European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 24, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Complex relationship Mother Daught i by Jenny Vogt Fox news Servic in Mother daughter relationships one Clumsy comment can Send either party Over the Edge. Then again sometimes no words Are necessary. It May take Only a lift of an Eyebrow or a misinterpreted sidelong gaze to set tempers flaring in what Many women consider the most Complex and primal of All relationships. Quot there a enormous sensitivity Between mothers and daughters because each matters to the other so much Quot explained Janet Surrey director of psychology at the adult out patient department at Harvard medical schools Hospital Mclean Hospital in Belmont mass. There is a lot of potential conflict when mothers and daughters Are so attuned to one another said Surrey a clinical psychologist. A father son relationships Are just As tension fraught As those Between Mother and daughter. But psychologists say it is Mother daughter relationships that receive attention simply because women talk about their relationships and men do not. In the new movie postcards from the Edge meryl Streepy a character is stung again and again by the comments of her Well meaning but self entered Mother played by Shirley Maclaine. The movie based on the a Semi autobiographical first novel of actress Carrie Fisher whose Mother is Debbie Reynolds is being hailed As the Best film portrayal of a Mother daughter relationship since terms of endearment. At the beginning of the film Streep a sarcastic wisecracking actress is admitted to a drug rehabilitation Center after an accidental drug overdose. Maclaine visits but seems a at least to Streep a to focus on the decor of her daughters new surroundings rather than the reason she is a patient there. Quot i done to know How you stand it a Maclaine says looking at the Walls Quot everything All one  she resolves to return with a quilt and some plants to brighten things up in the room. Streep who had initially feared her mothers disapproval Over her drug use is outraged and disgusted by her Mother s shallowness. Such behaviour is a classic example of Quot Mother blaming Quot says Ruth Harriet Jacobs a sociologist and researcher at the Wellesley College Center for research on women in Wellesley mass. Quot the reason Why i think there a so much tension in71 he reason. There s so much  that daughters blame their mothers for becoming what their daughters Don t want to become Mother daughter relationships. Is that daughters blame their mothers for becoming what their daughters Don t want to become Quot Jacobs said. Quot there Are a lot of Young and Middle aged women who Are not Happy for a variety of reasons and instead of blaming themselves or saying its not a real Good society right now for women they take the path of blaming their  adds Carol Rubin a clinical psychologist in Newton mass., Quot we re All accustomed to thinking our mothers judge us but when you turn the tables a Little you see we re judging our mothers  in postcards from the Edge Maclaine is Wistful about her lost youth and Pushy with her daughter because she fears her daughter will duplicate her mistakes. Her Shirley Maclaine and Debra Winger in a scene from a terms of endearment Quot a movie that explores the Complex relationship Between a Mother and daughter. Daughter also represents an Opportunity for her to experience life anew. Quot i think in a sort of jealous of you and that is because of it being your turn and All and i think i find it hard to accept that mine is almost up Quot Maclaine explains of her behaviour which vacillate Between push Ness and competitiveness. Quot it would help me a lot if i thought one of us enjoyed our  living vicariously through ones daughter is not an uncommon theme in Mother daughter relationships. Quot As a Mother. It Means a Chance to relive internally All the things you did or did no to do in your own growing up Quot Rubin explained. Quot it s hard As a Mother to let your daughter make her own mistakes when you feel you be made the same  in the movie Maclaine tries to steer her daughter through the complexities of an acting career while also dealing with a drug problem. An actress herself with an alcohol problem she refuses to face Maclaine however has no credibility with her daughter in this Pursuit. A do you mind if i have a drink Quot Maclaine asks. Quot do you mind if i drop acid Quot cracks Streep. Such is the tension that characterizes the relationship Between the two. Streep s behaviour is prompted by the anger she is still carrying around for something her Mother did 20 years ago and although she Hasni to even admitted it to herself she wants to earn her mothers approval. A i think you should just get Over what happened to you in your adolescence Quot Maclaine tells Streep. Quot it is time to move  Janet Hibel a Palm Beach gardens fla., psychologist who specializes in individual and family counselling suggests daughters not dwell on getting their Mother s approval for All their actions. Quot As a mature adult you should be Able to get to the Point where it s Nice to have momus approval but you can live without it Quot Hibel said. In the end another family crisis finally unites Maclaine and Streep. Despite the Happy ending no one is left believing either has changed their widely divergent beliefs. More Likely a truce has been achieved. Quot if you get to the Point where you disagree then sometimes you have to agree to disagree and accept each other As is a As different human beings Quot Hibel said. Quot because you re Mother daughter you done to have to be alike. You can be separate human beings very different and still care for each other very  is j w a a a Christmas Holiday Bonus All children a Christmas books have been discounted 25% or More from regular Price now available at most stars and stripes bookstores. Saturday november 24, 1990 the stars and stripes a a a Page 17