European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 11, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                On the family Isno piece of cake for modern Man by Dan Shaw the new York times i n sleepless in Seattle Tom Hanks character a widower in his 30s who has t been on a Date for 15 years asks a Friend for advice. Quot a just want to know what it s like out there Quot he says. Quot that s what i m trying to Tell you what Omena re looking for a pecs and a cute butt Quot says his Friend played by Rob Reiner. Quot you can t even turn on the news nowadays without hearing about How some babe thought some Guy s butt was cute. Who the Fust woman to say this was i Don t know b it somehow it caught  it certainly has. Both women and men Are paying attention to How men look As never before. From the Bare chested studs on Melrose place and billboards of the Model Michael Bergin in Calvin Klein underwear to the sinewy Rock stars on mtg and the football coaches who Hawk Ultra slim fast diet shakes on television the image of modern masculinity is changing and Well defined musculature seems to be a requirement. While women complain that they can t be As thin As the current Waif models men Are grumbling that they can t be As buffed and Beefy As Marky Mark modelling his underwear. The emphasis on appearance has made men feel newly vulnerable about their looks with increasing n Umbers of men picking up tips from magazines showing of at department store cosmetics counters and heading for plastic surgeons offices. In Short they Are beginning to feel and act just like body conscious women. Men s health a 5-year-old Magazine whose circulation has jumped from 800,000 to 1.2 million in the last year is catering to this growing Market unlike cd Esquire and details with their self consciously hip urbanity men s health resembles nothing so much As an Earnest women s supermarket Magazine. Quot do it better 101 ways to get smarter stronger Richer Calmer and cooler Quot reads the cover of the May Issue. Other articles include the one Vitamin every Man needs Best exercises to lose weight and stay focused How to blow off the 10 worst male stressor. Michael Lafavore 42, the executive editor of men s health is proud of his los angelas Tolmoi muscular men who look Good in their underwear Are the Model for Many body conscious male of who Are seeking outside help to attain their  lines. Quot that s our secret Quot he said. Quot we dare to do that. We know what Guys care about a their sex lives their potbellied How to get More Energy. That s what they respond to on a visceral  health is not necessarily the readers prime concern Quot men Are terrifically vain Quot Lafavore said. Quot there is not much evidence throughout history that men Aren t vain. In other times we wore powdered wigs and knee britches. Men care How they look at the Beach. That s supposedly women s territory but i be seen Guys at the Beach cover themselves with to shirts and towels to hide their bodies. Most Guys feel no better about being out of shape than women  if a Man is out of shape according to the current ethos he has Only himself to blame. Quot this could be your body Quot reads the Type running Over a male Model s body in an and for the sol flex Home workout machine. Others Are even blunter. Quot no pecs no sex Quot reads an advertisement for the trendy David Barton cym in Manhattan. Quot my motto is not be health put s look better naked Quot Barton said. When exercising dieting and body waxing do not produce the desired results there is always plastic surgery. According to the american Academy of facial plastic and reconstructive surgery men now account for 28 percent of facial plastic surgery up from 15 percent 10 years ago. Quot the men i see Are Ira pretty Good shape already Quot said or. Helen Colon a. Manhattan plastic surgeon who said Many of her male patients Are getting liposuction for their love handles. Quot Only when your Chest is muscular do you see this tire around the  but ironically some men who try too hard to develop great pecs so they can have great sex May end up Rui Ning thei r sex lives. Quot we re seeing More eating d  in men and More cases of compulsive exercising Quot said or. Kelly Brownell a professor of psychology at Yale University whose specially is eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia. Quot when men have an eating disorder they have it just like women Quot said or. James b. Wirth the director of the eating and weight disorders program at the Johns Hopkins University school of Medicine in Baltimore. Quot they have the same intensity to lose weight and the same sense of body distortion. They of course Don t lose their menstrual Cycle but they do lose their sex drive. They Are much More preoccupied with muscle definition 0 a my husband is an attractive Man and i know that women Are out to get him especially some divorced secretaries who constantly flirt with him at work. In a raising our kids Here at Home and i have to admit that i worry about holding onto Dwight. I mean he comes Home and tells me what these women say and i can to believe it. How can i hang onto my husband i Twenty years ago your question would have seemed unnecessarily anxious and even a bit silly. But it makes plenty of sense today a the world has changed that much. There has always been Hanky Panky going on but never has it been so blatant. The solution is not to Quot hang onto Dwight. You must not build a Cage around him in an attempt to reduce your anxieties. Dwight must stay with you of his own free will a the same reason for which he married you in the first place. Love must be free even in a world of sexual intrigue and disloyalty. Perhaps it would be helpful for me to offer a couple of perspectives. First Dwight is primarily responsible for the insecurity you feel. He could allay your fears if he wished. Its a fairly simple task for a Man to let his wife know he is committed to her for life. Instead he regularly tells you about the sexy women who hang onto him and beg for his favors. Most instances of Quot Competition anxiety a among homemakers can to attributed to husbands like Dwight who subtly create insecurities in their wives. The male ego enjoys being desired by women a lots of women. That s Why a married Man will flirt with female employees even when he has no intention of being unfaithful. Furthermore he will Tell his wife about these admirers in order to gain Quot Power Quot in their relationship. Whether consciously or not he is sayings Quot you a better treat me right because there Are plenty of other women out there just waiting to got their hands on  at some Point in your conversation with Dwight these dynamics should be discussed. In a not suggesting that you Hammer him with accusations or complaints but an Opportunity May come to verbalize your feelings and put the matter of Competition in perspective. Before that conversation however i think you should look at a related Issue. The Way you stated your question implies that your self esteem is not too High. Why do i get the feeling that you see yourself As a lowly homemaker in a world of women lawyers and athletes and congresswoman is it possible that you feel fortunate to have Quot captured Quot your Good looking successful Man and wonder How Long the illusion will last these doubts will be reflected in your relationship with your husband. He will sense your fearfulness a and your unhealthy dependence on him. You must believe that you bring As much to the family As your husband does and not Only Are you fortunate to be married to Dwight but he a a pretty Lucky Guy too. Or. James c. Dobson to president of focus or the family an organisation dedicated to preserving the Homo  sex Judd to sent to turn at. Focus on the ,  to 444. Co Virado Springs. Colo. 80t>03. Saturday june 11,1994