European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - November 1, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Habits of the heart charting the patterns of love by Daniel Goleman new York times changing aspects of love grow at Tiff Fererro rates and vary in their ability to endure. Commitment intimacy Page 14 time the stars and stripes researchers charting the course of love Are beginning to put some order into an Are that has Long been regarded As chaotic  emotional turbulence of love and marriage the research suggests can be traced partly to the Way habits of the heart Are shaped in childhood and partly to the inevitable changes Over the course of even the most successful relationship. People Don t know what they Are in Lor when they fall in  said Robert Ternberg. A psychologist at Yale University who is one of those doing the new research. The divorce rate is so High not because people make foolish choices but because they Are drawn together Lor reasons that matter less As time goes  what brings a couple together Tornberg is finding almost inevitably recedes into the background As the relationship matures. And those qualities that matter most later on his research suggests Are rarely the ones that loom Large in tha Early stages of the match. In his View the major components of love Are intimacy passion and commitment. While a relationship can manage to survive with any one or two of these qualities Sternberg argues the fullest love requires All three. However each blossoms at its own Pac and follows its distinct course. Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade Sternberg said. Intimacy develops More slowly and commitment More gradually still. All of this Means that no relationship is stable because the Basic components change at different  Many turmoils of romantic love other new research is showing Are a direct legacy of the partners childhood Bonds with their parents. That premise of course has been a mainstay of psychotherapists since Freud. But the research offers an important empirical test that in Broad strokes supports otherwise untested but common assumptions made by therapists about the troubles that crop up in people s most intimate relationships. The research it showing for example that children who grow up feeling rejected by the Parent of the opposite sex Are prone As adults to extremes of jealousy anxiety and depression in their love life. But that psychological legacy can be diminished if a person understands the origins of his or her feelings according to the researchers. We re confirming in our research what therapists have been saying for years said Phillip Shaver a psychologist at the University of Denver who reported on his findings at the recent meeting of the american psychological association. The new work Sheds Light on two psychological puzz Tei. One is Why people whose lives Are otherwise Well ordered and successful can be so infantile easily Hurt jealous anxiously demanding in their romantic relationships. The other is Why a couple who seem so in love at the outset of their match can founder As Tim passes. Stemberg t thu Deli How How love can founder with time. In research on relationships that had lasted from just one month to As Long As 36 years he was Able to identify the specific elements that increased and decreased in Long lasting couples. The intimacy of the partners becomes More crucial particularly to women As successful relationships endure according to Sternberg. In general both partners Lind it increasingly important to understand each other s wants and needs to be Able to listen to and support each other and to share common values. And intimacy tends to maintain a gradual growth although it May seem to recede into the background of the relationship. In a Strong marriage the emotion of intimacy will seem to Lade As the partners become More Lamellar with each other Sternberg said in an interview. But it is there in a latent form and emerges strongly when the relationship 1$ interrupted by travel or illness or  passion which peaks in the Early phases of the relationship declines to a plateau. Still passion continues to a or to the Long term Success of a relationship. According to Sternberg a Man continues to care about his wife s physical attractiveness the More attractive he feels she is. The More successful the relationship in the Long  while Strong emotional commitment is essential to a Long term relationship commitment alone does not Bode Well according to Sternberg. You have to work constantly at rejuvenating a relationship he said. You can t just count on its being o.k., or it will tend toward a hollow commitment devoid of passion and intimacy. People need to put ii kind of Energy into it that they put into their children or  "