European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 16, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse Putting off Wedlock tying the knot by Barbara Mayer associated press social scientists will Tell you that the october 1989 wedding of Susan Parsons 28, and Donald Waite 48, is a Good example of demographic trends affecting marriage in the United states. According to demographer Arlene Saluter a statistician for the . Census Bureau americans Are older at first marriage than they once were. The median age for women is 23.6 years for men 25.9. These 1988 statistics Are the latest and represent a trend. Quot Young adults Are postponing marriages until later to pursue education and careers. The High Cost of housing is also a Factor As is the acceptability of alternative arrangements such As sharing households a says Saluter. Most people a at least 90 percent a will marry eventually she adds. Statistics show that the Chance of divorce is lessened by advanced education so by waiting longer couples May have a More stable marriage. At 28 for the Bride and 48 for the Groom there is a 20-year age difference Between Bride and Groom. Though unusual this is part of a slight trend toward age differences of eight years or More Between partners according to . National Center for health statistics demographer Barbara Foley Wilson. Comparing 1976 and 1986, Wilson found that in 1976, the Groom was eight years or More older in 14% of marriages. Ten years later the number had jumped to 15%. A Bride eight years or More older than her Groom applied to three percent of the 1986 marriages up a percentage Point from 1976. That this is the second marriage for Don Waite also is a typical indicator two out of five first marriages end in divorce. A prior marriage for one or both partners has a profound effect on the expectations of both parties says Yona Cedis Mcdonough author of tying the knot a couple s guide to emotional Well being from engagement to the wedding Day published by Penguin in february. Quot there Are Many issues that come up because women Are marrying at 35 instead of 18 and have led an adult life for 10 or 15 years without a partner a says Mcdonough. Among some 50 recently married couples whom she interviewed for her Book problem areas included combining possessions lifestyles and close relationships and adult friendships they had with More americans than Ever before Are postponing marriage in order to pursue education and careers. A amps Filo individuals other than their spouse. Another important Issue is that women come to marriage committed to careers. Mcdonough whose own recent marriage was to a Man 16 years older and of a different religion says that there Are More marriages Between individuals of different religious or cultural traditions who May have vastly different sets of experiences and expectations. Quot the families have a lot More work to do to assimilate this new the differences can be either problems or opportunities. Depending on How they Are handled Quot they can Lead to a stronger marriage Between partners who bring More to a unexpressed fears about differences can Lead each partner to doubt the Wisdom of the step they Are about to take. When unvoiced the worries become a generalized anxiety which becomes attached to the wedding event itself. Quot almost everyone i interviewed experienced a great Deal of turmoil about Small details of the ceremony and reception a she says. Becoming overwrought Over such issues As where people sit or the color of the napkins is usually a cover for other emotional issues. Quot there is almost always a question of whether the couple will satisfy themselves or their since they Are older and More self assured and often paying for the wedding themselves the couple Are More Likely to make decisions in keeping with their own wishes. However How to do this tactfully without alienating the parents is often a Central Issue of the wedding. Quot my parents were divorced very acrimonious by 15 years ago and i wanted them both to attend my wedding. It took a lot of work. I had it at a friends Home rather than at my mothers so my father would feel comfortable invited my father s new wife and made sure to invite my mothers close friends too a says Mcdonough. A the attempts i made were helpful although at times my husband and i thought about simply eloping. I am glad i had the wedding i always she advises others to verbalize their fears because Quot it is More fun to plan a wedding if you Are aware of the emotional issues and try to do something about Quot in the 1950s we had a Little Box we All called marriage. The 60s threw it out and everyone said no More boxes for me a says Barbara Tober editor of Bride s Magazine. In the 1970s Many people realized marriage could be reshaped to fit their needs and in the 1980s Many became comfortable with the idea that their marriage could be different from others. Tober says that a the key to 90s attitudes will be that marriage is something you Mold a freeform sculpture a work of Art in Progress that you can do anything you want to choose the right gift for dad on his special and stripes offers you an outstanding selection of books a discounted 25% off or More a from which to choose just the right gift for dad on his special Day. 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