European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 28, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Re a Quot a 4 a it / a 4 r a is. J Quot to 1\ / a v u h v so $ h in  % by Leslie Dreyfous associated press n mondays it was Meau oaf j with string Beans and a baked  ritual evening meal usually served around 6 30 or so was alive with laughter and the inevitable family squabbles. The arguments generally were settled before the dinner hour rolled around again what lingered were memories of the corny jokes a Little parental Wisdom perhaps the Brief quiet after Grace was said. Diviner time in America conjures images of the Hearth , family members gather around the table to share their lives and perhaps learn a Little from one a. Another. A. A that a the snapshot we hold it s the Way families Are supposed to be. But the idyll of regular warm togetherness at the table often does t workout. The nuclear family of yesteryear has in Many cases splintered. Today More than half of mothers hold Down jobs outside the. Home kids too Are busier than Ever with after school sports and other activities. All too often the dinner hour is fast food inhaled in front of the television set instead of around a table set with silverware and napkins. Yet recent polls have shown the vast / a a a majority of americans make an Effort to Dine together regularly. Parents recognize that mealtime often is the Only real Chance family members have to get involved in. Each others lives. A a we Are All caught Between reality and the expectation of. Leave it to Beaver where everyone sits a round the table and makes chirpy conversation Quot said Susan Ginsberg editor of work amp family life newsletter. A a Quot the reality is that we Are All so Busy that we find it hard to sit Down together Quot said Ginsberg who also directs work and family programs at Bank Street College in new York. A we have less time than we did 25 years  a. But most parents believe dining together should be a priority. It encourages. Openness helps kids develop conversational skills strengthens the family unit. A a a Quot the goal of dinner time is not to sit silently and eat Quot said Thomas Weisner an anthropologist at the University of a a California los Angeles. A the goal is to share knowledge and information. Reaffirm cultural  a. Weisner and Eleanor Ochs a linguist and colleague at Urcla spent three years studying videotapes of Mealtimes in 20 los Angeles households struggling to preserve although americans Are busier than Ever recent pots show that the majority makes an Effort to Dine together regularly. The dinner hour amid modern life a competing demands. A. A the most important thing that to found was that regardless of Sci economics or the dinner arrangements All the families used the time to talk about problems. And problem solving Quot Ochs  s a Nice scenario the image of Loving parents Brothers and Sisters participating. In each others lives. A ,. A but Don t despair if dinner table. A a a. Conversation at your House tends More toward complaints about undercooked the family that Omnes together eats9d on e now York Elmea lbs nows poll conducted by Telephone nov. 13 through 15 with 555 adults who said they have children under 18 living with them did most of your family eat tit near Tibet her.  wite you Are a Modoni it a to your family too a Puiyu watching to or talking watching to. 18% if Vanung. Vij on Afy Vioal Day from monday to Friday Whan your Willy Doe eat Donar Tom her a that time do you usually am a  a a a  quota a 00 to 849 4%x 4o0tt>4� x f in the last seven Deya How Many evening Dkl moot of your family eat dinner together when  Doe How import to you Mead no dinner with everyone  the tame Basic meet or do you Tampy a on Hamdy  not Spaghetti and sibling  blowups Over grades chores or next years family vacation destination. A. Quot a Quot we All have this fantasy about the perfect diviner Quot said Ellen Galinsky of to families and work los title of new York. Quot then you sit Down and nobody likes the food or people fight. A Quot you feel really Rotter because you think that at other people s houses icy to having discussions about the election or a a coming recession or some other a ,. A meaningful topic Quot said Galinsky who ,. A conducts Paren Wirig seminars. The facts family dinner hours Don t always make for erudite conversation. A a sometimes they Are raucous or downright Rocky. Bui Lhatt Sall right the experts say. What counts is the act of sitting Down of setting time  and Tom Darling s seven children know that their memories differ but ail hold close the chaos that was dinner Lime at their Home Quot the Almaula ranch Quot in a Southern Michigan. A a. A having rituals is important said the family s 71-year-Ojd matriarch. Quot ours was a big round table with two extra leaves it could easily sit 10and we All knew when daddy got porno. It Focas Tirrie to gather  Quot. A the Darling children a lives have veered far from that 1960s tableau. They now Are adults Wilh kids of their own and like much a of America they struggle to  a tradition Aliye despite Lite s complications. A a a Quot we need of make choices Here Quot said Janice Darling one of five daughters who a All w ent on to become mothers Quot we need to sacrifice a Tew things sows have a  Calm in our lives of Rio to. Enjoy each ther Friday december 28, 1990 the stars and stripes Page 13