European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 20, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns of what to Wear to this year s easter Parade by John Windrow stall columnist before they died i was Lucky enough to know and pal around with two Tennessee blues artists named sleepy John Estes and Hammie Nixon. Hammie was a bit of a rogue and he told me once that sleepy John s wife had a particularly Low opinion of him. Every time i d go by to get old John to go off somewhere and play the blues with me Hammie said his wife would get mad and Start chunking his clothes outdoors. John would just Grin and say Don t worry about it none. Before they hit the ground they la be outta style " sleepy John grasped the essence of style that new fashions arrive and depart with the Speed of Light. That is Why i was absolutely shattered to be perusing a recent edition of the stars and stripes and discover that a daring new fashion in men s clothing had caught me completely unawares. There on Page 12 a Man stood completely self assured arms folded across his Skinny svelte utterly fashionable Chest wearing an ensemble that simply took my breath away. It must be the work of the new Darling of the glitterati or. Wanda i thought As i tremulously Drew closer to the Page for a better look. But no someone named Jean Paul Gaultier had come out with the bold new look a dark Gray Blazer worn with a Black shirt with a stiff stand up Collar Over a Straw Loincloth worn with shiny tights and of course Silver thank cod i had seen it in time. I could hear the hoots of derision ringing in my burning ears now if like some retrograde reptile i had asked who is Jean Paul Gaultier around the news desk. Of How the boys would have whooped it up Over that Little Faux Pas. Can you believe it Paul would say to Tom As they exchanged sly glances Over the Coffee pot. He does t know who Jean Paul is i mean of my heart was in my Mouth when he said that Tom would reply. He probably still thinks or. Wanda is the rage. He s slipping no doubt about but i was saved thanks to the Avant Garde Page 12 editor who had displayed the photo from Paris. I had time yet to get the new outfit before the company hosted its annual Possum Fry Watermelon Roll and wine tasting contest in March. There was time to Board a train to Paris and break Down the boulevards looking for a Black Loincloth. How utterly old testament of Jean Paul Gaultier to bring Back the Loincloth. Gird up thy loins the spirit said to Afat and Tell King Wahoo that he must utterly smite the philadelphian or a rain of red frogs will fall on his head and the Heads of his children grandchildren and seed of three score was Jean Paul thinking of something like that when he designed the new look one could Only wonder. And after the precious Black Loincloth where was one to find Silver boots no doubt they would t come cheaply. And shiny tights. Paul and Tom had both become a bit ample of Girth lately. Would they dare to Wear shiny tights i chuckled with glee thinking hrs. They would sit agog untouched roast Possum and Pristine glistening Watermelon on their plates while i dazzled the throng awaiting the wine tasting with Black Loincloth and shiny tights that they could Only Wear in their wildest dreams. To celebrate i went to a movie before the feature rolled several exceptionally hip advertisements were shown free of charge. One showed a husky Young Man stripped to the Waist wearing Blue jeans. What s this i thought a chill running Down my spine Blue jeans How passe How hopelessly John there were gasps from the crowd As the strapping youngster got into a cold Bath in his jeans and drank a Frothy German Beer. No one littered no one hissed. I was crestfallen. So this was it. A new new look. So virile so Way out Western. Tight jeans made even tighter by wearing them in the Bath to decrease the size of the jeans and drinking a Beer at the same time cleverly increasing one s volume. A Nightmare vision Rose before me. There i was among the steaming plates heaped with Possum in my shiny tights and Black Loincloth. But Tom and Paul were drinking Beer in their dripping wet Blue jeans mocking me. The night was ruined. I staggered from the theater before the main feature even started. And sleepy John and Hammie thought they had the blues. What s a poor fashion slave to do cooperative parties can be uncomfortable by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners i would like to know if ii it appropriate to ask free Nodi at the last minute to bring along Terhi to social function. Recently i have been asked to bring such items Ai firewood to a Black tie wedding deck Chain to an evening affair a Sterling Silver Champagne bucket and ice to a birthday party a head of lettuce to a dinner party. Clearly i find such requests inappropriate unless of course h was stipulated Well in Advance to . Whatever. Please inform me How to respond to these fete Latante requests. Gentle Reader while hosts Are not supposed to offer shopping lists with their invitations there Are two legitimate reasons for asking someone to bring something. First is the party that is set up As a cooperative. Miss manners has heard from guests who believe this is overdone but she has some sympathy with the limitations on time for entertaining by working people. You Are quite right that such invitations should be frankly stated. People who Don t wish to contribute should then be at Liberty not Only to decline the invitation but to offer a tentative refusal of dear i d better say no because i won t have time to make if invited anyway that person should remember to make the return invitation a self sufficient one the other reasonable request is made when one needs to borrow something and goes to an intimate Friend. That should be an emergency measure for a specialized item that no one else has or among people who regularly and comfortably share. It sounds As though your Circle is taking advantage of these reasons to assign tasks to guests. Or perhaps you Are being invited to treasure Hunts. Dear miss manners i write on behalf of single people everywhere who though they Are educated articulate and at least reasonably socially adept Are flummoxed by the often asked and ostensibly Well meant question Why Aren t you married sometimes the question appears As a statement so you never married sighed the Mother of my College Roommate whom i had t seen in 10 Yean. As i am 36 Yean old i Don t yet consider the Case entirely closed though she obviously does. I Don t know is the truthful answer but it always sounds a trifle woebegone. I m Gay is a lie so Are i Don t want to be i Haven t had time and i never met the right i m tempted to go into the lurid details of the demise of my Long affair but that would be too vengeful. That s none of your business is rude especially when the Tormentor is an elderly Uncle trying to make conversation at a family gathering usually a wedding of course. While i am fairly Content to remain single i have not ruled out the possibility of marrying and deeply resent being put on the defensive by the frequent implication that my . Is some sort of Consolation prize for a poor showing in the big contest of life. My friends and i Hope you can offer an All purpose reply or failing that some strategy for appropriate response that will take the sting put of the question and let the questioner know that he or she is if not exactly pouring Salt in an open wound at least causing considerable discomfort. Gentle Reader miss manners does not believe that you want to Tell your questioner that he or she is causing discomfort. You could do that easily just by bursting into tears and saying i wish i no what you want to do is to cause that person enough discomfort to discourage this extremely rude cosiness. Naturally however you will do this politely. Much of modern social rudeness is unintentional but comes of such inexcusable thoughtlessness As to be almost As culpable. Nevertheless miss manners deeply concurs with your statement that you cannot say something truly rude such As none of your the Way to do this is to treat the statement As banter which you then turn Back on that person in such a flattering Way that the person knows you can t really mean it. The Uncle should be told of Uncle Nelson i keep looking for someone As perfect As you and every time i m about to Settle for something less i find i just can t bring myself to do to the Roommate s Mother you say of mrs. Pretzel i be always thought you were probably the Ideal wife and i just know i la never be As wonderful so i guess i be put off feeling incorrect address your etiquette question to miss manners care of the stars and stripes Apo os211, . Forces. February 20,1986 stripes Magazine 3
