European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 15, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Page 10 stars and stripes saturday february 15, 1986 William Buckley Wisdom of Solomon could t straighten this mess Zurich Switzerland when things to haywire on a flight. It pays to sit Down As Solomon would have done by the Way Solomon could be an awful Jerk never total that and ask whose fault was that iness most of the officials associated with the mess i Here speak of were so endear ing i will refer to the airline in question merely As Acyl for air if you re Lucky. The flight was due out at 8 15 . Early that afternoon a Telephone Cal from the travel agent advised that instead of flying directly to Zurich As scheduled the night would go first to Munich and then to Zurich. Difference in flying time about two and a half hours. On receiving intelligence of that nature one s min turns to the obvious possibility that Acyl was doing a Little consolidating i.e., it was taking a half full flight scheduled Togo to Munich and a half full flight scheduled to go to Zurich and figuring Whynot just run the two flights together no explanations Are. Necessary when that kind of thinking happens. But a few minutes before 8 ., an announcement is made the Munich Zug Rich aircraft has mechanical problems report on Progress will be Given at 8 30. At 9 ., nothing has been heard. Fault one for Acyl. At 9 15, passengers whose destination is Munich Are told to report to the  they Are bundled onto a flight to London. They Are assured a connection will be made in London for Munich. At 9 30, the Zurich passengers Are informed that their aircraft is a fixable but another aircraft will be hauled in and will leave at Midnight. Midnight this passenger asked at the desk where the restaurant is and was told that alas the restaurant closed at 9. Well is there cafeteria a Kiosk a vending machine still open yes a cafeteria and there one buys hungrily an old cheeseburger two pieces of Corn and some potato chips. Keeping body and soul together. Next tothe newsstand about to shut Down but you buy two paperbacks and a Swiss to Ferone Candy bar move Back into the waiting room and begin to read. Flash James resign of non a Makimot Security  take a Andot of our special Low we act be Loyd Fate fus hts we Rcv you to try with us . To i a fember of our re 5uenr cd fishes Foo Sam mow s theft. Hunt Eer a tract to she after each a Ash a i be me Cong w 8rv3s wow us today and Wuh a Wilc you a Kew to go one. Us. Announcement report quickly to the desk where your Munich Zurich Board ing passes will be exchanged for Frank Furt boarding passes. When you arrive at Frankfurt you will make a connection to Zurich but hurry because the aircraft is about to leave. You hurry. Then you hurry Back to pick up your books and your chocolate bar. But they Are gone. Cleanup time had begun. Aboard the aircraft Well before you Actu ally take off you Are Given a menu that de tails the six courses you will be served but the hamburger and cheese and Corn and potato chips have preempted your appetite and to your horror you find the Only tolerable Reading matter Handy is theoretical Arcana you have been burrowing into your briefcase. You begin to read one of these As the Captain explains that the additional delay is on account of the need to de ice. Those who re member what happened in Gander Newfoundland a few months ago Are relatively patient at any mention of the need to de ice. But it is then that the big scene begins. The stewardess asks the Bulky French gentleman at the window seat kindly to slide his briefcase under the Forward seat. He announces in a voice that resonates throughout the Cabin i weel do Noh such think. You want my Case under the seat you go Call the Cap  the attendant has several goes at it the Frenchman is Resolute. There Are murmurs now beginning throw the bum out because de icing is done and the plane does not move the reason being that Federal regulations Are unobserved As Long As the briefcase protrudes. Finally the stewardess leans Over and physically inserts the briefcase into the empty space and we Are off. Though sleepy and prepared to Mill not Only the meal but also the movie i Beckon to the stewardess intending to advise her when dinner is served not to serve the Frog behind me but to Tell him if he wants something to eat to go Call the Captain. But she is Busy and my Battery is running Down so i go to sleep awaken in Frankfurt and we Are advised Only after we land that we Are imminently off to Zurich where we arrive five hours later than scheduled. Moral Don t blame pilots flight attendants or boarding pass vendors for snafus up top. And Bear in mind that Providence plays a hand in these things. Acyl simply1 can t help it some of the time and up to a Point we give them the Benefit of the. Doubt. Call this a pre lenten Resolution. Una Vetrul Prthu Syndicate immoral minority s dozen ways to endure Lent As a charter member of the immoral minority i decided after pain Ful meditation to give up the following things for Lent " 1. President Ferdinand Marcos of the Philippines. 