European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 27, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Review snails can creep up on gourmets by sgt. Ret Clement Lounder ii there is one thing the French and me do not agree on it is whether or not the Good lord put at least one or two things on this Earth that were not meant to be eaten. Your average Frenchman you probably realize will eat anything that strays South of Strasbourg but there Are a few of us who know that god never wanted no one to eat eels or yellow Squash or certain varieties of Organ meat including but not limited to pig and calf brains. You probably got a few additions of your own to that list most people do. You May recall for example that my buddy jumbo Perry will eat no seafood including your fish Sticks and your tuna on Rye arid even your shrimp cocktails which Are usually so clobbered Over with that Pink sauce that you can get a Small child to eat them with very few threats. Brewster Doody does not eat Lamb or Lima Beans and my Good buddy very Vern Decateur has been known to get up and leave a table if it has been set with a bowl containing Green peas especially if it is Green peas with them Little Pearl onions mixed in there. Or worse yet Green peas combined with carrots. I will say that the Only thing i have Ever seen Jolen Back away from was yellow a is and that was Only because she read somewhere that the Dye can foul up your system. Now there is two Points Here and the first of those Points is that there Isa lot of assorted foodstuffs out there that people will not abide and there is an especially Large number of people who when asked to name a food that they will never allow to find its Way Down their throats is going to say the second Point in mentioning All this is to warn those particular oils to turn the Page because this is about Christmas and it is also about eating snails. Actually this is Only a Little bit about Christmas because it was on Christmas that jumbo Perry gave me a Complete Home Snail kit when we were exchanging gifts at Joleen s trailer the Pink trim air Queen deluxe in. Actually jumbo was Lucky to get the Snail set into the trailer because even though it is a 75-footer, Joleen had insisted on setting up her big Silver aluminium Christmas tree that s got the rotating reflector color wheel and is so tall she had to leave off the top three sections to get it set up. So it was darned crowded in there. By the Way Joleen bless every hair in her Over sprayed coiffure gave me a three week old Bassett Puppy for Christmas named what else Chow hound but the Little fellow would t do anything except stand on some old copies of the Stan Ana stripes with his More quivering than a Low Grade Terr inc do chef. But about the snails. People have been eating snails for Many years Ever since greek and roman times when Between wearing togas and giving orgies and speaking your Romance languages people would wander out in the Garden and maybe grab up a Side order of snails right off the ground. Later the Art of cultivating snails fattening them up with Corn meal and other stuff was discovered by a Guy named Fulvous lupins. I am serious that was the Guy s name. After that of course the French discovered that eating snails was pretty High brow and now your land Gastropod mollusc As scientists Call them is considered an important part of Fine dining everywhere and choline readers who Are looking to educate their palate should learn to eat and enjoy them however difficult that might prove to be. Now the first problem with eating snails As jumbo Perry tells me is that a de shelled Snail with Little bits of butter and herbs clinging to him looks pretty much like something that has just stuck its head out of a peat bog in one of them japanese horror movies where everyone runs around for about two hours going Aai Eewha that is True but there is no Way around this and if you Are going to eat snails you will just have to get used to it. Another problem you May have is with your Snail utensils. Snails will normally come served on a Escargot Erc which is a Little Metal plate that looks like it has suffered some Basic severe Hail damage. Your Snail shells sit in the Little pock Marks and you be got to pick them up with a Little Clamp and then without letting Herb butter leak Down your Arm work the Snail out of there with a tiny Little two prong jobber that looks like it is part of Junior s first place setting. To see Brewster Doody s big old yank the engine out of a to fingers wrapped around this Little Fork is a humorous sight and others May have the same problem. But do not As was once suggested in inquire Magazine pick up the shells with your Napkin to get better leverage. You got to stick to the Little Clamp utensil and Man Euver that Little Fork around. In France As Many people know snails Are called escargots. Most american restaurants think serving snails is so damned International that they Call them escargots just like the French even though most of your snails consumed in America come from California and anyway most of your French snails come from Asia because the French ate up their own snails a Long time ago. They Are now doing a pretty Good Job on their frogs too but that is another Story. So How will i find snails on the menu if i get up the nerve to eat them you ask in France they come a number of ways with the most popular being of Cargol a la Bourguin Nonnce. This is your Basic butter and herbs snails where the Little Guys Are cooked in a wine and meat and vegetable Stock spruced up with a Little garlic and Green herbs and then sealed in their shells behind a plug of butter and heated in the oven until the butter gets Runny and the snails Are hot enough to take skin off the roof of your Mouth which they will often do if you do not have patience. Is cargoes a a Arlo Sionne Are almost exactly the same but have a dash or More of Madeira a fortified portuguese wine that the French dote on and which goes Good As an aperitif if you Are Ever trying to impress somebody. The germans almost always serve scat cac a a which is basically the same is .1 la Bourguin Nonnce. In Italy though i be found snails Maca served in Spaghetti just like they often make it with clams Only with More garlic and Huller. Now i know that some of you people who snails did not turn the Page like i told them to and have made it this far and i have got some Good news for you. The French have invented something special for you called is cargoes come Esse Rig Idi which is fake snails. They use Snail shells but inside they put Little pieces of meat or fish with herbs hat have been All tarted up to taste Good. Of course you still foot to use the Little Fork and Clamp. Also people who do not eat Organ meat got to be careful Here because they often use Chicken livers have been soaked in White wine for awhile. That is about All i know about snails and i cannot answer one of the biggest questions about , and that is Why do orders of snails always come served As a half dozen or a dozen if anyone has an answer to that please write old Clem care of this newspaper. It has always bugged me. One restaurant where you can get decent snails is the Poste hotel in the Little City of Beaune in Burgundy France. The place used to be a top rated eatery but that was Back in the Days when Clem was a private and the Poste s most expensive wine was a 1937 grands Echez Eaux that sold for 55 francs and you could eat until you cried for about $4. It s still the Best hotel in town though and their snails arc still about three and a half pointy fingers Worth. The hotel do la Poste is at 1 Boulevard Clemenceau in Beaune. In Burgundy Call 220811 for reservations. Ratings & i 2 & 2 awesome eals. We re talking Paradise on a plate Here. 2 3 2 Ely Fine dining. Crack service and memorable food and drink. 222 solid Chow. Good food of atmosphere and pleasant service. 2 h decent. About equal to a Ponderosa Steak House. G path butt. Crummy Chow so so service Semi ratty Interior. December 27,1985 stripes Magazine 17
