European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 20, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse By Gary Miller Mediterranean Bureau Large families once a tradition in Italy Are going the Way of full service Gas stations in the states. In fact Italy has the lowest birth rate in the world. That a news to most americans living in Italy. Quot you can see How much italians love children and the importance they place on having them Quot said Loredana Volpe of the Naples Italy naval support activity family service Center. She offered a mix of statistics and information about Italy s child rearing customs in a seminar entitled Quot raising children Lallian style Quot Volpe the Center s intercultural relations programs manager developed the course. She presented it for the first time june 7, ,. Although the seminar dealt primarily with Southern Italy Many of the attitudes and customs Volpe discussed Are prevalent throughout Italy she said. The drop in birth rate is the result of changing attitudes overtaking customs a industrialization women having careers and couples wanting to have More time for themselves Volpe said. Whatever the cause Only 10 children were born for every 1,000 people in Italy in 1985, according to the world almanac which lists the country a natural rate of population increase As Zero. In the United states the rate was 15.5, which translates to an increase of 0.6 percent. Italy s birth Rale also surprises Many americans because they associate the country with roman catholicism the Faith which is not Only predominant there but is actually based in the nation s capital. But family size seems to be one area where italians like catholics in Many industrialized countries disagree with their churches teachings. Quot from what i be read and heard the Vatican is very concerned and is encouraging people to have More children Quot Volpe said. When italian couples do decide it s time to have children Many Are traditional in their preferences they want boys. Quot they gave a variety of reasons for preferring boys according to a Survey such As maintaining a family name and that the male is still considered the stronger of the two sexes Quot Volpe said. When couples have girls they Are said to have received a Cambial a Bill for the future costs of a wedding. But the euphemisms begin Long before a youngster is born and so do the costs. When a women is expecting she is said to be in an Quot interesting a this expression must be from a time when it was embarrassing to say pregnant Quot Volpe said. Women in an Quot interesting state Quot have an interesting decision to make whether to use National health service physicians or private doctors. Many italians prefer private obstetricians who often charge Between $120 to $160 a visit. Future grandparents often help pay doctor Bills. Just looking her Best can Cost a Mother to be a bundle when fashionable maternity dresses Start at about $150. A tradition of family additions loses popularity in Italy a even when you re in an interesting state you have to be in an elegant state Quot Volpe said. One of the few savings a pregnant italian woman can expect to realize is on food Bills. Its a common belief that a future Mother must eat whatever food she craves. If she touches some part of her body while craving a food she fails to eat her baby will have a Birthmark on the same part of its body. The child a Mark will be the color of the food its Mother craved. As a result everyone in Italy encourages expectant mothers to eat whatever they desire. Even food vendors who notice a pregnant woman admiring some of their merchandise will insist that she eat some. Husbands whether they actually believe the old wives tale or Are just trying to be Good sports do their Best to attend to their pregnant wives cravings. Fathers participation in the delivery process is c Page 14 the stars and stripes new concept in Italy. Many italian fathers still Pace in a Hospital waiting room during their wives delivery. Working italian mothers Are Way ahead of their american counterparts when it comes to maternity leave. A pregnant woman is entitled to paid leave for several months before she delivers and several More after her child is born. A this is the Law Quot Volpe said. A it comes from the belief that a Mother and child need the time together for for a year after she delivers a Mother is also entitled to leave work two hours Early Volpe said. Because Italy is a less Mobile society most Young couples live in the same City As their families and can rely Oneppo Zurom their parents when they re expecting. Even in private clinics where Many italian mothers prefer to have their children delivered attendants and nurses Are less plentiful than in american hospitals. The new grandmothers Are expected to pick up the Slack. They can be seen in maternity wards at All hours of the Day or night sitting next to their daughters Beds to attend to their needs and their Newborn grandchildren. From the Hospital the Mother and child go to grandmother�?Ts1 House for several weeks to recuperate while friends of a new Mother Don t hold baby showers they do give gifts when the baby is born. When the baby is baptized they Shell out with gifts of Gold or such High priced items As strollers or. Playpens. As italian children grow they stay close to their parents. Parents usually keep babies in their bedrooms for years a custom that is slowly changing. A also slowly changing is the custom of nursing children for As Long As two years. Doctors Are suggesting children be weaned when they re 6 months old. Whenever an italian child is weaned it s on such foods As baby pasta and biscuits. Feeding is very important to italian parents. To make sure youngsters eat every bit of their food and Don t make a mess italian parents often will not allow them to feed themselves until they Are 5 or 6 years