European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 15, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 12 Joe Bob Broges to the drive in mov Esthe Long awaited pure pork sausage movie gets 3 stars they finally made the movie version of the hit song big bad John t know it might seem like it took a Long time since the song went to number one on the charts in 1961, but think of it this Way. The people who have been waiting for the movie Are starting to develop brain tutors. They released this sucker just in time. Jimmy Dean the King of pure pork sausage stars in the movie but Here s the weird part they Don t use his version of the song big bad John. I Don t know who it is singing it but he does t have near the pipe3 Jimb does. Or did Jimmy a 62 years old anyhow except for that and except for a Tot of the plot Normak ing sense its a pretty decent flick about an old coot retired sheriff living with his Beer drinking dog Catfish in a Louisiana swamp Cabin a until Jack Elam and Ned Beatty come find him and r convince him to go find big bad John who killed a Man and ran off with the sheriffs daughter. To s kind of one of those action swamp Western mining love stories. We be got Zero breasts. Two dead bodies. One excellent rocket propelled dope smuggler s monster truck. Pool Cue head cracking. Exploding Largel. Exploding bar. Exploding Coal mine. Drive in Academy awards for Jake As Catfish the sarcastic dog and Jimmy Dean for working on this baby for 29 years and for saying Quot if you want the keys Billy you re Gonna have to shoot me to get em.�?�. By the Way if you rent big bad John at a video store you get a Coupon Good at the supermarket for 75 cents off any Jimmy Dean meat product. I m not kidding. Three stars Joe Bob says Check it out dear Joe Bob Briggs your heinous on great one you la never in a million years a Well at least a thousand a believe what just happened to me i la Tell you anyway. I had a dream that you called me. On the Telephone i m usually not prone to dreaming. You see i never sleep. But that s neither Here nor there. It s above but Kinda around that Side but a Little to the left. Joe Bob this is Akin to a religious experience. I Don t think i la Ever Wash my right ear again. I Haven t washed it since you called and.  you say something. What. Speak up one Day later. So i Call my favorite girl Bella a Bella Zarub is her name a and Tell her about the Call me burp Bella Bella oops phone still ringing Bella hello. Me Bella guess what Joe Bob Briggs called me and he liked my letter and he s sendin me a million Bucks and he wants me on Showtime and he a sendin me a million Bucks ,. And. Pant Pant Bella who is this me Bella it s me Rob. Remember it s your Sweet Hearl Rob pirog. Bella of it s you again. I told you before Lam Gonna Call the cops if you keep calling. I Don t know How you got my number and i never heard of you so Stop it Click. Betla is such a Kidder. That s Why she s my sweetie sincerely Rob pirog  n a a creators Syndicate Jimmy Dean takes a break from sausage making to make a three Star drive in  Rob i tried to Call you and give you the million and the shot on Showtime but someone kept answering the phone and mumbling like they were dreaming or  Joe Bob i wonder if they re still doing it when i was stationed at Clark a Philippines from 1977-79 they would show movies weekend nights on a Gigantic Roll out screen in the Center playing Field of one of the base football Fields the Best seats were at the top of the Cement bleachers As it took time for the dope sniffing dogs and their handlers to climb All the Steps. Many a tropical evening was spent in hazy Bliss at this bastion of american High life. Although not a Quot drive in Quot it was the closest thing for those of us tasked with making the country Safe for Imelda s shoes. Let s Hope the Quot walk in Quot theater is still in use. Can you Check on that for us your supporters keep up the column. You Are one of America s Best Art educators. Great drive in movies Are made by the Wain Guam and in West Germany. I m in stars amp stripes i know these things unfortunately most of the military Guys in charge of base movies think Viva Las vegas is a really hip Friday night  Bob Briggs the world s Only drive in movie critic distributes his column through creators Syndicate. Inc. Dear Peter Peter h Chico Calif yep the outdoor military drive in viewing areas Are still in place in the Philippines where Many to Pius sunday july 15, 1990