European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 22, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse Column when it comes to weddings americans still no. 1 by Dave o 1qh�w i Barry w Knight Ridder newspapers f i a f a i we re getting into wedding season again and that s a Good thing for America. We May be falling behind Japan in other areas such As being Able to produce automobiles or color television sets or High school graduates who Are capable of Reading restroom symbols without moving their lips but America still has the world s largest and most powerful wedding Industry. If you want proof pick up the february March Issue of either Bride s or modern Bride Magazine and right away you la be struck by the fact that you have sustained a major hernia. Talk about big each of these magazines is Large enough to have its own time zone. Maybe its own climate. Modern Bride is More than 800 pages thick Bride s is 1,000. Almost every Page of these magazines features a full color photograph of a Radiant Young Bride in White her face beaming with that look of ecstatic happiness that comes Only from knowing deep in her heart that her wedding Cost As much As a stealth bomber not including gratuities. Quot Money can t buy you happiness so you might As Well give your Money to us Quot that is the sentimental motto of the wedding Industry. The pages of Bride s and modern Bride Are crammed with advertisements for silverware glassware Crystal Ware chinaware ovenware Fondue Are Tupperware underwear and All the other absolutely mandatory wedding wares that will become treasured lifetime family heirlooms until they have to be sold to pay the divorce lawyers. Hey let s face it a lot of marriages today just Don t work out. Many newlyweds Are hurling Crystal Ware within Days. Even Donald and Ivana Trump a couple who seemed to have everything a hair Teeth most of Manhattan Island a Are having marital problems so tragic that even the most hardened observer is forced to laugh until his Gums bleed. This is Why More and More smart engaged couples Are avoiding costly future court disputes by Means of a Legal arrangement called a Quot prenuptial divorce Quot under which they agree to get married and divorced simultaneously. This eliminates those common problems Down the Road and yet enables the patriotic couple to go ahead and have the kind of enormous Ware intensive wedding that America needs to remain competitive in the world Economy. Weddings also enable us to continue certain cherished cultural traditions such As the tradition of the Bride s family and the Groom s family hating each other so much that sometimes at the reception the two opposing mothers wind up wrestling in the cake. Of course you can avoid this kind of inter family tension by Means of a new matrimonial wrinkle the one family wedding which was invented by a woman i know named Ginny. Ginny was in the mood to hold a big wedding but her Only remaining non married child Edward was t engaged to anybody. So she hit upon the of holding a wedding anyway with the role of the Bride being played by Tiffany a life size Bikini wearing inflatable doll. Tiffany had spent several months floating around the family Pool smiling and everybody thought she was very Nice despite a minor algae problem. Of course there was always the danger that she d turn out to have a Bunch of obnoxious inflatable relatives but As far As anybody knew she was an orphan. So we were All very excited about the wedding when suddenly Edward a you know these Headstrong kids a got engaged to Carey an actual human being. Let me state for the record that Edward made a wonderful Choice but you have to feel bad for Tiffany who quickly went from the role of Beautiful Bride to be to the role of deflated wad in a closet which is a tragic waste when you consider that she is More than qualified to be vice president. But we can t be thinking about tragedies not with wedding season coming. We need to be thinking about the following quotation which i am not making up from the Quot Beauty news Quot Section of Bride s Magazine Quot dilemma my brows Are too Bushy my bridesmaids Are too sparse. How can we get them in shape by my wedding Day Quot unfortunately the solution is too Long to reprint Here so you brides to be had better pick up a copy of brides using a rental forklift and read the article Pronto. Because otherwise As you walk Down the aisle on your very special Day you re going to hear people whispering Quot what Are those things on her forehead sea urchins tarantulas Quot by the Way forklift rental is traditionally the responsibility of the attitudes of future in Laws irk feminist by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners a i am a feminist and soon will marry into a family with very traditional attitudes and a like minded social group. Recently my Fiance and i were introduced at a retirement party this Way Quot this is John Doe and the future Jane in a Flash of