old. Quot that s Why High chairs Are rare in italian restaurants Quot Volpe said. A parents want to have Young kids in their laps so they can be sure they such interaction Between mothers and their children usually leads to extremely close life Long relationships. It s common for grown children to live with their parents a trend that has caught on in the states. According to a . Census Bureau Survey conducted in March 1990, More than half of the children in the country Between the Ages of 18 and 24 Are living with their parents up from 42 percent in 1-960. When italian children move out of their parents Home its usually to get married Volpe said. But they Don t usually move far away. They know that grandma is a built in getting a grip on when it s of to hug by Donna Larcen the Hartford courant hugging is a Nice Friendly gesture. It shows you care about a person. It makes them feel wanted it makes you feel Good. But a hug can be a no no in business a a Faux Pas among casual friends and a cultural catastrophe with some foreigners. Then again depending on where you grew up it can be As natural As breathing. In Case you Are wondering Why we re talking about this at All Alice Frazier a 67-year-old washingtonian made history when the Queen of England visited her during a sweep through a Public housing project. Frazier embraced Elizabeth ii during her Royal tour of the colonies last month. The Queen was not amused. Quot this is a lady who probably grew up hugging everybody. But in business practice there Are definite unwritten rules Quot says Deanne Shapiro president of life skills associations a consulting company in West Hartford Conn., that runs human relationship workshops. Quot people have a Comfort level and if you Cross that line it causes there does seem to be a geographic influence on the inclination to hug. Quot the closer to the Equator you get the More hugging people do Quot Ross Buck a University of Connecticut professor who studies and writes about such personal Phenomena says. Quot it May be related to the Day night Cycle. Nobody really knows the so italians hug More than scandinavians and jamaicans More than argentinians. And in Many Muslim countries men Are Likely to embrace and even hold hands walking Down the Street. There is no word for privacy in Arab cultures it is interpreted As loneliness Quot in Muslim prayer there is a ritual where men Kneel shoulder to shoulder Quot says David Kerr director of the Macdonald Center for studies of islam and Christian Muslim relations at the Hartford Seminary in Hartford Conn. Quot in in Many Arab countries men embrace each other in greeting. But a kiss on the tip of the nose is a form of greeting reserved for sheiks Only. Japan if you look directly at someone or raise your eyebrows during a greeting its too in China women Are not supposed to show their Teeth when they smile. In Arab countries Many women Wear veils and Are not supposed to touch any Man except close relatives. But tourists in Hawaii gel a traditional greeting of a Flower necklace and a kiss on each Cheek. A i grew up in an italian household and i used to give my Molher a hug and kiss when i made a five minute trip to the store Quot says Kay Honke who runs Confidence inc., a business manners consulting company in West Hartford Conn. Quot but you can t translate a social culture into the world of business. The Only acceptable form of greeting in business is a chimpanzees shake hands too. That has been observed As greeting behaviour. In one instance a Grouchy male seemed much less aggressive after a Mother and infant reached out to him and Shook his hand but Back in the corporate world if there is going to be More than a handshake the initiation has to come from the person who is perceived As having More Power. A if the ceo wants to congratulate you after some achievement then he or she should Start the hug Quot manners expert Letitia Baldrige says. Quot but if the Junior executive hugs the Boss that a seen As a very different Baldrige a Connecticut native who has lived All Over the world served As social Secretary at the . Embassies in Paris and Rome and was chief of staff Lor first lady Jacqueline Kennedy in the White House. Quot you Don t really study something like this ahead of time Quot she says. A you can t Tell the president of the United slates and the prime minister of England not to hug each other. It s a very personal thing. If they fee like it they will do it what really frosts Baldrige is air Quot that started on Johnny car son s show about 25 years ago Quot she says. Quot these people just saw Johnny and each other moments before and then they come out and do this totally phony kissing on the Cheek but no lips Ever touch so if you Are going to hug or kiss someone do you have to really mean it Quot of course Quot Baldrige says Quot otherwise what a the point7 the Hartford courant j once you have decided to hug. There Are some rules. These Are suggested in the hug therapy Book by Kathleen Keating compare publishers $5.95 a a just Friendly hug is always non sexual and should remain so. It is meant to give support not to seduce. A get permission before you hug if you Are hot sure that the other person wants a hug. A if you want a hug ask for one. A if you want a longer hug say so. There Are also different types of hugs. They Are a the Bear hug an All encompassing Sloppy big hug. A the a Frame hug where you wrap arms around each other s shoulders and touch faces but not bodies a a Cheek hug which is a gentle hug when people Are sealed a a Sandwich hug which involves three people. A a group hug which involves More than three people a a Side to Side hug where people stand shoulder to shoulder and put their arms around each other a a heart entered hug. A full body embrace in which the two Hugger s know each other quite Well saturday. July 20,1991 and stripes a Page 15
