European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 15, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The stars and stripes Page 11ann Landers dear readers Over the years i have received thousands of letters from abused women. They All sound As if they were written by the same person. Small wonder. The patterns of abuse Are similar. The responses Are similar. The lies these women Tell themselves Are similar. Abused women share a paralysing fear that keeps them locked into these tragic self destructive relationships. Recently i saw a splendid health oriented brochure  out by for publications. It contains some information that i d like to share with the millions of women who Are being knocked around by their husbands and lovers. Here it is he tells you a a you re not so bad off. We have a Good life. A you Are really asking for it when you make me crazy like this. I done to get this Way with anyone else. Its your fault. A give me another Chance. Ill change. A if you leave ill find someone else. A i was drunk. I did no to know what i was doing. A if you leave ill take the children. I might even kill you. A a you re so fat or dumb or uneducated in a the Only one who would  up with  you Tell yourself he a Nice to everyone else. It must be my fault. If i can learn to do things right he wont get mad. A a he la change he Means it this time. In a going to give him another Chance. A a it a the drink or drugs that makes him behave this Way. A a in a so ugly or stupid no one else could love me. He a the Best i can do. Being alone would be  the truth is the Way he treats you is despicable. It is not Normal to be abused. He a going to keep beating on you. He does no to abuse others because it Isnit Safe. Nobody else would  up with it. Abuse is slow death. You were probably abused when you were Young so his cruelty seems Normal. It is not Normal. It is a hideous Way to live. He will never change until you make it Clear that you will no longer  up with his abuse. Separating from him May make him get professional help. He hits you because he is a Coward and a bully. If he drinks or uses drugs that a another problem. It is not the reason he beats up on you. When an abuser is faced with losing his victim he will try to hang on any Way he can. Threats and promises Are his Best weapons. Done to fall for this. A typical abuser tries to separate his victim from outside support a family friends people at work. Keeping you isolated is an effective ploy. An abuser tries to destroy the woman a self esteem and make her believe she can to live without him. Counselling at a women Scenter can help you understand this. The most Loving thing you can do is make your abuser responsible for his behaviour. Separation is the Only Way to demonstrate that you will no longer  up with it. As Long As you stay with an abuser he will continue to dish it out and this will go on until you Are a total wreck a or dead. There is help dear readers. Call the Domestic violence hotline at 1-800-333-Safe 7233. The hearing impaired can Call 1-800-873-6363. You will be  in touch with a shelter in your area. C creators Syndicate letters a perfect time for gis to prove themselves i have to disagree with the letter a Force cuts could cause  of you joined the army for the sure pay a its about time you started working for that pay  you say. I guess you could say i am tired of hearing the same old song and dance about Why someone can to get ahead in life. Done to blame the army because it does no to want to keep soldiers who refuse to live up to their contract. The army Isnit getting rid of soldiers for the slightest thing either. Many of these soldiers have been Given plenty of opportunities to make up for past mistakes but refuse to do so. If i were their employer most of them would have been fired a Long time ago. Its about time we had an army of soldiers who will do the Job and do it right. I say get rid of the slackers and the ones who have every excuse in the Book not to do their Job. Save your excuses for someone who will listen. If you want to stay in the army then Here a your Opportunity to prove yourself to your commander and yourself. Start taking on jobs that will help others in your unit. Start going to school at night and getting to work on time in the morning. Done to drink and drive. Done to be overweight. Start losing those pounds. Start passing your . Test. Show up on time for formations. Don t get into Drunken fights. Start doing what the army originally hired you to do a a your  then when the commander starts handing out the Pink slips you wont have to worry about it. Believe me i know what army life is like. Life is hard whether you Are on the streets in the army or in the civilian world. No one is going to Knock on your door and give you something for nothing. Everything has a Price in life so Stop waiting for free handouts because baby in a not going to give you a free hand to anything. 