left their Home to vacation for a few weeks and when they returned their son dutifully reported he had a Nice gathering of a few friends to celebrate his 18th birthday. Translation 75 kids were counted just before the younger brother panicked and called 911, bringing four police cruisers to the door. A Keg was found in the closet next to the Blanket storage bags a Hole in the Wall was discovered where some of the Guys had been Messing around and a huge pot of apples and cinnamon Slicks was brewing on the stove in an attempt to disguise the stench. The punishment according to the kid was cruel inhumane and in the parents vernacular they took away his car keys for a week. C 1999 Erna to Memck Page 16 the stars and stripes wednesday october 4,1989
