European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 14, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                There is so much More about the holidays than merely How much you spend on gifts for the family. By Marianne and Stephen w. Garber and Robyn Freedman Spizman Cox news services Reader s letter things have not been so Good this year and we really can t afford to go into any More debt of course our kids Ages 3, 7 and 9, have been talking about Christmas for months a listing what they want talking about where they want to go a and we done to want to disappoint them. This is really the first year we be Ever had to Cut Back and i am feeling awful. Any suggestions a Down about it. Dear Down regardless of How much the stores. Depend on the Holiday spree to make their yearly sales totals the holidays Are riot about How much you spend. We Are sure your heart is in the right place but you underestimate your children they love the holidays for the Coler and spirit As Well As the gifts. Think Back to your own childhood. What do you remember about the holidays Long after the presents Are unwrapped and forgotten the warmth of family memories remain. A who is doing the adding anyway a child May love the. Box More than the contents and a $2.98 a Odoo Latchie Quot May be the big hit of the Day so forget the totals. Your attitude and reaction to their requests will set the tone. A determine a budget. You can t stay within in a budget it you done to create one. Agree on an amount you can comfortably spend this Holiday and stick to it a make a list. Forget the naughty arid Nice but do Check the list twice. The first time include everyone to whom you feel you must give a gift. The second time around Circle those people who have been on the list for years but you never see. Could you Send them a note instead How Many people would understand and even appreciate a non traditional gift this year Honor family a and friends with a donation to your favorite Charity give the gift of your Effort with homemade goodies. A be. Truthful. Share your feeling with the kids. You done to have to give any details but every person in the world must adhere to some kind of budget. Since they will be buying their own gifts for family members help each child to create a personal budget. Talk about ways they can give gifts which Cost Little or nothing but Are priceless in value. A a a a.  a. A a a be creative. Make a list of a few must haves which meet the budget for each child. Fill out the list with a free Quot a ideas like a Quot get out of a chore card1 or a Promise to 7 record All favorite television shows during the month for. Later viewing. A homemade and great. Putting together your own gifts can be fun and Money saving too. Your 7 and 9-year-old probably would love to play office or store. The office Supply store is filled with items that fit the Bill labels receipts sales tags , at a garage Sale you May be Able to pick up an old typewriter or a calculator Han tools a plastic tool Box and a  from the hardware store will Delight Many a child. A done to forget the dress up Corner. What happened to Granddad sold Bowler and pops Bow tie what about a a that evening dress that is out of style and perhaps a Little a. A out of fit too add a few scarves old High heels costume jewelry a sport coat from the attic and a trip to fabric for a Boa. Ribbon and magical netting. A. Many times adults place their own expectations on. Children. Have a wonderful Holiday and your children will too. A a a. Pur 4-year-old son refuses to play with any other children and appears to be afraid of them. He attended preschool last year and never played with children we have tried inviting a Friend to our Home but this has the same result. On the flip Side he is an extremely gentle and Loving child and a pleasure to be with he is attending preschool three mornings a week this year. What suggestions do you have a Quot a a a mrs. I dear mrs. A children a reactions to social situations vary tremendously some children adapt to change like a cat that always lands on its feet but a few remain anxious. In each new setting a a classroom a party or simply a a phone Call ,. A. Quot. ,. From your description  appears to be among the More inhibited so it is important to help him become comfortable with others and in new situations. Prepare your child for new situations. Talk about what. He will see and whom he will meet. Role play Likely Quot situations. Practice saying Quot hello Quot when he is introduced. To someone. A a -. A a a a a a a ask your child s teacher to name a couple of kind easygoing children who would make Good friends for your child. You might be surprised to discover your son also. Has a suggestion or. Two. Invite one child at a time to your Home for Short periods on several occasions. Make sure you Are Home on each occasion and ready with a Quick idea to get some action going. Any interactions with the other child should rate your Praise attend Parent child programs. Exercise classes sports and Art programs encourage Parent  one session with him May enable him to go alone the next round. Before you sign up for an activity ask if you and your son May observe on several. Occasions. After sitting on the sidelines he eventually May a a a be a willing participant. A a a. ,. Use his interests. Fascination is a Strong motivator. Is Mere any activity that attracts your child a Persona interest could become a Pursuit through which he will become involved with other children. Enlist the Aid of his teachers. Develop a plan so that. Each Day he interacts with a child on the playground or. Tries to make Contact with another child he earns a sticker to bring Home. For a Reward make a grab bag by filling a Pillowcase with treats such As sugarless gum trinkets new pencils Small puzzles and books. Continue this for a few Days then draw a Quot Smiley face Quot on a Sheet of paper. Divide it into two sections and Tell your son that when both sections have a sticker he May reach into the grab bag ,. Again. Divide the next Chart into three sections. Slowly change the requirements encourage him to initiate additional interactions or play for longer periods. Keep your expectations Low but your Praise and reinforcement frequent. If you Don t feel you Are helping your child become comfortable with others or the Progress is too slow ask your family physician to refer you to a psychologist who works with children one last tip never Label your child As shy. Saying a it takes him a Little while to warm up provides a hopeful Outlook. /. Clifio Euca ional con utlant Stephen w. Garber a ? d r?.byri Freedman Spizman an author of books on a Constitution motivating children write a column on parenting or the Atlanta Page 16 a k k the stars and stripes Friday december 14,1990