1 have worked hard All my life and probably will until 1 die but at least i can say i did no task anyone for anything. What i have i earned myself and i have my self respect. 1 realize that As in everything in life there Are certain circumstances that happen to people that Are beyond their control. At times these people do need our help. 1 am More than willing to help those people but it does not apply to everyone and you know who you Are. The person who wrote a Force cuts could cause pain might have a legitimate complaint against the armed forces and May have done his Job to the Best of his ability. If you need help and feel you have been unfairly treated there Are ways to get the problem resolved and Many Legal and helpful organizations within the system to help you solve them. Please done to include those undeserving soldiers with yourself if this is the Case. But if you Are Here for the tree ride then you had better look elsewhere. A name withheld Giessen West Germany. Please let this be a thought for this writer. Its about Black soldiers. In a a dependent sex military wife. I need not say my or my husbands race rank background or religious preferences. It does no to really matter. Neither does yours. Like you we have no other Way of life unless you mention a possible career in fast food. We have two children As Well. In a telling you All this to help you see that these cutbacks Are a part of life. If you left your past to avoid stereotypes done to become one now. The decision on who gets Cut Back should be left to your personnel files. Choosing the Best is the Only Way to strengthen our military and make it through these cuts. If you re not what your past tried to make you in a no then keep up the Good work and May god Sec you through. Your record will prove you deserve it. If you re not then Wise up and get it together As a a today a world has no room for people who want free sure things or sure pay. A Vera Peterson Raf Alconbury England i would like to  in a few words of disagreement. First of All i am a Black woman. Secondly neither of his reasons for Blacks coming in the military failure to get Good jobs failure to obtain a Good High school education Etc apply to me. I joined the military to prove to myself that i could be Independent and to break away from my parents  i did no to have a decent Job Back at Home but 1 would have kept on striving to obtain a better one if the military had not been one of my options. Look at All of the other Black men and women who did not join the forces but Are doing very Well for themselves. Now that i am in the military i will strive to a be All that i can be Quot and not ask for a special favor because of my race. In a in the . Army to serve my country not get handouts. As far As i have seen the army is not using a co lord As a basis of troop reduction. I do not want any special treatment because in a Black. I Only want recognition for my performance As a Soldier. Before asking your commander to think about your future you need to Stop and think about it yourself. Only you can make or break your future and i am one Black woman who will make my future the Best that 1 can and not let anyone stand in the Way. If you done to want to go a Aback there a then try and prove to yourself that you done to belong there and strive for much better things. If you were doing your Job then you  have to worry about the commander putting you out for the a slightest  also Blacks Are not the Only people who have had to face the drug problem getting jobs Etc. A pfc. Lora a. Mitchell Kaiserslautern West Germany pen pals i am 23 years old and enjoy watching american movies Gnu Dong and Reading. A Evelyn g. Toralba 92 Burgos Street Bacolod City. Philippines i am 22 years old. A Irene o. Edralin hse no. 525-b Street Camp Phillips Buk Dnon 8705 Mindanao. Philippines i am a 17-year-old High school student living in Madrid. Spam i speak English Spanish and a Little