European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - June 20, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns 1 Down and around photo by Peter of giant chinese of thee we Hsing by John Windrow staff columnist so Lingling is going to Start taking Fertility i had feared it might come to since americans have had to contend with giant chinese pandas in their that is when the wily chinese communists gave this country two giant pandas As part of the worldwide communist conspiracy to make american newspapers look we fell for it and have been paying the for 13 weve had to read about Lingling and Hsing sings botched attempts at mating and Why it is important to increase the number of giant pandas in the world has never been satisfactorily if there were a giant Panda in your would you be trying to get More or trying to get rid of the one you already had think about in a hurry and not thinking As have allowed themselves to become saturated with giant Panda somewhere ran a giant Panda Story and every other newspaper in the nation came crashing along dispatching hordes of photographers and writers to the National zoo in they were All afraid of getting scooped on the Lingling no one stopped to should any sane person actually concern himself with the love life of giant chinese pandas As if it we rent enough to read about Ling Lings miscarriage and stillborn we have had to endure giant chinese Panda they Are not Beautiful or striking there not even a giant chinese Panda bears a marked resemblance to a bearded woman in a Raccoon wearing a Lone Ranger is that what i want to look at next to a Story about corruption in the defense Industry or War torn Beirut i would expect such photos in supermarket the ones that run headlines like lady do kidnapped by skinheads from Mars or Jackie o to wed Michael Jackson but Many otherwise sensible journals have been pandering Panda the last account i read said that Lingling was Only Only four years away from her Panicky Panda enthusiasts have decided to give her Fertility drugs in a desperate bid to bring on these things have a Way of backfiring As anyone who reads about Sext plets and sept plets Well i have a fear deep in my Bones that Lingling May give birth to a dozen or More pandas next it makes me feel like sticking my head in the nearest then we Are going to be exposed to an Avalanche of Media hype about the big birth and How president Reagan called up Lingling gynaecologist to offer his congratulations on the blessed needless to there will be Square Miles of baby Panda they will look like hairless puppies stuffed into striped socks wearing Lone Ranger the names will no doubt be fittingly insipid sing Din Dong and Samsam and a few will can will probably have live coverage of the funeral along with weeping masses crowding the sidewalks of the nations and the Damnable creatures have a lifespan of 20 newspapers will continue to cover them since they always have done if Only they were like too Small to photograph and very the ultimate will be when Prince Chuck and Princess i go to Washington to View the new till be bigger than the Royal speaking of they have much in common with giant chinese they dont but they live and for some unfathomable reason newspapers Are fascinated with if i could figure out Why we cover the i could probably explain the interest in the its probably going to make Reading about Pete roses Pursuit of to Cobbs record of hits riveting by even if the reds finish play june stripes Magazine