European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 16, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A commercial Zapper done to try this at Home he japanese geniuses at Mitsubishi invented a do Ohickey to put on your Var so that every tie a commercial comes on the tape stops recording. Do you believe this it s True. It has some kind of Buli stuff Detector on there a tiny microchip Home video brain that goes a whoa hold on there Aqua Vulva this How about it a a and then it zaps the commercial into eternal darkness. A. Anytime it hears the voice of Wilford Brimley taking about oat bran the special windbag indicator goes off the scale and the tape jolts to a Stop. If Richard Simmons starts slapping his thighs  a Neal Sedaka song is playing the special weasel voiced 800-number alarm screams into action and the tape jerks to  you can use this thing to tape an nil football game Only to discover that nil games arc Only 45 minutes Long. The other three hours is John Madden growing fatter by the second in an Ace hardware store. Only one problem though this thing does no to have a snowballs Chance  of Ever being sold in the be United states and you know Why because As soon As they introduced it in Japan the to networks started zapping their own signals with a electronic fuzzy to confuse the machine. They would Send weird electronic messages Down at the double sub Woofer level that told the machine tilings like a they this May sound Ike a Subaru commercial but its really Laurence Oliver doing Hamlet a and so the machine does no to shut off. 1 a because the machine was Loo honest because the machine revealed what everybody knows except people in the to business a that we Allm a commercials. / we done to care if they re cute. We done to car if they re funny. We Don t care if Michael Jordan is in pm. Even when we like the commercial its sorta like appreciating a Turkey dinner when you re in prison. If you had a Choice you  be eating it. A a a a a \ a Quot you re not supposed to admit this that a Why they done to use the word a commercial Quot on to anymore. During football games they have a an official timeout or Quot a timeout on the Field Quot these Are both lies. An official timeout is called by the official. These timeouts Are called by the producer of the to show. And a timeout on a Field is called on the Field. These arc called from a the truck a the portable Bunker where the producer is sitting. Why do they keep saying this a Why done to they say a a in timeout because they a on v  he responsible. They know this. They just done to admit this. Even to themselves. The producers done to admit it. The writers done to admit it. The sportscasters weenies among weenies sure done to admit it. Its the great secret that All of us already know but they apparently think we do hot know. Are your following this commercial Zapper on your Var dream on.  Send machine gun squads to your House first a. Grace Zabriskie right and Christine Elise examine Chucky in a a child a play 2.�?� Universal City studios fade to Black Chucky the killer doll is Back for child s play 2, even though the toy company stockholders arc a Little jittery about keeping a toy on the Market that a been accused of being a serial murderer and stealing the souls of children. Unfortunately Andy a mom who witnessed Chucky a murders in the first movie has been hauled off to the loony bin and Andy is sent to a Foster Home. Meanwhile Chucky is being re assembled by the toy company engineers who try to figure put what went haywire and then turned Over to a mus Mouth . Guy who son the Way to see his Girlfriend when a Well you remember the inst time Chucky got into a car. Hijack City. And before you know it Chucky is hanging around the Foster Hoine assassinating other dolls hitching rides on the school bus so he can write obscenities on the teachers papers at Andy a school and murdering several adults who can to seem to figure it out. The Only two people who see Chucky for what he truly is a a maniac killer toy a Are Little Andy and his teen age Foster sister. V drive in Academy award nominations for Don Mancini the writer and John Lafia the director for having Chucky use a cellular phone and saying a now its time to play a hide the soul a three and a half stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. A v a a a a a a a a dear Joe Bob i am in the army temporarily thank Buddha stationed in Germany. I eat food that any self respecting Catfish would refuse to stomach. To me laughter is the most precious commodity available to Mankind today and it nigh makes the hair a Pon my toes Tingle to know one so uniquely humorous As yourself is a Champion of this cause a your article lauding the diceman and decrying his plight was right . That kind of a censorship smacks of a banana Republic dictatorship not a country that boasts More freedoms than Ernest Borgnine has Chest hairs. Party on Joe Bob. V a Emlen hamilton7th army training corny transient facilities Germany dear Nilen if they Start censoring the diceman  a have to Start censoring 90 percent of the army you Guys have told me stuff in letters that would Gross him out. V. A Joe Bob a flags world s Only known professional drive ill movie. Critic writes from Grapevine Texas and is distributed by creators Syndicate inc. A. A a. Dear Joe Bob Many of the lesser known drive in films never reach drive ins Here. Some High sheriffs have / made Canada a Ontario especially a As close As you can got to communism while still being called democratic. Did you know about Ontario a censor Board up Here a horror film can get an a a re rating equivalent in terms to an a  rating in the states and the High sheriffs can still Cut the film to their Baptist liking at least the Board is much More lenient than before. The drive in will never die a Kerry Grant v a Milton Ontario Canada dear Kerry censorship in Canada if the canadians Are Gonna insist on speaking French the least they could do is be As disgusting As the French. Page 4 to Pius sunday december 16,1990