European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 17, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Caring men by Ted Duncombe associated press Dith is r1coff of Philadelphia once loved to dance and to travel but now cannot even Brush her Teeth on her own. Her husband Bernard cleans House Cooks does laundry bathes his wife and helps her use a commode in a Corner of the living room where a Hospital bed contrasts with colourful peruvian weaving from a vacation a dozen years ago. Stricoff 65, said he cares for his 64-year-old wife up to 20 hours a Day on Call even through the night when a groan from downstairs will Rouse him to see if she s cold or her Arm is stuck under her body. For four hours a Day he has hired help. People sometimes suggest a nursing Home. They say Edith Stricoff former bookkeeper and Mother of three is a Burden at her advanced stage of alzheimer a disease. But Stricoff hums old songs the couple once danced to and sometimes thinks she murmurs his name As he hugs her in the morning. Quot you Don t throw an injured child out of the House because the child is injured Quot he said. Quot Why should i do that to my wife Quot a growing number of men Are caring for aging and infirm wives parents and other relatives according to a study by Lenard w Kaye and Jeffrey s. Applegate professors at the graduate school of social work and social research at Bryn mawr College in suburban Philadelphia. A a men a roles As caregivers have traditionally been minimized if not virtually dismissed by the professional and Lay Public alike Quot they write in their study. Although women comprise two thirds to three fourths of an estimated 7 million caregivers nationwide in the United states a significant number of men Quot have been willing to commit a substantial portion of their lives both in time and Effort to this challenging task Quot the researchers said. More men Are doing so largely because women Are stretched to the limit by careers other family demands and the rising number of elderly the researchers say. Other factors include men s changing attitudes toward family and cuts in governmental Aid for elder care they say. Kaye said in an interview the study was intended to address the special needs of male caregivers. Quot in no Way Are we trying to cancel out the dominant role a no question it s a dominant role a played by women Quot he said. Quot we just believe that they cannot keep up at this rate. We need to be Able to turn and be willing to consider alternative routes to take when we talk about family  the study is based on surveys of 152 leaders of caregiver support groups and 148 male participants in such groups across the nation. The research supported by a Grant from the Andrus foundation of the american association of retired persons also included in depth interviews with 30 male caregivers and nine elderly recipients in the Philadelphia Region and surveys of a 26-member National expert panel. Seven of eight men in the study considered themselves primary caregivers and More than a third were sole care providers. Only 20 percent said they were helped by More than two relatives. Four of five cared for people with alzheimer a the progressive brain disorder that causes premature senility. Bernard Stricoff of Philadelphia with his wife Edith who has alzheimer a disease is one of a growing number of american men who Are caring for aging and infirm relatives. A the men often continued to work while providing care and resisted joining support groups preferring to Quot go it alone Quot or fearing participation would be an admission of failure. In general the men Felt most competent at such tasks As paying Bills taking people to doctors and helping with telephoning and letter writing. They Felt least competent at helping with grooming bathing and dressing. The study is limited by its size and by the fact that caregivers surveyed were primarily White married men Over age 60, living with and caring for wives and relatively secure financially. Minority and Low income men tend less than White Middle class men to join the support groups from which the Sample was drawn Kaye said. Eloise Rathbone Mccuan professor of social welfare at the University of Kansas said she had not seen any evidence of an increasing number of men providing elder care. But she agreed that Quot the demographics of women and aging will Force men to be confronted with Many new roles Quot especially caregiving. Robyn Stone a research fellow at the . Department of health and human services Agency for health care policy and research said the study could help draw More attention to caregiving in general which has often been viewed As a women a Issue. Quot from a political perspective since its still primarily a Man s world there May be More of a serious focus on this problem Quot she said. Kaye and Applegate said their results indicate support groups should reach out More to men who otherwise May end up enduring too much of the Burden and allowing their own health to deteriorate. Advertisements for support groups should include More men and emphasize such practical topics As Legal issues finding Home health care stages of alzheimer a disease and information on government benefits they said. Quot men Are probably going to hesitate getting involved in a group if you play up too strongly the emotional payoff the benefits of sharing experiences Quot Kaye said. Stricoff who prided himself on being Able to work things out himself As his wife grew More ill resisted joining a support group sponsored by the alzheimer s disease and related disorders association at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital. Quot i said Why do i have to go to a group for sit there and listen to them. What Are they going to Tell me in a living with the Damn thing. I know what it is a Quot Stricoff said. But his children and other relatives kept after him. Quot and i went and surprisingly enough it was fulfilling Quot he said. Now he tries not to miss monthly meetings because of the tips he picks up on ways to help his wife and the moral support. Quot its not that misery likes company Quot he said. Quot that s just not the Story. It makes you talk about things that you done to usually talk  Stricoff said he provides most of his wife s care and does most of the household tasks by himself although the couples children who Are grown and live in the Philadelphia suburbs and Florida Call regularly and help on weekends. A woman employed by a Home health care firm also comes in four hours a Day to give Stricoff a break and allow him to maintain his accounts As a hosiery Salesman for a Dallas company. Some friends also have stayed close. The support makes it easier to Bear his wife s helplessness. He must stroke her Cheeks to get her to Chew and cleans her daily with a Washcloth from head to toe. But when people ask him Why he does no to complain he asks what there is to complain about. Quot you be got to remember How my wife would have reacted had i been in that situation Quot he said. Quot i honestly feel she would probably do As much As she physically can for me which is what in a doing for my wife. I do it because of my love for  at about 7 of clock every Friday night my world As i know it Falls apart. My perfectly healthy Teeth Start to Hurt because they know my dentists office closes at 6. They will not Stop thumping until Early monday morning at which time they will become perfectly healthy again. The to Cable will go out. Count on it. Repeated phone Calls will put me in touch with a recording giving me weekday office hours. By monday it wont matter. I wont have time to watch it anyway. Someone in the House will come Down with a mysterious malady that i have come to Call Friday night fever. Its not High enough for the emergency room but not Normal enough to ignore. Its Only enough to make you crazy that if you done to act you May need an attorney. With All the weekend services available to people its incredible How some things sense when you can be brought to your Knees. If i run out of Blank checks it will be on the weekend. If our dog gets lost it is always Between Friday night and sunday when Quot help Quot Falls on deaf ears. Keys break off in doors Only on weekends. And i have never had a prescription that needed a doctor s of expire on any other Day except saturday and sunday. At first glance you might think cars Are just inanimate hunks of Metal that Are incapable of thinking. Get real. Most of them figure you re going to run their wheels off on the weekend so they just refuse to go. If it is Winter the electric windows will go Down and freeze there. They know you have to go the distance to find a Mechanic on duty on the weekend. Probably the worst part about weekends is the House. It Dies. Toilets overflow washers lock dishwashers overheat dryers Don t and water Heaters wont the septic tank smells the sliding Glass door won t lock water pressure is reduced to a trickle and something crawls into the Woodwork and expires. I try to rejoice with the taif crowd that crosses off monday through thursday on their calendars As if they Are serving time but the truth is i live in dread of those two Days when All the things i depend on Are no longer there for me. The ones who gather in a bar named for their favorite Day of the week anticipate a glorious two Days away fro their desks. I have to be realistic and realize that synagogues Are open on saturday and churches on sundays. Given my weekends there s a reason this. C 1990 Erma Bombeck Page 16 a a a the stars and stripes saturday March 17,1990