European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - January 9, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns 1986 is going to be a hot year for nonsense of. I William the refrigerator Perry of the Chicago in new York Harbor and swim in woozy circles he � in inv bears. The Media will go wild until Perry about the statue of Liberty for iwo weeks. The Holwill a John announces hat he will not run because he can t army Navy and air Force will be put on Alert. A. A Alhi Nim stand the enormous Cut in salary hat being one Hundred thousand volunteers will swim inn _ Al t Pireu Mew president would require. The Harbor link arms and tread water staff columnist now that 1986 is a reality and 1985 has been stored away in history s attic probably in a soggy cardboard Box it s Lime for a few infallible predictions for big news events of the next 12 months. Well Only hit the High spots those movers and shaken that the intelligent Reading Public will find in the More thoughtful newspapers. The democratic party in a dramatic bid to wrest the White House away from the republicans will persuade Phil Donahue to run for president in 19bb. Donahue will hit the Campaign Trail full time by March holding talk show telethon in the nation s major cities. The response will be enormous initially and the cop will panic. Donahue will be undone when Jeane Kirkpatrick Calls him a wimp on the lbs news and Donahue cries in Public the next night on Abc. The republicans in their eagerness to take advantage of the Donahue debacle will woo Willia Rerig Craitor the chicag bears Wil announce t re Stan t i being presiden Sylvester Stallone will make another Rocky movie. The new flick will Gross $14 billion the first week it is released. The Story will Tell How Rocky goes to Beirut and kills everyone there except a handful of american hostages and one Beautiful lebanese Girt and her baby brother. Rambo whips the Pio will be the most violent of All Stallone flicks and burning looting and Lynching will break out at Heaters near your Home after it is shown. Ann Landers will run 115 columns in succession about the searing question should mothers lock their daughters in their bedrooms until they turn 257 at the height of the controversy Jesse Helms will hold Senate hearings and demand that Landers be exiled to Libya. A guru named Clyde Puckett will Start a Colony in Congo ark., claiming to know All the secrets of the universe. He will attract 40,000 followers and Lead them on a hunger strike swearing to take no food until Ling Ling and Ping Ping the giant pandas in the National zoo in Washington have twins. Everyone in Detroit every Man woman and child will move to Houston. This will cause considerable problems in both places. Humphrey the Hump backed whale will surface i i about state f to. Army Navy Ai on into the tread water surrounding Humphrey and escorting him Back out to the open sea. They will have to blow on noise makers to guide the lost Leviathan and 13,466 of them will drown. The same week Brazil will be destroyed by a series of Gigantic tidal Waves and earthquakes. No american newspaper except the Christian science Monitor will run More than one Story on the demise of Brazil. Peter Botha the president of South Africa will address the United nations and declare thai All of his nation s problems could be solved if its Black residents would go Back to where they came rumours will Fly that Princess i and Prince Chuck Are on
