European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 01, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Tille Lernberg s theory May explain some of the of love other investigators Are probing into people s childhoods for clues. One vie emerging from the new work is thai romantic love in i Al Hood and the want s love toward his parents Are one and the same response seen at different Points in life. Evidence for this viewpoint was presented by Fri Iii Shaver a psychologist at the University of Denver. In a paper presented with Cindy Haran at the recent meeting of the american psychological association. Shaver reported data showing that the main patterns of love recognized in infancy hold True for adults too. Developmental psychologists notably Mary a Swo that the University of Virginia have classified Tont pc cording to the Bonds they form with their Zwern s particularly with their mothers in the first year ctr j of Hie. Infants who feel their to her is available and responsive Are most secure. But those who feel insecure about being loved fall into one of two patterns some become anxious and clinging while c.,3rs react by withdrawing and avoiding Reliance on anyone. Ainsworth has found that about two thirds of infants fall into the secure category while the rest can be classified i is propellant As anxiously clinging or As withdrawing. The same rough proportions Shaver reported hold True for adults in terms of their romantic relationships. In a study of 540 people Between the Ages of 15 and 82, Shaver found that just Over half fit into a secure style of romantic love and the others split evenly Between anxious lingers and those who tend to avoid romantic lies. Those who Are secure describe their love relationships As Happy and " Sling while the anxious lovers report that they frequently become obsessed by their lovers and Are prone to intense jealousy and undergo extreme emotional highs and lows. The avoid ant types by comparison shy away from intimacy. The origin of the different styles of Loving Shaver believes lie in childhood. For example in recalling their childhood people who were anxious lovers when compared with the secure ones tended to report that their mothers were emotionally intrusive while their fathers were demanding and Distant and that the relationship Between their parents was unhappy. While psychotherapists have Long made similar claims about the childhood origins of adult romantic problems their theories suffer from a pitfall that also applies to Shaver s data it is based on the recall of the person himself and so May be biased by his present Outlook. In other words people who Are anxious about their love relationships As adults May be prone to recall their parents with similar anxiety. That problem was overcome by other data reported at the psychology meetings by Carl Mindy a psychologist at the University of North Florida in Jacksonville. Handy who began his research while working with Conrad Schwarz at the University of Connecticut was Able to study 192 men and women whose Early family histories were known in unusual detail. Each of the people studied As Well As their mothers fathers one of their siblings and a Best mend had undergone several hours of tests and questions about the person s Early years and present relationships. One pattern Hindy studied is what he Calls anxious attachment a term borrowed from the British psychoanalyst John Bowlby s work with infants. Its common symptoms Are extremes of depression when a relationship ends or of jealousy when there is an interloper clinging to the partner while trying to extort signs of affection and feeling that one never gels enough love and attention. Such people fail to develop stable expectations for inv and affection in childhood and grow up chronically anxious about what they Lea will be a rejection from their partner Hindy Saira they depend on the partner Lor emotional stability their moods fluctuate with How loved they feel. Since they have no stable sense that others will like them they Are constantly searching Lor reassurance. They even threaten to leave just to get an affirmation of their partner s love. When i be treated men like this in therapy i be found that they put pressure on the woman to reciprocate dates and gifts with love Hindy said. Underneath they Are narcissists who want their partners to pay tribute to their perfection. But their intense tear is that they Are not lovable As they Are. So they try to extort love and the harder they try the More anxious they Hindy s research reveals that those who Are anxious in this Way share common childhood experiences with those who seem to be their exact opposite people who Are quite Calm in the face of a Rupla Longship. Becoming neither jealous when it is threatened nor depressed when it ends. That detached reaction Hindy finds is More common in men than in women. In general Handy found that people with problems in adult love relationships tend to have had rejecting or hostile parents or parents who gave them highly inconsistent and unpredictable affection Loving one moment Distant the next. But within that Broad description Mindy was Able to detect More specific relationships Between childhood experiences and adult Dilli cuties in love. The Parent of the opposite sex seems crucial. For example men who become Over invested in their lovers and who complain that their at Lection is not sufficiently returned by hair partner had mothers who were relatively uninvolved with them As children. For women who Are similarly Overly invested in heir partner s reactions however it is the fathers treatment that seems to have been crucial their mothers were quite positive toward their daughters while their fathers were detached or even hostile toward them. You Are not doomed by your childhood Shaver said. These patterns can be changed if a person gains insight into the stars and stripes Page 15