French. A Joyce Etienne Box 5483 Apo n y. 09283 i enjoy country and Western music and also soul. I am 28 Yoars old a Carol Atherton 30 Keynes re. Cambridge cb4 1tj England i am 18 years old. I like listening to Mellow music. A Alma Cabanero blk 8. Lot 15 Sta. Monica. Sub. Subic Zambalis Philippines i am a 49-year-old Divorcee dancing drinking and walking. A Liz Taylor 16a Tedder close East Howe Bournemouth. Dorset England bh11 8bx i am a 25-year-old Christian. A Maria Estrella Lecerva co tsp Kimball Plaza p. Acheron Boulevard Cor. Papaya its. General Santos City. Philippines my hobbies include 50s and 60s music european edition col. Gene e. Townsend Usan commander editor in chief it. Col. Suzanne l. Phillips Usan Deputy commander editor in chief Marie Kominicki Mert Proctor Deane b. Mcdermott production manager managing editor circulation manager this newspaper is an authorized unofficial publication for members of the military services overseas. Contents of the stars and stripes Are not necessarily the official views of or endorsed by the . Government the department of defense or the . European command. The appearance of advertising in this publication including inserts or supplements does not constitute endorsement by the department of defense or the stars and stripes of the products or services advertised. Everything advertised in this publication shall be made available for Purchase use or patronage without regard to race color religion sex National origin age. Marital status physical Handicap political affiliation or any other non Merit Factor of the purchaser user or Patron. Main office switchboard 06155-6010. Ets 346-5741 or 5823. For departments dial 06155-601 plus Extension or ets 348-8 plus the Extension. News ext. 237, 255, 282. 226, 326. Sports ext. 225, 269, 263,332, 321, 221. Features ext. 230, 245 or 341. Letters to editor ext. 208. Education Jimi Jones. Ext. 226. Medicine Janet d Agostino ext. 230. Business Randy Mcclain ext. 326. Advertising display ext. 247 or 309. Classified ext. 349. Telex 419-332. Tel fax 06155-601376. Mailing address Apo 09211-4211 or Postrach 11 14 37. D-6100 Darmstadt 11, West Germany. News bureaus Bremerhaven Germany Ken Clauson. Building 103. Carl Schurz Cavern Apo 09069 Telephone ets 342-8659 or civilian 0471-88782. Kaiserslautern Germany Deedee Arrington Doke. Peggy Davidson Lynda Davidson building 2899, Pulaski Barracks Apo 09227-3717 Telephone civilian 0631-52104. Munich Germany Steve Taylor building 16, c stairwell 2nd floor Mcgraw Cavern soured Apo 09407 Telephone ets 440-7320 or civilian 089-690-1800. Nornberg Germany Vince Crawley. Ellie Bathen. Building 21. William o. Darby Cavern Apo 09696 Telephone ets 460-7256 or civilian 0911-712563. Stuttgart Germany Joseph Owen. Building 4303. Room 201. Wallace Barracks. Mailing address co Vii corps Fin. Group. Of amp to Wallace Barracks. Apo 09154 Telephone ets 420-7179 or civilian 0711 -542571. Wurzburg Germany John Millar. Room 110. River building. Apo 09036 Telephone ets 350-4704 or civilian 0931-71569. Brussels Belgium David Tarrant International Pross Center. 1 Boulevard Charlemagne. Box 45, 1041 Brussels Tolop Hono civilian 00322 238-0967. Mediterranean j. King Cruger Gary Miller and Candida sans Ono. Naples. Italy Asa Box 56. Fpo 09521 Telephone Auto on 625-1110 ext. 4860 or civilian 0039-81-7624049. New York City room 401, 252 Sovo nth Avo. Now York 10001 Tolo phone 212-620-3333. United kingdom Dave Diehl. Amy Geiszler Jonos. Building 436 Cess us. Raf Mildenhall Apo 09127 Tol phone Auto on 238-2z26 or civilian 0638-512226. Washington . William Bartman Janet Howells Thorney Oast a the Pentagon. Room 2e756, . Box 46095, Washington d c 20050-6095 Telephone 202-697-6695 Tel fax 202-693-6366. Circulation offices Germany Berlin civilian 8331846, ets 332-4412 Bremerhaven civilian 0471-85168. Ets 342-8119 Rhein main a civilian 069-692050 or 692565. Ets 330-6025 or 7103, telex 412712 kaisers Laudorn. Civilian 063157070 or 57079, ets 489-7100 Munich civilian 089-6901503 or 6901504. Ets 440-6556, Tel fax 089-699-1606 Nurnberg civilian 0911-712556. Ets 460-7001 Stuttgart civilian 0711-546743, ets 420-7175 Greece Athens civilian 9923390. Italy Vicenza civilian 0444-515358, ets 634-7545. Tol fax 0444-300641. Spain Madrid. Ets 665-5807, civilian and Tol fax 00341-6561465. Turkey Istanbul civilian 664372, telex 20174 sans to. United kingdom civilian Newbury 0635-44768, Auto on 266-3209