European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 27, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Toilet training takes a Back seat for tots nowadays miss m \ \ \ iks Erma Bombeck Universal press Syndicate is it my imagination or arc the babies doing the diaper commercials getting older 1 saw one the other Day that spoke lines and looked old enough to prepare its own formula. If this is True things sure have changed. A couple of years ago the push to get your child toilet trained made the arms race took As if it were standing still. We went right from seeing a Newborn and observing Quot How much docs he weigh Quot to a is he trained yet a there was nothing in Between. No matter what your child did it was nothing if lie did t remain dry All night. I had a kid who could get a Bell out of a 3-Inch-thick rubber Ball in 15 seconds. So what. He could move a sofa 35 times his weight to get to an oreo cookie buried in a shag carpet. Big Deal. He could fill up an entire grocery cart from the scat using Only his feet. That s nothing. He had kidneys the size of lint. We needed someone like Yogi Berra to give us one of his truisms such As a a they re ready when they re ready a but it Wasny to there. Instead we pressured ourselves by setting our kids on the throne for Days at a time and describing1 the water scenes from deliverance. We threatened them with a Hole in their bicycle seat and with putting a plastic liner in their Tux at the prom. Some of us bought 53 pairs of training pants and lied to ourselves. My kids spent so much Lime in the bathroom they thought the sky had a Light  an exhaust fan in it. Why did we try so hard because it reflected on us As mothers. Toilet training was a team Effort. We coached and they won or lost the game its possible that the mothers of today arc bored with a child a plumbing. Or maybe they have More important things to do and think about. The pressure is still there. It s just a different kind. Can they prop up their 2-year-old in front of a computer terminal and have him push the right Button can he amuse himself for a whole Day with a Roll of toilet paper does he remember his sprint code number before he starts to school can he adjust the color on a Vid Cocus Sette recorder toilet training just Isnit a priority of child rearing anymore. That much is reflected in the diapers. They hold More every Day. They absorb More with each month. They fit tighter every year and come in larger sizes with every decade. Where does that leave me eaten up with bitterness and an old bicycle with a Hole in the seat in the  Judith Martin United feature Syndicate dear miss manners my problem concerns a couple i know. His parents dislike her and he dislikes her parents. Since they still live at Home they have no place to Sec each other. It started out by my asking her to hous sit while i was out of town. I thought that would give them time together without All the hassles. Ever since they have been Over too Many times always unannounced without bothering to knt cd and often at dinner time a when they expect to be fed. I done to mind friends popping in at times but every night a and i do mean every night a has become too much. I feel that the parents of this couple aware that their adult children do not cat dinner at Home should say something to the effect that they should not be pests. Also the couple themselves being Over the age of 20, should know better than to Force their presence on non relatives. Is there a courteous Way of telling them their visits arc not always Welcome i do not want to offend them but i realize 1 May have to do so to get this to Stop. I know of another couple on whom they descended. That couple just reacted with rudeness to get rid of them. How sad that it had to come to that. Gentle Reader who arc these two Romeo and Juliet Why do two people Over the age of 20 have to be offered shelter from their parents and Why do those who made the Effort to thwart parental disapproval then complain that the parents Arentt supervising their manners never mind. Doubtless you meant Well in encouraging Young lovers and miss manners does no to blame you for being surprised that it turned out to be your company that they loved. There is no excuse for treating guests rudely even uninvited guests but on the other hand one does no to have to let them into the House. A pleasant conversation on the Doorstep should rapidly proceed from a How Nice to Sec you to a a in a afraid we re not receiving company tonight. Some other time if you a like to Call and Check wed love to Sec you when we re  dear miss manners a Friend who prides herself on serving food attractively and using the Correct silverware served us Apple Pic a la Mode for dessert. She had placed a dessert spoon above the dinner plate a the Only piece of silverware left on the table when the main course and salad plates were removed. Some of us prefer eating pie with a Fork not a dessert spoon although the spoon was Fine for the inc Cream. What is the Correct silverware for Pic a la Mode gentle Reader although miss manners sides with you she sympathizes with your Friend a at least to the extent of understanding what Hap pc cd. Her compassion Lor someone who does no to give people the proper tools with which to cat their food is limited. This hostess was using the Correct silverware just not enough of it dessert service properly consists of both a dessert spoon larger than a Teaspoon and a Fork. These should be put out even when the dessert requires Only one but pie with ice Cream on it is a classic example of a dessert for which both arc needed. What miss manners also realizes is that the reason your Friend did no to have dessert Forks at hand was that she used them As salad Forks and As she had just served the salad they were dirty. We can tall afford separate salad and dessert Forks or enough of either to go around the table twice. But our guests can afford to wait just one minute while we rinse off the Forks and bring them Back on the dessert plates along with the dessert spoons. 11 it k s in s Scorpio oct. 23-nov. 21 discuss your Hopes and wishes with others. Friends can help you achieve your goals. Sagittarius nov. 22-dec. 20 discover your hidden strengths and utilize those talents to gain Success in your career. Capricorn dec. 21-Jan. 19 you May be focusing on travel but wait a month to plan. Look at the philosophical Side of life. Aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 it s a Good Day to share your knowledge and resources with other people. You will gain from the experience. Pisces feb. 19-March 20 time to expand your appreciation of the arts. It May give you insight into other areas of your life. Aries March 21-april 19 work is on the forefront focus on keeping balanced. Plan fun activities for the evenings. Taurus april 20-May 20 spark some Romance into your old relationship. Surprise your mate with a night on the town. Take some risks. Gemini May 21-june 20 you May need to readjust your plans in achieving goals at work. Done to let them interfere with your Domestic life. Cancer june 21-july 22 communication is at a High. Now is the time to present new ideas. Take an interesting class. Leo july 23-aug. 22 shop for things that will improve your image or your Home. Resist going overboard. Virgo aug. 23-sept. 22. You Are More emotional than usual however you also have intensified willpower its a Good time for self improvement. Libra sept. 23-oct. 22 focus is on privacy and introspection. Take the time to look at your values and listen to your dreams Copley news service Page 10 a sunday october 27, 1991