European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - September 6, 1978, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 20 the stars and stripes wednesday september 6, 1978 by Leslie Bennetts new York times or millenniums poets have rhapsody sized Over it lovers have suffered Over it. And parents have blustered about it. Nobody however has Ever claimed completely to understand it. What is this thing called love wonders the song and at one time or another surely every individual has asked the same bemused question. Love s mysteries May have withstood the investigators of another Era but no longer. The ultimate bastion of human Caprice is now being assaulted by a Small but Resolute band of social scientists Bent on discovering its secrets and laying them out for All the world to examine. Chief among their number is or. Elaine Walster a University of Wisconsin psychology and sociology professor who has spent the last 15 years studying various aspects of interpersonal relations using techniques that Range from in depth interviews to Laboratory experiments Walster estimates she has seen Over 100,000 people. Passing through new York recently to talk about that which makes her world go round Walster explained her Choice of subject with a cheerful i m very Nosy and i like to live  not everyone shares Walster s enthusiasm for re search into human intimacy however. Sen. William Proxmire for example upon learning of an $84,000 National science foundation Grant to study the differences Between passionate love and compan donate love promptly awarded Walster and her col leagues his Golden fleece award for wasting the taxpayers Money. I object to this not Only because no one not even the National science foundation can argue that falling in love is a science said the senator. I m also against it because i Don t want an  such attacks have helped dry up funds for her work according to Walster who believes that coming up with some answers is important nonetheless. That added the 40-year-old psychologist is a View More Likely to be shared by women than men. It seems the women i talk to realize family relations Are incredibly important for a society said Walster new York times or. Elaine Walster has spent 15 years trying to answer what is this thing called love in cleaning out one of the boys closets the other Day i was knocked senseless by a Coconut with an Indian face painted on it. This was followed by an Avalanche which included an Alligator dressed up like a grand Parade Marshall a human Skull with a Raven perched on top that said have a Good Day a Snow and water paperweight showing the new York Skyline in which the water had evaporated a Beer Stein that played White Christmas when you lifted the lid and a Funky Light that flickered on and off and said Lite up Las  As i sifted through the rest backs catchers tote poles key rings and a blowfish that brought me into my first Contact with acupuncture i tried to imagine How apeman hours went into acquiring transporting and maintaining All these souvenirs. Then i saw it the Robinhood hat with a Feather from the Ionia state fair. It was 10 years ago. The family was in route to a at wits end by Erm Bombeck camping trip when we were attracted by the Ionia state fair. As we started to leave the grounds my son said could i buy this hat where they sew your name on it i shrugged Why not my husband said you Don need  i said it was Only $1.39. My husband said it was logic like mine that drove the european nations into bankruptcy and besides the kid would forget about the dumb hat in10 minutes. The kid cried All night Long keeping everyone  awoke the next morning with enough wrinkles to Plant crops. The kids were surly and my husband had Flat tire. I told him he d be punished for his cheapness and feel comfortable talking about love and sex and interpersonal relations. But i meet so Many men who say that sort of thing is silly and what does it have to do with the Gross National product nobody seems to get upset about doing studies about Why rats rim faster in the Middle third of the runway or about How Many polls on Jimmy Carter s popularity we be had. You would think there would be one poll that would ask Are you in love with your partner there Are a lot of people who go around thinking something s wrong with them because of what they Don t have. If there was Ever an area that needed research this is it to find out about marriage and what s realistic what it is reasonable to expect. It helps to know there Aren t Blissful people out there who Are so much happier than you Are because nearly everybody secretly thinks there Are. Everyone thinks someone else has it but we Haven t found those wonder Ful couples everybody has in  in the matter of companion ate versus passionate love for example would it not be easier for people to reconcile themselves to the waning of passion and perhaps stay out of the divorce court if they knew for sure that everyone else was in the same boat for according to Walster 6 to 30 months is the average duration of the kind of heart stopping i a about to faint romantic frenzy we All think of As being in  for most people intense passion started to Tail of after a couple of years although for some at the upper end of the continuum it was five or six years Walster reported. Obstacles to love moreover apparently provide powerful goad to passion in an extramarital affair where the partners Are denied unlimited Access to each other passion May last far longer than if they actually achieve the constant togetherness they May so Long for. Parental disapproval is another highly effective Spur it seems the Best Way for parents to break up a relation ship is evidently the time honoured admonition of advice columnists that they mind their own business. Active opposition is Likely to Boomerang which re called Walster with a smile is doubtless the reason she and her husband wed. Colleagues on a research project at Stanford University Elaine Hatfield and William Walster were just Good friends until he took her Home to meet his parents who immediately began to lobby against the Young woman because she came from different ethnic and religious background. The couple promptly got married and 17 years late they re still together As Well As collaborating on such works As their recent Book a new look at love a compendium of their own and other research. Although she described herself As an incurable romantic her husband said Walster feels quite comfortable with the companion ate love that with Luck and tender Loving care can replace a dwindling Pas Sion. And Walster has found rather to her amazement that fully half of her subjects actually prefer the stability of that quieter Friendship and affection to the wild Sturm und Drang of grand passion. Finally he gave in and said. Okay Well go Back and get the  the first officer cited us for an illegal left turn into the Fairgrounds. The next officer at the Gate said the fair was t open until noon and suggested we turn around and go out the same Way we had come in. In turning the trailer my husband scraped a tree that punctured our water tank in the trailer and eventually Cost $53 to Weld. We were forced to go into a nearby trailer Camp pay the fees wait until 11, pay admittance for the family to the grounds have lunch and get the hat. The other kid complained that since he got the hat they should get the Cane with the Bird on the end that chirped when you waved it around the car. The $1.39 hat Cost a total of $112.00.they misspelled his name. C 1978 Field enterprises inc