European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 21, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Thursday april 21, 1994 commentary the stars and stripes Page 17 trying to Reg Tom Raum the siege of Gorade is a dramatic example of the West s inability to end bloodshed in the former Yugoslavia. Just a month ago the Linton administration and nato were hailed for Sav ing , the War has flared anew. This has not been a great weekend for the peace Effort in Bosnia presi Dent Clinton said monday with Clas sic understatement his words were spoken As the Muslim enclave of Gorade was being bombarded again by the . Officials conceded there seemed Little nato could do to Stop the rout. By ruling out a More forceful military Effort the allies added to the appearance of indecisiveness and paralysis that has marked Bosnia policy from the outset. If you have a magic Bullet Call us White House National Security adviser Anthony Lake told reporters his tone indicative of the Clinton administration s predicament. The United states is not bargain ing from a position of strength either in terms of forcing a peaceful settlement on the bosnian serbs or in finding consensus among its european allies on How to proceed. " Bosnia is not Iraq. And the kind of massive air bombardment that Humble Baghdad during the Gulf War does not apply in  former Yugoslavia s difficult Ter rain Lack of Clear Cut targets and Man rival ethnic factions have frustrated out Side forces before. And there is Little evidence of pub Lic support either among europeans or americans for massive military intervention that might make a difference. Even a Long espoused . Proposal trend the arms embargo so bosnian muslims can better defend themselves an idea re Vived by the White House on monday As a viable option is seen by its principal advocate As of Only limited Promise. I Don t want to have a wider War Clin ton said. I think even if you lifted the arms embargo and you had a lot of other people fighting and killing in the end there would not be a decisive Victory for either Side in the War. There s going to have to be a negotiated  the United states and its West Ern allies had hoped last week s limited air strikes would persuade the serbs to Back off their attack on the Safe Haven and bring that negotiated settlement closer to , while yielding to Western de mands to pull Back last month from the bosnian Muslim held capital of Sarajevo the serbs clearly were of no mind to dose in Gorad rejecting even appeals from their traditional allies the russians to halt their attack. Allied efforts to use at least a modes amount of air Power were hindered by technical problems and poor weather. A British Jet was shot Down by the serbs on saturday. This is not Sarajevo. Sarajevo was a special Case Clinton said a Little testily in seeking to explain Why an ultimatum worked in one place but not in another.,. Or a. A a we can Only do what we have the authority to do he said in a retort to critics. But the decision to Back away from More forceful military action Only served to fuel criticism of Clinton s policy. Somebody needs a game plan the world is looking for the president of the United states to provide one said  Lugar senior Republican on the Senate foreign relations committee arguing that the allies need to act More aggressively in Bosnia. Even democratic rep. Lee Hamilton of Indiana chairman of the House for eign affairs Corn Mittee wants More aggressive enforcement of the . Resolutions in Bosnia. I think we have to step up and make More effective what we be been trying to do through the  and through nato. I Don t think we can tolerate the kind factions we be had by the serbs in recent Days said Hamilton. The administration talked about reclaiming the momentum of the ear Lier serb pullback from Sarajevo and the agreement of cooperation Between the bosnian government and the croats. But it was hard to find much Momen Tum when things were either standing still or moving backward. C the associated Pross Ridge is More i a one of the remarkable if Seldom remarked benefits of marriage is that it makes Kinsmen out of strangers. It unites kingdoms settles wars links Cul Tures and builds relationships that Are All but impossible without  s a thought that occurs to me when i think of family of the vast diversity of individuals who have be come special to me because they marry a relative of mine. Suddenly our educational and cultural differences shrink to insignificance. They have a Call on my resources and i on theirs not because of any special deserved Ness but because they Are family. Even rela Tives of these new relatives become special through the sacrament of  w. Murray an anthropologist says that what i have experienced in my own life is a phenomenon that cuts across cultures across time and across geography. But he says something else that the decline of marriage in America be tokens impending  differ in Many ways but All societies that survive Are built on marriage he writes in the spring1994 Issue of policy review. Marriage is a society s cultural infrastructure its Bridges of social connected Ness. The history of human society shows that when people Stop marrying their continuity As a culture is in  s piece is titled poor suffering Bas tards not to be gratuitously mean but to make Point. The out of Wedlock child has throughout history been a luckless child with no claim on his father or his father s family and with no responsibility to them. That says Murray is the reason the word Bas Tard has come to denote someone who is heartless or cruel or a cheat. The Man with no relatives to be shamed by his Dishonour has fewer constraints against dishonourable  the extent that the treatment of illegitimate children is a matter of attitude it can be solved merely by deciding to be Kinder. That in fact is what we be done for a generation. Any number of social policies have been altered in the name of kindness. We no longer kick pregnant girls out of school or require them to beg for read pittance to Church. We have abandoned the term Bastard except in its derivative sense and refuse even to describe Chil Dren born out of Wedlock As  we Don t want to stigmatize them for reasons utterly beyond their control. Murray s Point though " " is that attitude is Only a part of it. Children of people who have married into my family have a claim on me that other perhaps More deserving children simply do not have. Helping family is different from Charity. Or As Murray who taught at Brandeis in Waltham mass. Before becoming a Bradley scholar at the heritage foundation puts it f marriage is the act of creating formal Kinsmen whore bound to help us and the ceremony of marrying it William Raspberry self helps to create in us moral sentiments of commit ment and formal responsibility. The absence of marriage is not Only a major reason Why single parents Are found so often in poverty but Why their children so often become solitary victims and victimize is it s easy enough to Point to fatherless children who far from being victims or victimize is have become important contributors to society. It is also True that the victimization and victimizing Are often a byproduct of stigma Tim. Still marriage and legitimacy matter in ways that we hardly think of until Murray Points them out. Married couples far More than single parents can count on their own parents and grandparents for economic backup As a source for instance of car notes or House Loans. Or this having a car helps in finding and keep ing a Job but Only 18 percent of the inner City under class have Access to one. People with Kin networks Branch out and find support from relatives who lend repair or help buy an automobile. The married having More relatives gain better Access to transportation and Are More Likely to have steady  it simply in t True As some insist that that Little piece of paper does t make any  it makes a tremendous difference. Marriage matters and so does the fact that we Are forgetting How much it matters. Cwashington Post