European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - September 24, 1978, Darmstadt, Hesse Sunday september 24, 1978 the stars and stripes Page 15 William Safire arrivals amp p6partures Kratz Galaxy fears an invasion of Outz f Long Long ago in a Galaxy far far away there existed a race of humanoids Ted by a family called Kratz. The head of the Kratz clan a Man named demo possessed a remarkable father image considering he was Only a Little Lorne Green Man. Paternally he guidelines the destinies of his two hand some sons the stodgy euro and the Studi Ous techno and his elitist daughter Aristo. The katzes had governed the human oids for sons it seemed occasionally turn ing the chore of running the government Over to "me-2-me-2," a Perky Little robot programmed to provide a change of face but not a change of Pace. The Kratz Empire grew and grew taxing and spending until it had Beneficent control of every Nook and cranny of the Galaxy. Then one Day before anybody could prepare for it the Happy Galaxy found it columns self invaded by the dread double digits. Silently insidiously the microscopic econ mods infested everything of value in the Kratz universe cosmic thoughts formerly a Colloid a dozen shuttled out to 10 colloids a dozen and the thoughts were smaller is a disgrace to the humanoid race said demo Kratz causing Dishar Moniou Ness. And incompatibility and it s not know who s causing it volunteered his snooty daughter Aristo. The double digits were sent to afflict us by our Arch enemy that Char asthmatic Media Wiz Garth exclaimed euro and techno shaking in unison. Which Means put in the Wise White haired demo we re under attack by the family that wants to take Over the Galaxy the Outz nodded Aristo curls Bob Bing. Here s my plan said euro. We set up a vast four phased organization to administer the double demo Shook his head. That did t even work for the Here s my plan said techno. We utilize the tax system to Reward or penalize the greedy producers or unions who get off it snorted Aristo we could t even sell that to the Moynih oids Only one person has the answer,"1 demo decided paternally. Ill ask her he said in a Quick match dissolve demo strode i into a murky intergalactic barroom peo pled by or hinged by a Motley Assort ment of brawling harpies hydras and monsters. Behind the bar under a sign that read the sauce be with you was an immense barmaid Elaine Battleaxe draft myrrh ordered Derno. That la be a thousand a thousand colloids for one Glass of f myrrh when your Galaxy has double digits retorted Battleaxe your Colloid Falls into a Black it s the work of Darth Garth demo the opinions expressed in the columns and cartoons on this Page represent those of the authors and Are in no Way to be considered As representing the views of the stars i and stripes or the United states government. Insisted. To fight him we be hired our own wheezing Media forget All that said the oracular bar maid drawing the sepia suds and knocking the head off a monster. The Media is not the message. Your enemy is within and if you Don t control him the Boutzes will come and take you mean yes. Your own son euro. Unless euro Kratz is Cut Down to size the double digits will drive your Galaxy into the hands of those Guys in the demo glanced Over with his eyes accustomed to the gloom he could make out the grizzly nucleus of the Outz. There were the no necked Jarvis Mon sters spawned in the mudslides at Gal Axy s Edge grunting cackling scratch ing their thick pack Scales with their Lawn signs. There were the fast swivelling Jerry Browns fawning on the larvae. There too in the Corner slightly apart from the roaring larvae were the High domed Kristol oids the obscure Wanniski and the curving gaffers backs aching from constantly checking the intellectual underpinning of the upsetting Jeff Ells and kempt Kratz recoiled in horror. Were these the waivers of the future would the humanoid Galaxy be seduced by the Outz and demand the expulsion of euro Kratz to end the plague of the double digits join us tuesday nov.7, when even the intergalactic bars Are closed for the be ginning of the answer on crash Clatter Zunk Battleaxe galactic c Mew York times William f. Buckley Yermia the new Pope and an old Issue in his captivating account in a new York Magazine of the events that led to the election of the new Pope Murray Kempton pauses to remark the ambiguity of the smoke signals sent up by the cardinals on the fateful sunday. For the event somebody or other had secured special chemicals to be heaped onto the fire one set giving up smoke Black As pitch the second smoke White As Snow. What came up As everyone knows was Piebald whitish Gray or Gray ish White irradiating ambiguity. The Church said Kempton has never been on safer ground than in its distrust of everything which raises the question of the new Pope and How to Deal with humane Vitae. Make no mistake about it that is what most people want. Not merely modernists qua modernists but others besides. Garry wills the columnist trained in theology puts it baldly the main Issue in the Cath Olic Church today is the ban on contraceptives. The weird thing is that Paul s View of natural Law reduced the sex act to its sin Gle animal aim procreation. What is at Issue is not sex but the unwillingness of the papacy to admit an error in philos that View is not to be dismissed merely because of wills advocacy of it. A Man who blames the cold War on Truman is not necessarily wrong about Thomas Jefferson or about humane Vitae. It is a historical fact that Pope Paul brought together theological experts to advise him in the matter that they consid ered it Over a great stretch of time that they arrived at a position that contraceptives did not defy the natural Law that the Pope overruled them and that the body of Catholic communicants use contraceptives. A corollary of that last is that there Are fewer thrust of aggiornamento is to bring the Church up to Date. But the Appeal of modernization is necessarily leavened by the caution one feels at being Over respond Sive to the seductions of modernity. That is what Murray Kempton is talking about. The sociologist and philosopher Michael Novak has written that the Church is never More splendid than when it stands athwart history. Malcolm Muggeridge celebrates humane Vitae not Only As philosophically sound but As a glorious prophylactic against the manic a equalization of the Cen Tury. And indeed the question should be is the doctrine right not is the doctrine popular a Church that submits to its communicants matters of Faith and doctrine As though they were proposed changes in the Constitution is practising democracy not religion. Appeals to god Are inappropriately framed when they ask that he change his nature. St. Thomas reminded us that god is omnipotent Only in the limited sense. He cannot repeal the Law of Contra diction. He cannot in a word deny him self. It is known about Pope John Paul that in the Days when the experts were consid ering modification in the Church s position on contraceptives he inclined toward Revi Sion. Not presumably because that was what Hugh Hefner wanted but because in Tensive study of the natural Law makes at least problematical the notion that sexual Union other than for procreative purposes is wrong. Already the Dogma was worn by attrition by for instance the Church s explicit Sanction of the rhythm method. Erik von Kuehnelt Leddin the distinguished austrian philosopher and commentator contends that there is nothing in Church doctrine that would argue against the con sumption of water even if it were established that it were in no Way nourishing and that the enunciation of this finding would in no Way interfere with the identification of gluttony As a Cardinal sin. The argument will persist in other words. The question is whether it will per Sist in such a Way As to catch the explicit attention of the new Pope. His recorded reaffirmation of humane Vitae ought not to be thought conclusive because that document permits several interpretations. Re suming the analogy it can be said that the principal purpose of and in that sense the highest end served by drinking water is to sustain human life. That is to say less than that to Drain from water that which is nourishing assuming such a thing were possible is sinful. The new Pope is not Likely to take up the matter soon. One Hopes that he will not either soon take the position that no further discussion of the subject will take place under his papacy. C Washington Star
