European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 16, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Matrimony Usa i Ywe r  it a 3v> Pip a Al u. I Gay army chaplain conducts a non traditional wedding ceremony at a motor Pool in Baum hold a Many weddings that Mirror relationships continued from Page 13 personalized the traditional choices. They looked at Sites in new York City where they lived they have since moved to California but decided Early that they wanted a country wedding. After investigating catering Halls and country clubs they chose a Church ceremony and a Home party. After a 12 30 . Service at the Bedford n.y., presbyterian Church 140 invited guests made a Short drive to Quot the farm Quot the nearby country Home of Don s brother Ralph Waite an ordained presbyterian minister who is better known As the actor who played John Walton in the Waltons television series. Ralph who no longer has a congregation donned ministerial Robes to participate in his brother s marriage ceremony. Susan was attended by her two Sisters Don by another brother and his two grown sons. Before the Exchange of vows Ralph offered some personal reminiscences about the couple then invited other guests to add theirs. Don s sons and Susan s dance teacher were among those who spoke. Quot there were laughter and tears Quot recalls Susan who says some of the speakers surprised her with the depth and sincerity of their comments. After pronouncing the couple Man and wife the Rev. Paul Alcorn asked All guests to bless the marriage by responding in unison Quot i  the Waites lit a Candle of Unity As part of the service. Then the new testament scriptural Reading from first corinthians concluded the ceremony. After a Short pause for photos the wedding party reconvened at the farm for an afternoon of dining and dancing to the music of a five piece band. Since the House was not Large enough to accommodate the crowd Don and Susan rented two heated tents a one for dining one for dancing. The tents were set up against a backdrop of Rural splendor of Meadow Trees and Distant Hills. The site set the mood for food and decor. In keeping with the Waites preference for an informal party and for healthy whole foods caterers Molly Siple and Gillie Holme created a fall Harvest Buffet that included Ham roast Turkey Cornbread squashes new England baked Beans salads cheese and fruit and wedding cake. As guests assembled hours do oeuvres of smoked Salmon Corn tartlets filled with Chili smoked Trout on endive and cheese crusts were passed by waiters. Seasonal Flowers and vegetables a pumpkins squashes autumn leaves chrysanthemums a decorated each table the tents and the grounds. Two bars were set up. One was for alcoholic drinks and the other for non alcoholic drinks including a variety of sodas and hot Apple cider. Quot we went on instinct when interviewing and choosing the caterer Quot recalled Don. Music for dancing was furnished by members of a five piece band All friends of the Groom. The photographer also a Friend of the couple recorded the event. With a Beautiful natural setting a the Trees were beginning their seasonal change to Brilliant autumn reds and golds a not much decoration was needed. Instead of hiring a Florist the couple some guests and their caterer embellished the setting with 35 pots of chrysanthemums Don bought for the occasion. A Wagon Load of Wood chips was used to create a i pathway and items already on the property such As an antique tractor were embellished with dried grasses and leaves and seasonal fruit. A grape Arbor was Hung with Bunches of grapes. It was a wedding Celebration that few guests wanted to end. At Twilight guests slowly began to leave. Then the Bride exchanged her Long White dress for jeans and the Groom and his attendants changed from morning Coats and tuxedos into work clothes to clean up the site before going Home. Out of town guests were accommodated in a Block of rooms reserved for them at a nearby Holiday inn. The wedding however was not Over. On monday morning Ralph hosted a Brunch at which the couple opened their gifts. Then on tuesday members of the family who had come from almost every part of the country gathered once again at the farm. The occasion was a memorial service for a beloved relative who had died after a Long illness. Quot we were afraid it might be a Downer Quot recalled Don Quot but it was a joyous  by Barbara Mayer associated press the wedding ceremony of Susan Parsons and Donald Waite expressed their relationship with each other their families and their friends. Quot and that a a what wedding should do Quot says the Rev. Paul Alcorn co pastor of the Bedford n.y., presbyterian Church in which the couple were married. Alcorn says that most couples now want the wedding ceremony to reflect their personal histories. In this instance the grooms brother a an ordained minister a officiated in the service with Alcorn and the congregation was asked to consent verbally to the Union. Then anyone who wished to could speak about the couple a part of the ceremony known As sharing time. The wedding also was typical because one partner had been divorced says Alcorn. Quot a significant proportion of couples come from a background of  some other trends noted by Alcorn and others premarital counselling is taken much More seriously. Alcorn says couples Are Quot very interested in interpersonal dynamics Quot and ministers Are Likely to initiate discussions on How relationships succeed and fail. A More couples Are opting for a More traditional service than five to eight years ago but with contemporary no sexist language. They avoid masculine Only gender pronouns and the thees and thous. Its not just the father of the Bride giving daughters away. In 95 percent of the services both families give their Blessing Quot says the pastor. He says he found the same thing True in prior pastorate in Neenah wis., and suburban Chicago. Rabbi Daniel Syme author of the Book the jewish Home and vice president of the Union of american hebrew congregations in new York finds that jewish couples in the Reform tradition Quot Are much More interested in knowing the meaning of the ceremony and the symbols that will be part of that ceremony As opposed to passive participation in a ceremony which is not  interest in restoring traditional ceremonies but updating them to reflect a More equal role for women also is an important trend he said. In jewish ceremonies it s common for both sets of parents to join the couple under the wedding canopy or Chupa. Other ways in which tradition is returning include the use of a jewish marriage document in hebrew known As a Kotuba. However the Kotuba the word comes from the hebrew word meaning a a written has been recast to reflect the Equality of the sexes in the marriage covenant says Syme. Among a growing number of Reform jewish couples the Groom wears a Yarmulke or Skullcap Kipa in hebrew and makes similar Caps available to All men in the synagogue. Reform Judaism in the United states eliminated the requirement for the headgear Many years ago. Donning the Skullcap signifies both the re embracing of tradition and the fact that Many of those now affiliated with Reform congregations came from More traditional Homes. Quot for them the Yarmulke is an important Symbol Quot says Syme. Quot it is customary now for the couples getting married in the Catholic Faith to enter More into the planning of their wedding Quot says Bishop Patrick v. Ahern vicar of Staten Island n.y., and pastor of the Church of the blessed sacrament there. Quot in the old Days it was a fully developed ceremony which they accepted and did no to modify a according to Ahern who has been a priest for 45 years. The changes introduced by the Vatican Council 15 years ago make it easier for couples to exercise some choices. Quot couples Are delighted to have that Opportunity to participate. They get a pamphlet listing options and in most cases go Over it very carefully Quot says Ahern. Quot often they design very Beautiful ceremonies for themselves selecting the readings from scripture and using certain permissible  he says a favored biblical Reading is the Section on love in first corinthians. The Waites chose this. Many Catholic couples will opt for a Candle lighting ceremony. Each lights a taper and then together they Light a third Candle to symbolize the unifying sacrament of marriage and their Equality As Man and wife. They often turn to each other in exchanging consent vows adds Ahern. Rabbi Alex Goldman author of the novel the rabbi is a lady and 12 other books and religious Leader of Temple Beth Al a conservative synagogue in Stamford conn., reports that there has been a change in choices of ceremonial music of the wedding. Quot gone almost completely Are traditional marches like Here comes the Bride. Instead music that has come out of Israel and is drawn from the psalms or Solomon a song of songs is preferred. This gives the ceremony a More romantic and More Loving  Page 14 a a a the stars and stripes