European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 30, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 20 the stars and stripes monday november 30, 1992 parents avoided for Good reason today s crossword dear Ann Landers you asked Why children would ignore an 84-year-old Parent who says a i did my  Well Here s Why i ignore my 84-Ycar-old rather. When i was 12, my father decided the family should move to a nicer House 50 Miles from his Job. The move was an expensive one and mom had to go to work. Dad bought a new car for commuting while mom walked a mile to the bus Stop. Dad spent his weekends at the track playing the horses. If one of us was sick that was mom s responsibility. If the plumbing broke it was our fault. My Sisters and i worked our Way through College. Dad never gave us a dime. Mom got cancer a few years after dad retired and everything that needed doing fell on me. He never lifted a Finger. When mom died he found himself a Girlfriend bought a new car and had no time for our phone Calls. The last time i called and asked a what Nave you been doing lately Quot he replied a a that a none of your  this Christmas we wont worry that dad is alone because he has a new car and a Girlfriend and lots of stories to Tell about How Rotten his daughters Are. Carol in Calif. Dear Carol the mall on this subject has been depressing. So Many family members Are at each others throats and have no interest in making amends. Read on this is Why one child me wants nothing to do with my 84-year-old Parent. You asked a How is this possible a we see Mother twice a year. The woman is a hypochondriac a whiner a congenital Pessimist an inveterate nitpicker a habitual corrector a gossip Pushy critical outrageously demanding controlling and manipulative. She is totally self cantered and never did one Damn thing for us kids. My father who lived with her for 52 years was a Saint. Richmond a from Kansas City to you can to understand Why a child would ignore an 84-year-old Parent. Maybe i can explain by telling you what my father is like. He came from a family with Money and snubbed my mothers people who were of modest Means but much finer than his clan a a Bunch of drunks. He was very hard on us kids and would Knock us around for the slightest infraction. Once i became incensed at the Way he beat my 11-Ycar-old brother because he had stayed at the Library until it was dark outside. He began to hit him with his fists and  Stop even though my brother a nose was bleeding and he could barely stand up. 1 stepped in and gave my father a sock on the jaw that sent him reeling. He never Laid a hand on any of us after that. Today none of his sons has anything to do with him. We figure he has earned his loneliness. Los Angeles my Mother who is now 81, was always so partial to my older sister it was humiliating. She would say in front of people a poor a Len orc me is going to have a hard time in life because a Jeanette my sister is so  i grew up feeling ugly and unwanted. It took much prettier. We will probably have to buy Lenore a Eling ugly years of therapy to rebuild my self esteem. 1 have forgiven my Mother but i no longer see her. The pain of the past is too intense. I Hope one Day 1 can handle it but for now its More than i can Bear. Letters to Ann Landers should by it addressed to her at . Bore 11562, Chicago. In. 60611-0562. C creators Syndicate woman needs education on herpes dear Abby when i read the letter from a sinned and sorry a i had to write. I can identify with her particularly with regard to the possible a Section due to her genital herpes. A when i met my husband 10 years ago i knew he would be the father of my children. We now have three a All born naturally a even though 1, Loo was faced with the possibility of a a Section because i have genital herpes. A sinned and sorry should educate herself on her condition. She should know that even though herpes is incurable it is manageable. She should Tell her husband she has genital herpes. I realized Early in our relationship that we would have a special life together and 1 did t want anything to ruin it so 1 told him the truth regarding my condition. It was a tremendous Relief. He appreciated my courage and honesty and Wasny to vindictive although i know he was disappointed. Since then our marriage has been Normal and healthy and with meticulous Hygiene on my part my husband is virus free what a sinned and sorry does not need right now is the added stress of keeping her secret. It wont help her pregnancy or the herpes. Finally she needs to forgive herself for her previous promiscuity. She a paid her dues. Soul searching with a Counselor will no doubt reveal a sensitive and Loving woman who needs to give love and be loved in a Strong family environment Complete with children. No name or City please. Just sign me been there dear been there my mail has been running 505,0 concerning whether or not to Tell her spouse. I too feel that she should not hide the truth from him. You raise an excellent Point she should educate herself about the disease. For reliable information on sexually transmitted diseases write to the american social health association . Box 13827, research Triangle Park . 29940. Lot tors Lor ills column should to addressed to Doar Abby at . Box 447. Mount Morns Iii. 61054. 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