European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 16, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse Slav j a r a v chop now and beat the coming Oil Price hikes a a a a. A a a Joe Pisani Greenwich Conn time very saturday before the Sun comes up i put on my Long Johns a flannel work shirt and Denim coveralls and go fetch my a from the shed. Then i head out into the suburban wilderness and engage in a traditional form of stress reduction called a Wood we new englander arc traditionalists. We be Learned that the old ways arc the Best ways which Means lets bring Back the 80s before its too late because there a already been too much misery in. The �?T90s. Now that Winters coming you can hear the familiar sound of to Jling suburban woodsmen throughout our neighbourhood thwack thwack thwack. A to wow son of Bacall 9111&Quot. Everyone wants a full woodshed for the Winter. I never realized the resources i had in my Back Yard until 1 went to the local convenience store where they were Selling three pieces of firewood from the Ossipee swamp Region in Transylvania for $4.99. It must have been slow burning gourmet Wood. Actually it s a great marketing concept especially now that the Cost of Home heating Oil is doubling. Economic hard times bring out the ctr Curc cur in everyone and we new englander Are turning to alternative Energy sources advocated by former president Quot Here comes the Sun Carter who saw the future 10 years ago even though no one but the arabs would listen to him. We new englander Are a Hardy Breed and Over the decades we be evolved into a Stout hearted people accustomed to adversity largely because we be been suffering a recession since 1932. You Don t Sec these problems in the South or on the West coast where their most urgent concern is regulating the temperature on their hot a a a this Winter we want to be prepared because judging from past experience our heating Oil suppliers will probably wait till the coldest week of the year and then when we least expect it a like right on Christmas eve a triple the Price of fuel Oil and blame it on someone else. This Christmas you have a lot to be thankful for if you get Coal in your stocking in one of their Many attempts to balance the Federal budget our elected officials insisted on putting a hefty tax on heating Oil because they realized wed rather pay the tax than freeze to death which explains How they became our elected officials a they have our Best interests in mind. Nevertheless in the congressional spirit of Compromise they agreed to tax Maple syrup instead. But we new englander Are individualists in the tradition of Henry David Thoreau and Orville which Means we never ask for favors or preferential treatment from our elected. Officials a and they never offer it. We re hard working. Instead of spending our weekends at the mall we go into the suburban wilderness and do things As a family. We forage. We gather twigs leaves logs and roots. We Cut Down Trees in our Yards a not to mention our neighbors Yards and Public Parks. Next year Well worry about global warming. Yes new England Winters Are Long and cold but its comforting to have a crackling fire and to smell the pungent Aroma of burning Oak and to hear the smoke detectors ringing off the Wall because you forgot to open the Chimney Damper. Lately in be been checking the fur on caterpillars and the toenails on chipmunks and All those other meteorological and economic indicators which say hard times lie ahead. We new englander Are preparing for the worst by following the example of the industrious. Gray Squirrel who in the True spirit of gluttony Stupek pics his resources for the future much like our heating Oil distributors who do the same thing so make a killing when the Price goes a Little cat has Best Selling author and self proclaimed curmudgeon Cleveland Amory purring. Page 16. To plus is a weekly supplement of the stars and Snipes editors John Taylor Sarah Bottorff Art director Sharon Kilday. Production Usa Williams Denise Adams editorial assistance Louis Pierce Marian Hamilto cover Clint Eastwood plays an Auto theft cop in his latest a the Rookie. A Page 9, observations .3 How to survive highways and briefings sometimes it hurts to help Joe Bob Briggs. 4 the drive in movie critic talks about to featured 1990�?Ts tournament of plays almost Wasny to on videos .6 How to ski videos go spectacular to briefs. 7 pan am a flight j03 in docudrama this weeks films 8-9 �?o77ie Rookie Quot is a one Star film at Best Complete cafes circuit listings letters. 10 More on Ash commercials and weekend to television listings. 1144 local Cable and satellite schedules trends 15 How americans View past presidents should to Hertz be Speed limits on autobahn books 16-17 the ultimate word on Many a Best Friend James /. Kilpatrick has sound advice science and toe world ,.,.18 Hawaii is slowly getting bigger at a glance saudi Arabia Odds amp ends .19 Gas ovens make cooking a blast miss manners and Horoscope last laugh 24 pave Parry cartoons from around the world As time passes former president Truman looks better and better. Page 15. Just who is this mystery Rabbit the animated controversy continues Page 10, pages c to plus sunday december 16,1990
