European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 27, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Joe Bob goes to the drive in Man does Blyus masculine move need ironing out you know whom i m already sick of Robert Quot Tom Tom Bly. What did that take about two minutes sorry to keep ragging on this Guy. Actually that a a lie. In a Happy to rag on this Guy but if i see another pathetic Weenie sitting in a waiting room Reading Iron John and figuring out How he can become More Manly in a Gonna puke All Over this Guy s Wispy White hair. You think the feminist movement was obnoxious you done to know what you re talking about till you take some frustrated Pas with Quot or. Peepers glasses out in the Woods and give Mem Battle axes and lances to play with. For some idea though you might compare vice president George a the wimp Bush skulking around the White House like Eddie Haskell trying to score a free cookie to the present a Iron George a who started the first wild Man weekend in Iraq lemme give you some advice Bobby Bly. In Texas every weekend is wild Man weekend especially in the bars on Harry Hines Boulevard. We have wives that car Pool to the jail on monday morning. So Here arc ways you could save a whole Heck of a lot of time. 1. Bobby says he wants to a bring the Interior Warrior Back to we already do this in Texas. The ritual begins with the following words a get your hands off my do you understand the Power of this one concept this single ritual chant the effects of it can sometimes last 35 years in Huntsville state prison. That show powerful it is Legal tender s Robert i. Finally there s this drum thing. A the to Tom honors the body As opposed to the says Bobby. We have a better Way to Honor the body. They re called topless bars. Speaking of testosterone the film debut we Veall been waiting for is finally Here. Morton Downeyjr. Is a sle Zoid. Coke dealing. Hot tubing Texas savings and loan executive in the movie that makes you Long for the return of his talk show a Legal tender. In Morton a bit scene he bugs out his eyes and rams an 18-Iricti meat Cleaver through his Henchman a heart three times once a because 1 love the plot is something about How Tanya Roberts owns a Little bar in Venice Calif., with a poker room in Back but she a behind on her payments so she has to go to the to kist a amp a in town and put up her sleek Bod As collateral. Actually when it gets Down to the nitty Gritty in Robert Davis bedroom its a stunt body. Whatever happened to honest nudity in the movies Davi is making his 97th film appearance this season a slowing Down from last years Pace a and this time he san sex cop turned private Eye who a trying to figure out Why everybody who works in Tanya a bar is turning up with multiple Stab wounds in the stomach. Answer Morton a thugs arc trying to find a computer disk. On the disk arc listed such accounting categories As a illegal activities a a skimming customer s funds and a cocaine to sum it All up seven dead bodies. Ten breasts. Two stunt breasts. Two gun Battles. One motor vehicle Chase with crash. Cheating at poker. No Kung fun Plain old fashioned fist fights. Junkie fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Wendy Macdonald for getting spanked by Morton Downeyjr. And saying Quot she a Gonna be the next Bounce on your King size posture medic Isnit she a Maria Rangel As the Pool playing barmaid for saying Quot you Good at any other sports a Roberts As the poker dealing bar owner for saying a that Bitch treated me like a used pair of panty Hose at a a raptors Syndicate Davi Tanya Roberts. 2. Bobby says we must learn to a ride the red the White and the Black we already do this too. When we re Young we learn to drive a Ford pickup. When we re older we save our Money till we can get a Chevy pickup with air conditioning and stereo. Finally after we get married for the third time All we can afford is a Toyota pickup. 3. Bobby recommends going out in the Woods for three Days to Quot find your wild we can do this in three hours its called 4. Bobby says Quot you cannot become a Man until your own father we done to like to wait that Long in Texas. The Way it works is your old Man whales the tar out of you for the first 15,16 years of your life until you get that first big growth spurt. Then one Day you Wake up and find out you can beat the crap out of him. You Only have to do it one time and they give you a Drivers License. A a 5. Bobby says a Many a goal should be a a kindliness. We do this too. There a one right that no Man in his own Home will Ever give up the right to Possession of the to Remote control at All times. Well divorce any woman who challenges us on this. Swap meet and Downey for the Teeth alone. Two and half stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless communist Alert the Columbus neb drive in theater was knocked Down by the drive in a biggest enemy for the past 15 years Wal Mart stores. The drive in was famous because during the �?T60s, the screen blew Down in a Tornado while gone with the wind was playing. Chad plam Beck of Hastings neb., warns that with Only one drive in remaining in Nebraska a the big red state has become the big red state a a Karen bless in a Columbus native living in Dallas reminds us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Dear Joe Bob i happened across a really great movie last night and thought of you Bood diner 1987. Lots of bouncing breasts gratuitous inward ripping. Stalactite fun. Deep Fryer fun. Eyeball popping grave digging Bare Butts projectile vomiting. You have to love it. If you Haven to already Check it out. Barbara Rah san Rafael Calif. Joe Bob Briggs creators Syndicate dear Barbara. When people in Mami county Start doing my Job 1 know civilization is near its end. Dear Joe Bob what was the dog in k-9? lie was such a better actor than Jiin Belushi. And How did the movie end 1 could t Bear to finish watching it. But id be user if he removed Belushi a jugular and i missed it. Philbert san Antonio dear Philbert you la be Happy to know that the dog ran dump truck and was mashed into Novelty carpet. Dear Joe Bob help me. In a lost. Ever since i left god s country. I can to seem to find the Quality movies you say a Check it out to. Why just last week when i went Down to our local communist video rental store and asked Lor oversexed rugs ekers from Mars they told me to stand on a Corner in Providence wave a $20 Bill around and id see one or two. And 1 did. But its just not the same intestine ripping lace erasing school bus crashing one breast showing Green Lizard video game playing nuclear slime monster Low budget sleaze entertainment in be grown to love. Please help me. Joe Boh. You re my Only Hope penniless in Providence Providence . Dear penniless oversexed rugs ekers from Mars in i out on video yet but it is owned by Vista Street entertainment. 9911 w. Pico blvd., Penthouse a los Angeles Ca 90035. They re trying to figure out which planet to sell it on first. Dear Joe Bob we were really impressed with your column on abortion. It seems to me that a couple of National columnists have made the same Point anti abortion activists should be required to adopt unwanted children but no one has done it so compellingly and hilariously. Wed like to shake your hand if you re in the neighbourhood please drop by our Midtown Center. Sincerely Sandy Patzman communications coordinator planned parenthood of greater Kansas City Kansas City to. Dear Sandy i done to even say they have to do the whole Job. Id be satisfied if it were just a requirement to belong to one of the anti abortion organizations. Adopt one kid and you can get in say whatever you want. Otherwise you re just another Loudmouth. To discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob of to get tree junk in the mail and Joe Bob s world famous we Are the weird newsletter write Joe Bob p o to 2002. Dallas to 75221 or a him at 214-368-2310october 27. 1991 sunday Page 17
