European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 22, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 20 the stars and stripes monday August 22,1994 sex a with a lot of heavy petting today a crossword dear readers i am on vacation but i have left behind some of my favorite columns that you May have missed the first time around. I Hope you enjoy them. Ann Landers dear Ann Landers you printed a bit of comic material called a dog named sex and said a the author is i am the person who wrote it. Will you kindly acknowledge this in your column sincerely Morty storm Brooklyn . Dear Morty storm it is my pleasure to give credit where it is due. The piece was hilarious. I m sure spy readers who already have Stan it will enjoy it again those who Haven to arc in for a big laugh. Here it is a dog named sex everybody who has a dog Calls him Rover or boy. I Call mine sex. He a a great pal but he has caused me a great Deal of embarrassment. When i went to City Hall to renew his dog License i told the clerk i would like a License for sex he said a a in a like one too a then i said a but this is a he said he did no to care what she looked like. Then i said a you done to understand. In be had sex since i was 9 years he winked and said a you Ann Landers must have been quite a kid. When i got married and went on my honeymoon i took the dog with me. I told the Motel clerk that i wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for sex. A he said a you done to need a special room. As Long As you pay your Bill we done to care what you i said Quot look you done to seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at the clerk said a funny a i have the same one Day i entered sex in a contest but before the Competition began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me Why i was just standing there looking disappointed. I told him 1 had planned to have sex in the contest. He told me i should have sold my own tickets. A but you done to understand a i said a i had hoped to have sex on he said a now that Cable is All Over the place its no big Deal when my wife and i separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog 1 said a your Honor i had sex before i was the judge said a this courtroom Isnit a confessional. Stick to the Case then i told him that after i was married sex left me he said that a not unusual. It happens to a lot of people. A last night sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came Over to me and asked a what Are you doing in this Alley at 4 of clock in the morning a i told him that i was looking for sex. My Case comes up Friday. Letters to Ann Landers should be address of to her at . Box 11562, Chicago. 111.60611-0562. / c creators Syndicate a a a does Accident prone Man need help editors note dear Abby is Ona two week vacation. Following is a selection of some of her favorite past letters from the Early 1970s. Dear Abby my husband has had three serious accidents at work in the past two years. I have quit asking him to do chores around the House because he is always smashing his fingers with a Hammer cutting himself or falling off the ladder while changing the screens or storm windows. Its a Good year when he Hasni to had a couple of automobile accidents. The doctor at the Plant where he works suggested that he see a psychiatrist Why he Isnit crazy. A. A. His wife dear wife people who have More than their share of a a accidents could be subconsciously punishing themselves for unresolved guilt. And they need not be a a crazy to do so. I think the Plant doctor planted a very sound Sug Gostion in your husbands mind. Dear Abby dear Abby i have a problem that concerns my parents myself and music. I am 13 and i hate taking piano lessons. My parents know this but they Are forcing me to take lessons anyway. The lessons Are expensive and i Seldom. Practice which makes it a waste of Money right my Mother says i am so unpleasant at Home that i will have to continue taking piano lessons until my disposition improves will you please Tell me what is the Point of taking piano lessons when it is Only a waste of time and Money hates piano dear hates there Are two schools of thought on that. One even a child who a a hates music and must be nagged bribed and threatened to practice can to help but learn something about music which in your parents View is better than no musical education at All. The other school never Force music lessons on a child. He or she will Only grow to Bate music. My View music lessons Are like a vaccination. Its temporarily painful but if it takes its Worth it. Letters for this column should be addressed to dear Abby at . Box 447, mount Morris Iii. 61054. 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