European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 19, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Adoption groups split Over plan for National registry by Jennifer Dixon the associated press adopted As a Day old infant Linda Sargent Thompson has spent 20 years searching for her bin a birth Mother. She scans faces everywhere she goes looking for a resemblance that will bring her closer to the family that can make her feel Complete. For Many adopters and the parents who give them up a reunion is a heating experience. Until they find each other they say there s a Hole in their hearts. Quot knowing who your Brothers and Sisters Are who your birth parents Are is a Basic Basic human desire Quot said Bill Betzen administrator of Catholic counselling services in Dallas. Quot it goes right to the Core of being Congress came close to helping reunite the adult adopters birth parents and siblings who search for one another. The legislation which would have established a centralized National network to process requests for reunions died in the last Days of the session. A / a Quot a a a it a sponsored by sen. Carl Levin d-mien., and backed by the Clinton administration and numerous adoption organizations the registry ran into Sharp opposition from William Pierce president of the Washington based National Council for adoption which a represents 130 private adoption agencies. Pierce argued that Levin s registry was an intrusion by the Federal government into a state Issue arid raised questions about privacy rights. Levin however said Pierce s. Campaign against the Bill misstated what it would do and the resulting opposition wound up killing it during a House Senate conference. Quot Pierce has Flat out lied about my Bill. The word distorted is too weak a word for what he s done Quot Levin said. Quot it s inhumane to do what he s Pierce replied Quot i think it s certainly not accurate and 1 find it very disappointing. That kind of rhetoric does t have any place in civil discussions Between people who have different Points of View Quot Levin cites a 1991 document from Pierce s group that claimed the registry would Quot bankroll search groups and exr t to . Front Linda Sargent Thompson is looking for her birth parents a a the Type of search that a registry of adult adopters siblings and birth parents would Aid. Private investigators who Snoop and confront people who want to of left alone Quot Levin said his plan was Quot totally Mutual and totally Pierce argued that a National registry is not an appropriate Federal activity and that thousands of americans Quot want thei r privacy rights protected and Are particularly concerned about any Federal data Bank which could possibly All the research. Indicates that open records Are the. Direction we need to go for the Sake of children and adults in adoption secrets do not do anyone any Good. A Bill Betzen administrator of Catholic counselling services Lead to inappropriate disclosure of their private sensitive and he said that Levin s plan was too Yague and was unnecessary because 47 states already have a system for exchanging information. Pierce s tactics have been questioned before. Last fall pushed by complaints the state department wrote to 50 nations explaining that the National Council for adoption was not an official . Agency and that governments can work with whomever they chose in International adoptions. Some adopters birth parents and their advocates Are unhappy that the registry was not approved. And they Are angry with Pierce. David Hodgson a psychologist in Gaithersburg md., who counsels birth parents and adopters said Pierce s claims about the Levin Bill Are Quot totally inaccurate Dodgson is a birth Parent who searched for and found his daughter. Quot All the research indicates that open records Arete direction we need to go for the Sake of children and adults in adoption Quot added Betzen. Quot secrets do not do anyone any Susan Cox who was adopted from Korea at age 5 and then searched for her birth Mother at 40, said efforts to prevent reunions among consenting adults Are Quot shortsighted and Cox is the director of development for Holt International children s services in Eugene ore., an International adoption Agency that is a member of Pierce s organization. For Thompson who lives in North Augusta s.c., and turns 50 in december the search continues for her birth Mother and any relatives. She needs them she said Quot for medical reasons to get a sense of being a sense of place a until then she added Quot there s a part of you that s not James Dobson on the family q a my wife died when our children were 9,8 and 5. Can you offer some guidelines to explain death to them in John m. Mckinley who has been in the funeral business for More than 15 years gives several suggestions in a brochure titled if it happens to your child. He gave me permission to reprint some in response to your question a when a child like any other human being experiences a deeply painful toss a should be encouraged to cry until the need is gone. He should be comforted while the tears Are flowing but the words Quot done to cry Quot should be stricken from the language. A the child should be told the truth that death is final. Quot Mommy is on vacation Quot or Quot daddy has gone on a trip Quot Only adds to the confusion. It is hard to say never when you know it will make the tears flow harder but it is the kindest word in the Long run. It a a a child should not be unduly shielded from the physical appearance and fact of death. If a Parent Dies the child should be permitted to see the body so that with his own eyes he can see the changes. A if the child is very Young a say 2 to 5 or 6 a great care should be used in explaining death in terms that Are meaningful to adults but which May be very puzzling to children. For example to say that Quot Mommy has gone to heaven Quot May make perfect sense to a religiously bereaved father but it May leave a 5-year-old wondering Why Mommy has deserted him. At that answer Quot heaven Quot is simply a faraway place and he will not be Able to understand Why his Mother stays there instead of coming Home to care Tor him. A finally it helps if children Are allowed to retell stories that evoke vivid recollections of the one they lost. Such reminiscing does not renew or increase their sorrow. To the extent that it makes them free to remember the cause for sorrow is removed. Q much has been written about the Quot Macho Man Quot who is unable to reveal his True emotions and feelings. Do men have too tight a rein on their emotions a perhaps. It is important for men to be a and Able a to cry and love and Hope. My father who symbolized masculinity for me was a very tender Man who was not ashamed to weep. On the other hand there is danger in permitting emotions to Rule our minds. Feelings must not dominate rational judgment especially in a crisis nor should minor frustrations be allowed to produce depression and despair. Men and women must learn to ventilate feelings without yielding to the tyranny of fluctuating emotions or James c. Dobson is president of focus on the family an organization dedicated to preserving the Home. Correspondence should be sent to him at focus on the Fem Ify . Box 444, Colorado Springs Colo. 80903. A saturday november 19,1994 the stars and stripes 15
