European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 19, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Lessening the Strain of business trip separations by Lawrence m. Kutner the new York times before Janett Selby leaves on a business trip she gives her 4-year-old daughter Leah a chewable Calendar Bubble gum the number of pieces the girl gets equals the number of nights her Mother will be away. She is allowed to have one piece every evening. Quot when i Call her up Shell Tell me How Many pieces of Bubble gum she has left and How Long it will be until i come Home Quot said Selby an administrator with a medical equipment manufacturer in St. Paul Minn. She has travelled on business for several Days every few months since her daughter was born. Business travel is especially stressful for families with Young children. The separation can be painful for both generations. Yet recent studies show that Many children adapt to these separations More easily than parents might believe. The studies also provide insight into ways parents and children can revive their relationship after the trip.  the first separation is extremely distressing the children adapt Over time Quot said or. Tiffany a Field a professor of paediatrics psychology and psychiatry at the University of Miami medical school. She has studied How children Between 1 and 5 years old reacted when a Parent was away on  children appeared to be depressed during their first separation. They developed sleep disturbances played alone or in less mature ways or Clung to their teachers. Toilet trained children sometimes started wetting their Beds again. Field also found an increase in respiratory infections among the children which she attributed to the effects of depression on the immune system a these problems diminished however As the children gained More experience with their parents business trips. Quot by the third separation there was essentially no readers action Lin complaints about Vendor at Torrejon a i have been unsuccessfully attempting to recover Money paid to a Vendor doing business at Torrejon air base for goods that were never shipped. The Vendor Beefeater China shop had concessions on several Safe installations and is no longer in business. After pursuing this matter for several years i have recently been informed that claims stemming from transactions with Beefeater China shop at locations other than Torrejon a have been paid by Safe. Naf no appropriated fund personnel at Torrejon have advised me that a Quot hold harmless Quot clause was in effect thereby relieving Torrejon a of any responsibility  the Vendor s actions in the event of default by the Vendor. I have three questions 1. Why was the Vendor allowed to operate within the confines of the officers club at Torrejon a without posting a performance or Security Bond 2. Why were personnel at Torrejon a not informed of the presence of the Quot hold harmless Quot contract clause which gave the Vendor the latitude to operate in a manner that would and did in feet allow them to Quot Fly by night Quot 3. Since a precedent of paying claims has been established at other Safe installations when can i and the other individuals who suffered a financial loss at Torrejon expect to hear something positive regarding this situation a Peter l. Hatfield  Germany a Roger a. Davis chief of marketing and Community business activities directorate morale welfare and recreation he Safe replies effect on the children s Behy Vior Quot Field said. Nevertheless there was a wide variation in How children handled their first few overnight separations. Quot some of those differences appear to be genetic Quot said or. Frederic j. Medway a professor of psychology at the University of South Carolina in Columbia. Quot it also looks like children who have difficulty with Early separations Are More Likely to have trouble with later separations As Well such As going off to  Medway found that even though parents often think of the separation As beginning when they say goodbye they begin to distance themselves emotionally from their children several Days before their departure As they become preoccupied with the trip. This distance which parents May not be aware of can a be distressing to Young children who pick up Subtle changes in the parents behaviour. They May worry that they have done something wrong or wonder if the Parent will Ever come Back. Quot sometimes children who feel anxious about the separation will create a crisis while the Parent is gone As a Way of drawing that Parent Back Quot said or. Pieter Leroux a clinical psychologist and the director of the family and marriage clinic at the University of Rochester medical Center. A much of the child a distress can be alleviated by talking about the business trip before you leave and by spending extra time with the child soon after you return. Tips for parents child a anxiety about a Parent s business trip can be eased in several ways a develop rituals around your departure and return. These May be As simple As plotting your route together on a map or a Globe or having Strawberry ice Cream the evening before you leave. These rituals help a child remember that you will come Back. Have your spouse maintain the family a daily rituals. When one Parent is away try not to change when and where the family eats and what the children do during the Day. One study compared children who continued to attend their regular preschool with others who because of transportation problems stayed at Home while a Parent was away on business. Quot those children who stayed at Home took a longer time to recuperate emotionally and physically from the separation Quot said or Tiffany m. Field a professor of paediatrics psychology and psychiatry at the University of Miami medical school. The terms of a concessionaire contract make it the concessionaire s sole responsibility to resolve All customer complaints claims and refunds at the concessionaires expense. Termination of the contract does not release the concessionaire from the obligation to satisfactorily Settle customer complaints and claims. Base mar divisions Are under no obligation to reimburse customers on claims however in this Case we have encouraged bases to pay pending claims to the customer. We have spoken with  of mar 16th air Force and he has assured us that you will receive a refund by contacting Tibor waldner chief mar at Torrejon Asp Dan 723-5569. We regret the inconvenience and delay you incurred in processing this claim. It change of status and furniture shipment of i moved to Germany in March 1990 on a single unaccompanied tour. In March of this year i went Back to the states and got married. Upon returning to Germany i requested a change of tour so i could bring my family wife and child Over. When i initiated the change of tour to Quot with dependents Quot i was told by my unit Pac personnel actions clerk that my household goods could be shipped Here when my wife a orders were sent. Now the transportation office is telling me that since i originally came Over As a private first class on a single tour my wife will not be authorized to ship anything Here. Seeing that i have a household full of furniture in temporary storage i find this very upsetting. Also since my tour and situation has changed Why Are they holding me to the original pcs permanent change of station give your children permission to enjoy themselves while you re gone. Some children worry that if they have a Good time while you Are gone you won t come Home. Let them know that it is of for them to miss you but that they do not have to miss you All the time. Record a few of your child a favorite songs or bedtime stories on tape. The advantages of these recordings go beyond the. Obvious. They give a child symbolic control of your presence. If a child is lonely and needs to hear More of your voice for reassurance the tape can simply be rewound and replayed. Bring something Back for your child. It need not be expensive. In fact Many Young children love the promotional postcards hotels give their guests since it allows them to see where the Parent was staying plan to spend some time with your children within a Day of your return. Young children will often crave an extra amount of attention and cuddling immediately. Orders had i known this i would have never changed my tour. Spec. Vincent Mitchell Baum older Germany be sgt. 1 St class f. Jones office of the Deputy chief of staff logistics has Usa eur replies the following information is provided to help clarify Why you can to ship your household goods to Usa eur. Regretfully your unit Pac misinformed you on your entitlements to ship household goods when your tour changed to Quot with  All of your entitlements to ship household goods depend on the effective Date of your orders assigning you to Usa eur. Since you did not have any family members when you came to Usa eur you Are Only entitled to ship household goods based on the status and rank you held when you came to Usa eur. When you Deros Date of return from overseas Back to conus Continental United state you May ship household goods based upon your current marital status and tour length. You still can ship household goods to Usa eur however you will be subject to excess Cost since you were Only entitled to ship a total of 650 pounds on the effective Date of your orders. To write us readers action line is the readers Quot court of last resort Quot striving to answer some of the questions about life overseas in a military environment or quest bus about policies and guidelines when other avenues for answers Are not readily available. If you have a question and Don t know where to turn for the answer write to readers action line co the stars and stripes Apo 09211-4211. All letters must be signed and preference will be Given to those seeking information of general interest to our readers. To e e l it i a it 11 i to 30 it a Page 16 a the stars and stripes monday August 19, 1991