European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 10, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Til last laugh r o a few helpful tips on How to get first class  rid tier newspaper. Odayl etiquette. Topic is How to tip. I to get first class service you have to a know How to tip. A look at Prince Charles everywhere lie goes he gets the red carpet treatment and do you know Why because he knows How to Quot take care Quot of people. The first thing he does when he lands in a foreign country is shake hands with the foreign head of state and quietly slip him a couple of folded Bills. Likewise when famous musical artists perform at the White House they do their very Best because they know that president Bush will slip a Crisp new Dollar into the Jar on the White House i Ino if you would like to have the same kind of a Vair Faire literally Quot ear size Quot As these two so Philli cute men you need to follow these recommended tipping guidelines v a a tipping in restaurants the key. To successful restaurant tipping  avoid being in a Large group where everybody Quot chips in Quot to pay the Bill because you la always come up $147-Short, and you la have a huge embarrassing argument with people pulling out Pons paper calculators sextants Etc., and saying things like Quot Well my salad definitely did not have As much shredded Carrot As Marge a Quot. A a it a also there will always be somebody who wants to leave a pathetic lip. You know the kind of person i mean i mean a person who s never satisfied with the service a person who if he had a heart attack and the waiter saved his life via emergency open heart surgery right there on the table a Job memes got freckles fido London Engle close Shiw would complain that the waiter used the wrong knife. Sonic people arc just cheap. I used to go to lunch with a group of newspaper reporters including one whom my Call  when the Bill came wed cych throw in an appropriate amount of Money except for Quot Bob a who a very reluctantly put in a few smallish coins sonic of while were foreign Money. A a a Bob a a wed say.,"you owe More than thalo a my name Isno to Bob a a head say. A it s Art Quot a we know that a wed say. A a we re changing your name to protect you from embarrassment when this anecdote appears in the newspaper years from  so we see that being a bad Tipper can come Back to haunt you. Also when you die you go to bad Tipper hell where you spend eternity buried up to your neck in hot coals and every few minutes a Devil wearing a cummerbund comes. Around and says a would you care for some fresh ground Pepper  tipping in fancy hotels at a fancy hotel you should be prepared to tip basically your life Sav mrs. The instant you arrive uniformed men will surround your car and Greet you in an aggressive manner while snatching your Luggage which  give to other men who la give it to other men until you have been assisted by enough uniformed men to form the yugoslavian army All of whom will have to be tipped if you Ever Hope to see your underwear again. Also you re expected to tip the belly arson is for every minute he spends lecturing you on the various features of your room such As where the window is How you work the Light switch Etc. A. Really informative Bellerson will find so Many room  Tell you about a and Down Here you have your floor Quot that he May Well elect to spend the night with you. My most terrifying hotel tipping experience occurred when a Book publisher put me up for a. Night at a gymnasium sized Suile in an extremely fancy  Beverly Hills the kind or hotel where Vei where you turn there Are men Wear Jug tuxedos and you feel obliged to hand them Money even though the Only apparent service they perform is to make you nervous. So i tipped my Way desperately through the lobby thrusting Money at everything in my path including Floral arrangements and i made it to my room and finally the Bill person left and i thought i was Safe. But immediately there was a Knock at the door. No kidding full names of six popular to characters it miss Kitty Quot gun smoke Kitty Russell a. Agent 99 a get smart Quot Susan Hilton colonel Hogan Quot hogans heroes a Robert Hogan Margie Quot my Little Margie a Margie Albright Doc Adams a gun smoke Quot a or. Galen Adams or Spock Quot Star trek Quot or. Spock Spock has a first name but says humans cannot pronounce it source world features Syndicate and it was yet another hotel person announcing that he had brought me some ice. I did no to need ice but Here was this Tuxedo wearing person holding a Silver ice bucket that Cost More than my car and i did no to want to look cheap so i pulled out my Wallet and gave him the smallest Bill i had left which was a five. Moments after he left another hotel person came around and this one for some reason had strawberries. I happen to hate strawberries but this person had a tastefully arranged plate of them on a rolling cart and i Felt i had no Choice but to give her what was now the smallest Bill in my Wallet namely a 20.  i had spent $25 for ice which was melt ing and strawberries which were being eaten by Small Tuxedo wearing flies and of course word was spreading like wildfire among the hotel staff that if you wanted to make big Money you could take virtually any random object up to the luxury suite. I spent the rest of the evening huddled in bed trying to ignore the people knocking on my door bringing me god knows who i was tet i  they a become violent. "0k or. Flurry. They d shout using a bullhorn. Quot we know you re in there. We have a live Pony out Here for you and if you done to come out and tip us we re going to shove it under the door a a so we Sec the importance of proper tipping etiquette. I certainly Hope that this information has been helpful and that before you move along to the next article you remember to show your a predation for All the work in be done by. ,. Hey come Back Here a t a a sunday March 10, 1991