European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 17, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Saturday March 17, 1990 the stars and stripes a a a Page 23commentar so eggs we it us to see if baseball a out Wake up for soccer its that an super sports time of year again. March madness we have the real seasons starting in the Aba nil Mcaa and Mill. That last one is the major indoor Lacrosse league. And of yeah a its time for baseball. Spring training. Break out some peanuts and smoke some crack. The players done to care if they Ever come Back. Hey Harry this baseball season is going going almost gone. Outta Here. Kiss it goodbye. Its heading farther North than Sheffield Avenue maybe North for next Winter. It May Fly As far As Oshkosh by gosh. Say it ainu to so Joe. No raw rookies. No Lasorda Heguine. No Boggs babes. I want the crack of the Bat smack of the leather spa of the Chew sting of the paternity suit. I want to Wade All Over Box scores a and trashy tabloids. What if the owners lock Mem out All the Way through june the Aba playoffs will be Down Only to the Saccharine Sweet 16, and the nil will be barely to the quasi quarterfinals by then. The College student ath ictus will be in summer school or is it summer leagues i get them confused. What will Jock q. Public do for to entertainment australian rules football done to laugh. How about real football the kind the rest of the world quote enjoys unquote. This is the time for soccer to finally make its Dent into the . Television Market. No excuses now. The . Soccer federation can to rms in Anc an injury like players on the Neld if Boob tube ratings fail to draw a whistle this ume. This is the big one the world cup and the United states is in it ok., cover your Yawn. And done to laugh i Iner. What else do we have the pro bowlers tour is either that or Golf. It will have to be soc a us football. There a nothing else. So let me explain some things about soc a us Mere i go again a football to you. It you re watching the game in a German Gast in lev run tiers yell Alf meter Alf meter we Zzz amp Len with Coin slots for eyes. A started watching the game i did no to know no this Alf meter was. Every time the reunify Erstis Boivin would yell his name some Guy would come out and kick the Ball past the goalkeeper while All the other players stood and watched. That Alf meter i had to admit was one bundle of excitement. About As exciting As an extra Point in that other football or watching lint form into those Blue Little balls in my Bellybutton. Imagine my Surprise when it was explained that there was no Alf meter. Its Elf meter a 11 meters. A penalty kick. Of. Back to the Boob tube rules of the game. When a player Falls Down and starts grabbing his leg done to wait for him to get up. This is the soc us football equivalent of a to timeout. Since the game never stops a and i mean never Ever a this is when you run to the John or Mary. By the time you get Back the Guy will be running up and Down the Field like Ben Johnson on steroids. There Are no fights on the Field at least. Hockey fans will probably tune out for that alone. Players get a yellow card for a Mere tackle. They done to even have to Spear the Guy to get it. They draw a red card for a second take Down whether it was a late hit or not. This Isnit exactly the huckster going Mano a Mano with the Macho Man. There Are hooligans. These bums tear up towns get arrested All the time professing love for their team. No these Guys Arentt on scholarship. They re just fans. Can you believe it speaking of hooligans there Are no Oklahoma is. Loyola Mary mount scoreboard blasting games in the world cup. Scores reaching into the single digits Are known to occur but that a usually when that Pesky Alf a or whatever his name is a gets a Freebie. Basketball boosters will probably switch to Bowling. The object is not to win. It is not to lose. It is not As far As i can discern to do anything. The Ball i owners have new offer new York apr baseball owners were to make a new proposal to players Friday and management s chief negotiator said he believed it would result in an agreement with the Union. Chuck o Connor said the sides would meet Friday for the first time in nine Days although Union chief Donald Fehr questioned whether there would be a session. Fehr said he did not know what the plan is and called o Connor s announcement a silly and  management s lockout entered its 30th Day Friday when the american and National leagues said they would announce what they will do with opening Day still scheduled for april 2. According to some owners would propose a $100,000 minimum and a $54 million annual pension contribution plus 25-Man rosters. Kicked around like fans tap a balloon up the stands. Ties Are preferred More than blondes. Extra innings do not exist. Adios Fernando a Forknall fans who Are probably going to lunge at Lacrosse. The big excitement is when one team lines up to try to Block a free kick. They All cover up like they Are afraid of becoming first chair Alto sopranos in the Vienna boys choir if the Ball actually hits them. It never does. If it did maybe hockey fans would tune in after All. So there you have it. A lame Man s explanation of soc a us football. Sock it to me. 1 sure Hope president Bush Calls his son who owns the Texas rangers into the Oval office and makes him sit in the Corner or Rake the Rose Garden until the other baseball owners get the season going. But if that Good Field no hit president can to make the cutout on this lockout Tunc in to the world cup in june. Be patriotic. The . Needs your support. The team could t even get a tie in its last exhibition. The Star and strips