European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 5, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                T Page 12� goes to the drive in movies coast to coast top topless bars have i Over i old you about the time to and Phil Siegel and fuzzy Nixon did the coast to coast topless bar Decasto Rama. A. It started out because Phil who s from Brooklyn claimed that the kit Kal club on sixth Avenue in new York was the greatest topless bar in America you could hear me and fuzzy laughing All the Way to Syracuse the kit Kal club if you be Ever been there is the closest thing there is to watching grizzly boars take off their clothes for Money. That s the fuzzy Nimori who s from Santa Morv Ica said the greatest go go dancers in the world Are at Oscar s nightclub in Anaheim. This is  to the truth. Bul l insisted then and t continue to insist today that the greatest topless bar in the world is baby doll s topless in the famous Bachman Lake Quot Hooter heaven Quot area of Dallas where a i m just gazing at the newspaper Here a this week the top attraction is Lulu Devine billed As the 8th and 9th wonders of the world. Anyhow it was shortly after that that Phil. Fuzzy and me All gathered in new York and set out. Of a 3-week Cross country topless bar Blitz that resulted in what i believe to be the Only objective rankings of Nek kid Garbanzos Ever compiled in one place. Tho results follow. New York the Only City in America where \ extinct Buffalo Breeds can Boscon dancing top less All the clubs Are owned by Guys named Khalil. All the girls look like Junkie a1 nos. New Jersey same As new York except the girls look like Junkie albinos who live in tie suburbs. Boston some serious sleaze. Dark Bai caves where Bug eyed frizzy haired Quot exotic dancers Quot slide up and Down a pole. Very weird. Florida All the topless action is not in. Miami but in Tampa the first place where some of the dancers assumed a vaguely humanoid form. New Orleans first City to go 100 percent trans Vestic on us. You have to to into Judy Garland. Chicago women hired by at Capone Are. Still dancing. Very depressing. San Francisco Broadway where topless was founded by my close personal Friend Carol Doda be tier known As Quot the twin peaks Quot Long before the in show ripped off her trademarks Prelly much Down to two or three pathetic Little dubs Mere shadows of the Street s glory Days. Vegas t Hoy still Wear balloons on thei breasts arid 9 toed Peacock feathers on choir Heads and if you Ever see one of them dose up they All look like thay had head on collisions with a Max t actor truck. Al Lay Oscar s in Anaheim has the Quot Gid Rujel door Quot Type but Alt the More famous places on the Sunset strip Are either closed or so Sleazy your pocket gets picked before you even gel out of the car you Don t Wanna go inside. Houston the City where Quot table dancing Quot was. Invented you have to see it to believe it has decent looking girls and about 20 percent of Thorn can actually dance Dallas still the topless bar capital of Tho world topless bars for awry social class cab prot a i in for the High rollers million Dollar a a scene from a go go dance. Loon for the Nouveau Riche and for the working Man the Gulfy Genoa a topless on Harry Hines Boulevard. These topless bars Are so Good that the local d a. Has declared them a Public nuisance. And the most annoying one for my Money is baby doll s. They Tot girls in that place that look Good before the third Beer and of course that s the highest compliment i can pay to a woman. Creators Syndicate ing in the Quot Platinum doll go go awards Quot a1 the a famous Quot Chez Paree club in Allan tic City. On the outside this place looks like an Urban renewal project on the inside it looks like an Urban renewal project with Nek kid girls in it. The girls Are ail tougher than 50-cent steaks and they All have stripper names like Quot Chazz Quot and Quot Sheryl Quot and Quot special  one of them can dance. Most of. Them can swing from a giant steel pole. Joe Bob says Check pm out. And speaking of the Noble Nek kid female there s anew kid of video out that s a sort of pm rated top fuss dancing experience without actually showing anything sounds pretty pitiful but these things Are renting like crazy in the video stores. It s either professional topless dancers who step Down to a g siring and one of those Bikini tops that look like a couple band aids or it s Amateur night Quot girls of ext door Quot who strip Down to a a sting and one of those Bikini tops that look like a couple of designer band aids. The ones from the East coast feature pros. The ones from the West coast feature College girls secretaries and waitresses trying to make a Buck it you re going to Check one out go for the California ones. The ones from Atlantic City Are so Gross that the Only Way to enjoy a Ern is to Start at the end and run pm backward in fast motion watching the dancers put their clothes Back on typical of the East coast videos is go go dancer hosted by a of. My god1 a John by nor who a of. My god a does a Jackie Mason Imp Rusheon followed by a Henny Yoaw Man Limer cd Lon no introduces 15 girls come t Joe gob Briggs the drive in movie critic writes a nationally syndicated column for Cic Alors Syndicate inc., which is How he can afford to run around the country checking out go go  plus sunday August 5. 1990