annoyance at the presumption that i would carry on a tradition deeply rooted in sexism i responded tersely Quot no i am the forever to remain Jane this Exchange upset my future Mother in Law who rec de her question a Quot Why Are you two getting married if she s not even going to take your name Quot 0 my Fiance out of my hearing. Fri in not wish to offend my future family and their friends when the Issue arises but it is difficult for Mel pm Zeal on the subject in Check. I realize there Are forums More appropriate to discussion than a formal banquet. Main m 8ht i gracefully Correct others who might m future i would also like them at another the new men or a a Scussa on subject Doe it font a h its not that miss manners addres Ohy Nipa wit1 your desire to be be it c inc in or future married life As you wish to the a nor i a i. As so much More sympathy for Dau Ehtor of \ 0 about to acquire a zealous debate a >0 a v s n search of proper forums to a personal decision. Will bin it Wayto people know what your name with Vonvgt a nyllma8e is to enclose at Home cards deling announcements with you and your husband s names on a line each instead of or. And mrs., and to have paper made with your name on which to write letters of thanks for wedding presents and All the rest of your correspondence. An ungraceful Way is tersely to Correct people who make a simple mistake based on years of tradition and then to tax them with sexism for following social custom. Shame on you. Dear miss manners a members of our monthly Bridge club began to discuss the proper method of cutting the card deck immediately before the cards Are dealt. After i have presented the deck to the person at my right for him or her to Cut the deck who should put the cards Back into their Normal stacked condition before i Deal them gentle Reader a the dealer. Bridge groups Are naturally founded on Trust in everybody s Devotion to fair play but it is not the custom to have the same person Cut the cards and restock the deck. Dear miss manners a at what Point does one draw the line on How Many showers to attend for the same person what is reasonable As an aunt i be been invited to three so far and i feel this is becoming a problem. I m not in the habit of giving cheap gifts so i feel More than a Little put out. I also feel pressure from the Bride s Mother a my sister a to attend All the showers. How do you feel about someone who suggests that you could Host a Shower for the Bride also what Are the rules about bridesmaids and the Matron of Honor in regard to age and relationship to the Bride gentle Reader a the etiquette of this situation is simple what is difficult is persuading those determined otherwise to accept it. Miss manners has gotten pretty disgusted hearing repeatedly How the bridal Shower a simple gathering of the Bride s Dearest friends because they feel moved to hold a lighthearted Celebration of her coming marriage with Token presents has been perverted into a series of major productions in which people Are pressured to participate. The rules Are except for the bridal party no one should be invited to More than one Shower for the same Bride. Relatives should not be involved in showers at All. And no one should be coerced into giving or attending one. Miss manners is trusting you however not to declare this indignantly to your misinformed sister the Mother of the Bride but to say gently Quot you know How Happy i am for Lucinda but really i think her Young friends ought to be allowed to have their own fun without her old aunt around. I m so much looking Forward to the dear miss manners a most sandwiches served by restaurants Are Cut in half. The exception seems to be the Sandwich that is served on a hamburger Bun. Please advise me on the proper etiquette for this situation. I maintain that it is proper to eat the Sandwich As served. My wife says it is proper to Cut the Bun in half before eating. Gentle Reader a much As miss manners would like to take sides in an Issue that will probably take otherwise happily married people to the Brink she has to admit that neither of you is wrong. One May properly eat a hamburger or anything else lurking in a hamburger Roll All the Way through with both hands but there is nothing wrong with cutting it in half. She apologizes for disappointing one if not both of you. Dear miss manners a i m dating a very Nice gentleman. Our Public behaviour is always discreet. Twice we have been asked publicly i.e., in social settings with Many other people present if we Are dating married Etc. Each time we have smiled courteously said we were dating and then changed the subject. Can you suggest a polite Way to indicate that the question is rude and inappropriate gentle Reader a the phrase you Are looking for is Quot we Are just Good since it offers less information than either of the choices with which you were so rudely presented it has the advantage of infuriating the questioner. March 22, 1990 stripes Magazine 3