2. All president Reagan s statement about Marco until somebody makes up his mind. 3. Former president for life Jean Claude Duvalier of Haiti and other Politi Cal scoundrels. 4. All new year s resolutions. 5. Basketball both pro and College until the playoffs. 6. Pravda Izvestia and All other Obedi ent government lapdogs. 7. A Sporle heroes who Wear Gold chains. 8. Popularity polls. 9. Political bumper stickers. 10. Political speechwriters. 11. Political television preachers. 12. Columnists who give lenten advice. That s an even dozen and i had to admit looking them Over that this was no great sacrifice. I did think that i could do without some buzzwords such As peacekeeper for the my missile or Revenue enhancement for taxes or Freedom fighters for a lot of thugs who Don t know what Freedom Means. But i was running out of space. What made me stiffen up and think about what sacrifice i could make for Lent was the problem of balancing the Federal budget without hurting the poor. What was the Point i asked myself of condemning the president and Congress for running up the biggest budget and Trade deficit in history if i had left it to my wife to balance the family budget for so years and could t come up with an answer to the president s problem i came up with some Brilliant ideas for Revenue  if we could tax demonstrable political lies say at $10 Alie or Sis for one on television would t that put a Nick in the deficit but i dropped that on the grounds that the peo ple liked comfortable lies that Congress would reject such a Bill and that the president would certainly veto it. It then occurred to me that if the Gramm Rudman Hollings Rescue operation went through the deficit could be turned Over to funny Money experts in the executive and legislative branches and we could dispense with the enormous costs of both. But i was told that while this seemed sensible it was probably unconstitutional. Accordingly i was thrown Back on what still seems to me the Best of my lenten ideas namely that austerity May be the Road to Security and even to Prosperity. We did t have a budget deficit when the state War and Navy departments were All in. The same building at the Corner of Pennsylvania Avenue and 17th Street across from the White House. It was Only when they changed the name to the defense department and it moved across the Potomac to Virginia that it began to fuss with the state department about policy and budgets. Secretary of state George Shultz and Secretary of defense Caspar Weinberger got on Fine when they were working to Gether at the Bechtel corp. In California but have been playing cats and dogs Ever since. Come to think about it in the interests of Economy and private Enterprise maybe Shultz and Weinberger could get together if the whole foreign and defense problem were turned Over to Bechtel if however this cannot be arranged the government could do what Many other institutions do when at the end of the year they find that they re spending More than they re taking in from the members. The president and his California friends know what happens at the. Pacific Union club on Nob Hill in san Francisco or at the Bohemian Grove if they Ever run oat of scratch. They Divide up the deficit. They Don t Call it taxes but they enhance the Revenue. Maybe that s what Jim Baker should do atthe Treasury. Just add up the losses Divide it by the number of taxpayers and Appeal to their patriotic instincts to Fork Over their part of the difference. Suppose for a silly example we got the budget deficit Down to $100 billion. Divided by 101 million taxpayers Baker could wipe out that deficit by getting each of them to pay an additional $1,000 a year if in addition to this everybody gave up drinking and smoking tamed his rebel Lious children forgot about Marcos stopped financing the Middle East and the Middle West and put outer space on hold for a couple of years it seems to me All these problems would disappear maybe for a couple of months. Of course All this is merely policy guidance. I think it would work if the government gave up common sense and human nature for Lent. And if it also abolished junk mail it might even wind up with a surplus. C new York tymm