European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 24, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The Swiss army monday february 24, 1986 the stars and stripes Page 17 to Battle by Bike he Swiss have no army Nicolo Machiavelli onid 500 years Ngo. They Are an  it s truer today than Ever. Back when the florentine statesman wrote men went into Battle on horse and on loot. In Switzerland these Days some still do. Others go by bicycle. Make no mistake this country has the latest and Best defense that Money can buy camouflaged steel doors slide open on huge Alpine caverns and out Roll Jet lighters and missiles. Down in the Valley Are the most powerful tanks and cannons on the Market. As Many As 625.000 men can be mobilized in 48 hours and 1 million in a week. All Swiss men keep automatic Rilles and ammunition at Home under the militia concept of a people s army in which there Are Only 1.500 regular soldiers. Around 2.5 million army guns have been handed out so Lar this Century and Are still in private Homes but they Are sacred and never used in crime. Each year. 400,000 men take part in military refresher Maneu vers. All this in a nation of just 6.5 million people. But one thing has t changed Over the centuries and that is the Swiss army s use of horses and mules. There Are also several thousand troops in three bicycle  there Are very Good reasons Why horses mules and bikes play a big role in National defense horses and mules can take temperatures of 40 degrees below Zero which is Normal in the Alps in Winter. They carry up to 220 pounds of equipment plus the rider up and Over the mountains and through deep Snow. Bicycles Are quiet and riders can carry twice As much gear. Switzerland is two thirds covered by mountains and lakes. Helicopters and trucks could never operate in blizzards and fog and in that sort of terrain. In the 1930s, the Swiss army had 60,000 horses and mules serving in the Mountain infantry. Today there Are Only 140 such regular animals which Are used for training. But there Are 9,000 horses and mules in the reserves with the army paying the owners a part of their Upkeep. This is of course a much More practical As Well As less expensive Way of doing things a defense ministry spokesman says. When called up Lor their annual military service which ranges from one to Lour weeks depending on the animal s age the owners report along with their horses and mules. Pack horses and mules Are dependable in All weather have impressive infantry Battle ability and Are a valuable link Between people and army said divisional commander Walter Zimmermann a three Star general. Writing in the january Issue of the army association Magazine. Zimmermann extolled the v ital role still played by animals in Swiss defense. Fighting in Afghanistan is an example of How specially trained horseback Mountain troops can get around blockades guarding the valleys he wrote. Zimmermann noted the ability of horses and mules to operate in All kinds of weather and in the most Erma Bombeck Swiss Iro opt on their Way to guard president Reagan s residence at the recent Geneva Summit talks. Difficult terrain. Nothing can prevent these units from carrying out their transport duties not night or fog not blizzards or storms he said. And also important is the comradeship Between animal and  a top veterinary surgeon in Zurich recently declined officer s rank because he wanted to be with his horse. That meant staying a Corporal. As for bicycles the Swiss army first introduced them in 1888. The bicycle troops were officially formed in 1891. By 1924 there were 24 bicycle companies with the riders mainly used As messengers. Nowadays the army has three bicycle regiments numbering several thousand men the defense ministry would t give the exact figure. Training ends with a 125-mile bicycle March with the pedal Power reservists geared to carry 88 pounds of equipment Over 75 Miles a Day. Bicycles Are quiet can be used when visibility is almost Zero and Are an Ideal attack weapon the defense ministry says. They Are used in three main areas defense delaying action and attack. A Soldier in full Battle dress and Riding a Bike May at first look amusing. But that anti tank missile on his shoulder is no joke at All. I m a Pushover for any product that promises to take 15 minutes off my  bathroom sink is lined with vials and bottles of mysterious formulas pledged to tighten up Mylace remove chins Lake away lines and eradicate wrinkles. They Are made irom some of the most unlikely potions known to Man Turtle Oil roots of a Cactus. And mud irom the dead sea. They All have something in common. They All Cost a Fortune will last forever and will bring out every allergy in my body. The hygroscopic salts that were to reduce stress and revitalize my skin cells As i soaked in the tub made me sneeze or three hours. The abrasive scrub that was to remove All my Deal skin and leave me with the texture of a Newborn s behind made me itch like a hound dog with Leas. The Miracle Cream that was to erase three children an unpaid orthodontist Bill and 10 extra pounds from Christmas from my lace made my eyes swell shut. At first i thought it was just a coincidence. Then i began to question How come i was t allergic to supp Hose glasses or ointment for chapped lips but Only things that improved my looks the message was quite Clear. God does not want me to remain Young. He wants me to grow old As he has something in mind. I wish i knew what non aging sex Symbol is definitely not a possibility. I figured that out for myself. When i saw Elizabeth Taylor and Joan Collins with Eye makeup i figured a Little color on my eyelids and a thin Pencil line under them would t be threatening. Wrong. My eyes turned red. My lids swelled and i looked like i had spent the entire night drinking with the australian army. The Only thing i can figure is i m being singled out to become a Symbol of the struggles of America. Like the statue of Liberty. In my face will reflect the Hopes and dreams of the tired and oppressed. The Frontier Mother who gave birth on her lunch hour. The women who put Equality above themselves. Who toiled in the textile Mills with Norma Rae. Who fought against the evils of society with Carrie nation. Yeah that s probably it. I will be the Universal face the world will respond to. Did t i see you at Appo Mattox they will say. Did t you used to be Barbara Frietchie whatever i have been Given a sign that is my destiny but i can t help thinking what would it Hurt to give nature a Little boost after All even the statue of Liberty gets a sanding Job every 100 years or so. C 1986, los Angeles times Syndicate